Silly..but AIBU

[Totallyfugly]

Very silly one, sorry.

I’m really bad at being annoyed. My parents would never allow me to express feelings and sometimes I don’t know if my feelings are justified.

This is very stupid but...my Boyf and I have plans for a weekend away. Our first one, we have to leave very early on Saturday and the plan was to spend Friday together at his house which is close to the station and watch a film or whatever.

We have been texting all day and I’ve just ended my last message with “cool, see you tomorrow”

His response is “I’ve been dragged to a boxing match and so do you want to just come over at 11pm?”

It takes me an hour to get there - train and bus so would have to leave at 10pm.

I feel annoyed! He’s:

1. Just cancelled our plans without even really mentioning it.
2. Expecting me to sit around and then travel late to see him
3. Hasn’t apologised about that

Is this feeling reasonable? It’s a new relationship- my ex was really controlling and I’m scared of letting someone walk over me so don’t want to be too weak at the start.

Am I being pathetic??

No fire, other than he didn't bother to mention it until she said about seeing him on Friday, suggested she schlep over late at night and said about Sunday as his other plans were cancelled.

Basically he's treating her like she should be available to him whenever convenient to him, while he feels free to change plans at last minute.

No.he's been invited out and has informed the woman he's spending the rest of the weekend with. Should he have asked permission? How much notice is enough notice to rearrange a night on the couch preceding a weekend together?

Demonise the bloke, as ever. Meanwhile OP stated her ground, and all is ok.

I don´t think he has done anything wrong, sorry. Friday evening in was because you were going away for the weekend. As it happens, he has been able to extend the time you have on the Sunday. He has been quick to tell you about that when it became available, so he obviously wants to spend time with you.

He saw coming on Friday night as useful as you are leaving early in the morning. He got an offer to do something more interesting than watching a film in the evening and wanted to do that instead. I wouldn't consider sitting watching a film a great night. It would be what I´d do if nothing else was on offer.

It wasn't just the film on the sofa, it's the fact that because he's changed the plans on a whim, she now either has to travel for an hour at night or has to get up super super early on Saturday in order to get there so they can leave 'very early' as planned (OP's words). He's not thinking about her comfort or the practicalities of the situation beyond what directly affects him. It's not about permission and ownership, it's basic thoughtfulness. What if she'd already bought the train ticket? What if she'd turned down plans with others because she was sticking to what had been agreed, and now is left with no plans for Friday, where even if she did then make last minute plans, she'd have to cut the evening short at 10 in order to travel to him?
And where has he shown any flexibility at all himself - he stated his plans as fact.

Demonise the bloke, as ever well i see we're venturing into the 'bitter & irrelevant' zone now

Well said sonjadog

We're venturing into "women acting like wounded princesses over f*ck all" zone and I've never seen that useful in a relationship as yet so.

Stop extrapolating everything out to the enth degree and being doom mongerers , it'll change your life 👏

alternatively.. spend your weekend with someone who wants to wake up fresh and ready to enjoy each others company

dyou know what extrapolate means love

Stop extrapolating everything out to the enth degree

I think extrapolating was used correctly there.

extraditing
extraneous
extraterrestrial
these would have been wrong
love

But the enth degree wasn't.

I'm suitably chastised.

Unlikely thanks for having my back 😁 Hollow pedants live on Twitter usually don't they, are you branching out?

I'm only joshing. It's a sunny Friday let's be nice to each other 😊

Unlikely apologies that was supposed to be a nice smiley face not a mildly threatening looking one 😂

Oh dear. He's not a keeper, is he?

You had plans for Friday night, plans which were actually part of the weekend away. He got what he considers a better offer for the Friday night, and without considering the inconvenience to you (having to travel late at night or very very early Saturday), he blows you off. And not even in an apologetic way, no; he only mentions it at the end of a text conversation, and as a done deal.

And then there's the way he expresses it. “I’ve been dragged to a boxing match and so do you want to just come over at 11pm?” He's been dragged? Really? So it's not his fault, he's been overpowered by a dominant male Who Must Be Obeyed? It's a heads-up that he takes no responsibility for his own actions. And that he's easily led. Both of those traits, sorry, they are the traits of a piss-poor excuse of a man.

"He’s replied “OK, by the way I’ve cancelled my Sunday plans so am free then” "
I would not be making myself available for Sunday evening. Actually, I'm not sure I'd be making myself available for this weekend away at all.

I’d be annoyed by that. He’s just randomly and last minute changed plans. Not cool