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Original poster

Would this petty request also bother you?

31 replies

HollyHunter18 · 19/04/2018 21:51

I was really upset tonight after talking with my dh ( always upsetting at the moment). He had gone upstairs and I was loading laundry and obviously had been crying. He asked me where the phone charger by his desk had gone- I said I took it but didn’t know where I’d put it but I’d give it back ( it bothers him when I move anything near his desk). When I came upstairs we had another upsetting conversation in which I asked him
If there was anyone on the sidelines as he’s so cold and apparently uninterested I me at the moment. He said there wasn’t and acted as if I’m totally paranoid. Again I was obviously upset. I took baby from him and put his phone charger which I had since found on the sofa and told him it was there. He said;”
Can you put it back where you found it?”. After doing all the laundry, cooking his supper, taking care of the kids and being made to feel like shit I just could not stomach him expecting me to scuttle back and plug it in for him. Do you understand my annoyance/ disgust?

OP posts:

ChunckyMonkey · 19/04/2018 21:58

Seems like he's hiding something and gas lighting you.

Pipsqueak11 · 19/04/2018 21:58

yes would bother me too - its petty but also seems like an attempt at control . hope you manage to get yourself to a happier place soon ,

Namechanger1404 · 19/04/2018 22:09

I’d have told him to stick it up his petty arse, he’s talking/treating you like you’re his maid.

I hope you left it where it was on the sofa?

RiceBaby · 19/04/2018 22:12

I think YABU. If my husband took my charger, I'd expect him to put it back where he'd taken it from. It would piss me off if he didn't.

Namechanger1404 · 19/04/2018 22:17

rice really? You sound as bad as her DH

melissasummerfield · 19/04/2018 22:24

The charger would have gone sailing out of the window if that was me

motorpink · 19/04/2018 22:33

I don't see anything wrong with asking someone to put something back where they found it.

Maybe it's just me but I have been teaching my kids that for years.

adaline · 19/04/2018 22:41

I wouldn't be too impressed if someone moved my things and couldn't remember where they'd put them either!

milkysmum · 19/04/2018 22:46

I dont see the big deal in him saying that if I'm honest but there is obviously a huge back story in sure.

notacooldad · 19/04/2018 22:46

It bloody does my head in when people including immediately family take my stuff without asking and fail to return it and I have to chase it up. I would expect someone to put things back where they got them from.

TwitterQueen1 · 19/04/2018 22:48

The charger is a complete red herring OP. Tbh, I get really pissed off if the DCs take my chargers and I do expect them to put them back where they should be.

You say nothing about why you'd been crying - or anything about what is obviously a very unhappy marriage right now. Have some sympathy and but you need to address the real issues, not just a charger.

DamsonOnThisDress · 19/04/2018 22:52

Yes, I agree that ordinarily it isn't unreasonable to expect people to put something back where they found it, but it sounds like there's more to it and the OP is justified in feeling hurt.

It sounds like perhaps he's speaking to you like shit and this isn't the first time.

And you're crying and he's just ignoring that fact?

The petty request in itself wouldn't bother me but if I was being treated like crap and he seemed more bothered by a charger than my unhappiness I would be both devastated and angry.

DamsonOnThisDress · 19/04/2018 22:53

I hope you're ok, OP.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 19/04/2018 22:54

I'd be more worried about my belief that my husband is having an affair.

If I thought my DH were porking someone else I wouldn't be washing his pants and cooking his supper.

I think you are displacing the anger. What are you going to do about this other woman?

Slievenamon · 19/04/2018 22:57

Well, if my partner took my phone charger I would expect him to put it back, as he would for me.
But then we don't have any of the rest of the shite, so I think your focus is all wrong here.

starzig · 19/04/2018 23:16

So you accuse him of an affair, take his stuff, temporarily misplace it, then have a strop because he would like you to return his stuff to where it belongs. Yes he is being extremely unreasonable and you are and angel for doing the laundry and making the dinner.

BackforGood · 20/04/2018 00:01

We can only go on what you've written, but, going on that, I think YABVU.

Re the phone charger, I am quite happy to lend people my things, but the word is lend, not take. If you borrow something, then you should put it back. He is right.
Accusing him of having an affair - difficult for any of us to judge. Nothing in your OP to suggest he is, but it seems a pretty odd thing to accuse someone of if you don't have really good reason to think it. So, either there is lots more you aren't telling us - in which case you might have done the right thing, OR, YAB incredibly U for leaping from his annoyance over his phone charger being missing, to him having an affair.

Orlandointhewilderness · 20/04/2018 00:06

what?! yes yabu. put his charger back if you borrow it!

Mary1935 · 20/04/2018 10:25

Hi op you are having a tough time. He sounds entitled. What would happen if you didn't cook his tea - this would be telling.
It's not a big deal re charger is it. He was being an arse - we all need to be flexible at times and bend a bit!!!
What does he do in the house? Does he help out at all?
Your obviously finding things difficult.
Is he supportive? Do you have friends and family you can talk too.
Does he go out, does he go out or do you get out together.
You've had some unhelpful posts I feel.
Take care 🌺

RatherBeRiding · 20/04/2018 10:31

Well there's obviously a lot more going on that just a missing phone charger.

The charger in itself - yes I would expect someone to put something back where they had borrowed it from but wouldn't make a fuss about it if they just returned it to me where I happened to be.

The stuff about you being generally upset, crying, suspecting your DH of having an affair - that's the real problem here isn't it? Why is he ignoring the fact that you are obviously very upset at the moment - are things pretty bad between you at the moment and, if so, are either of you taking steps to communicate/resolve the problems?

Adayindisney67 · 20/04/2018 10:51

Oh ffs its a charger guys. She used it and misplaced it. Obviously she was doing other things at the time, was upset and just wasn't thinking. She gave him it back. I wouldn't be so bloody cold if my partner borrowed my charger. I'd tell him he was a pain in the arse and laugh it off. They are in a relationship. Its a charger not 50 quid or whatever.
He's being very cold and protective and that is the issue here. He's acting as though he doesn't care about how she feels. She is obviously slogging away trying to keep the home ticking over while feeling under appriecaited. That needs addressing and nobody deserves to feel like that. By the sounds of her post she sounds lost.

A bit of support MN?

Listen sweetie. You know what the real problem is and you need to tell him. If he brushes your feelings off, you need to think about how you go on like this ❤

Bluebelle38 · 20/04/2018 12:38

Has he always been so insensitive. If I had been crying, my partner would ask what's wrong. He was totally dismissive of you even after all the cooking, cleaning etc you did to make his life easier.

I couldn't be with a partner so dismissive of me. If you suspect he is cheating you are obviously in emotional pain. He showed you no comfort. Why settle for this? You don't have to stay with him.

HeedMove · 20/04/2018 12:42

Are you okay op it sounds like you are doing alot of crying and it doesn't sound as if the chargers the main issue at all?

Adora10 · 20/04/2018 13:26

Don't think this is really about a bloomin charger, sounds like the OP is doing the lions share of the domestic and child duties so I guess his attitude is what is pissing her off, OP, I am sorry you are so upset but he sounds pretty heartless to me, oh, and unhelpful.

TheStoic · 20/04/2018 13:59

Yes that would get my back up too. That’s something I’d say to my child, not my partner.

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