Please bear with me if this all comes out a bit garbled, I’m kind of in a state.
In a nutshell: I am pregnant by my ex. I was completely in love with this guy but actually it was a seriously abusive relationship. On top of everything else, he is viciously racist and I was naive enough not to see it.
The pregnancy wasn’t planned (contraception failure). Before we ever had sex we’d actually talked about what we’d do if I got pregnant. I’d said I don’t believe in abortion. He’d said he doesn’t either. He's making threats to harm me
He’s British Pakistani and Muslim. I’m mixed-race African/British. He’s said all manner of disparaging things about black people throughout the relationship. It reached a point eventually where he said he’s “just not willing to commit to a black woman” but that it’d be different if I was white or anything other than black. He’a also said such awful, awful things. He won’t even refer to my child as his baby. He sent me this email demanding I get an abortion and saying he will take me to court for refusing to get an abortion. He wrote: “If you really want a baby go and find someone who cares about you.”
He sent other messages where he’s said he will be the baby’s “friend” and will pay support “when he can.” When I told him he’s the baby’s dad not its friend and that he has to pay child support every month, not just when he can, he went absolutely mental. He won’t even refer to my child as his baby or even as a baby now at all, he just said the baby’s a “mistake.”
A friend sent me a supportive message once she realised I was keeping the baby, telling me a baby’s a blessing and congratulating me. The ex went berserk and said I had no right to be congratulated and that he doesn’t understand why I am not “ashamed” of being pregnant.
He’s made direct threats now to harm me. Insisting still that he’s not willing to “let” me have his baby and that “I didn’t want a baby with you!” (because I’m black). One of his last messages said: “We’ll go to the hospital and support you through the abortion process. A child cannot be allowed to be born without the consent of both parents.”
He just won’t leave me alone. I’ve been so ill with stress this entire pregnancy. How will I ever explain to my little child when he’s born that his father is a racist abusive freak?
Own Your Power