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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

DP left me last night ...

35 replies

LittleMissUnreasonable · 18/04/2018 12:32

I don't know what to say really just came here for support.

Only being dating a year and a half but he says he cannot see a future together which hurts. I've noticed the distance coming for a couple of months now and I was starting to get serious thinking of areas we could move to in the future and the possibility of moving in together after a year or so ... he is very commited and loyal and I'm his first relationship so I doubt he's wanting to mess around.

I'm panicking as all my friends seem to be settling down moving in with partners. One is even married and I'm worried I'll be alone and my dream is to eventually settle down with children. I'm 26 but not getting any younger:(

OP posts:

Tropicana123 · 18/04/2018 12:38

Sorry to hear this op. My friend is going through pretty much the same thing at the same age, except they've just bought a house which they now need to try and sell. We are reassuring her that u will meet someone, and still have the dream u want. I know it's not going to help, but it will happen at the most random time and u won't expect it. Hope ur ok

Bedtimesnacks · 18/04/2018 12:39

You could have a child in your thirties or even forties. You are young. I am early 30s and a good half of my old school friends are not settled down or with children yet. Plenty of time. Stop worrying about what everyone else is doing

GladAllOver · 18/04/2018 12:42

You sound desperate. Please, please don't settle for the first man that might be willing to have children with you.

Kualabear · 18/04/2018 12:43

Sorry to hear that. Plenty of people will be along to tell you that 26 is really, really young - and it is! Please don't feel pressure from your friends to 'get on with things', you have ages to find Mr Right. I really hope you do, I didn't meet DW until she was 30. Twenty years down the line we are great and have 3 DC. I know you are sad but be good to yourself.

Beaverhausen · 18/04/2018 12:44

OP you only need to worry about settling down in your 30's trust me and I am sure a lot of ladies will agree. Enjoy your 20's all these friends settling down having babies will look back at how much fun you had in your 20's.

Travel, see the world, go to festivals, make new friends and who knows maybe in the next few years your lobster will come along and you will just know it is right. :)

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 18/04/2018 12:52

Sorry about your breakup, that's never nice, but I don't have much sympathy about the panicking desperation. You are so young! Stop panicking. 26? Jeesh!

Out of my friends who were in a rush to get married (and desperate and settled for the first bloke that came along) most are now divorced.

You are still working out who you are and what you want. You have plenty of time. And have fun!!! Independent, fulfilled people are much more attractive than people who are desperate for a partner.

mintich · 18/04/2018 12:57

I didn't meet my fiance until I was 33! We now have 1 child and 1 on the way. Don't settle because you are worried about timelines.

Bluntness100 · 18/04/2018 12:57

Your post is strange. You've just had a relationship break up, but you express no sorrow over it. You simply are panicking you'll be alone in the future.

As such, it seems you were in this just to be in a relationship, not that you were in love. To be honest, he probably did the right thing. You need to want to be with someone, not just someone who is available for the sake of it.

OstrichRunning · 18/04/2018 13:03

OP, I know it's a cliche but once it's clear a relationship isn't going to work (which it sounds was the case), then it's best to have it over as soon as possible. It can hurt like hell though, you have my sympathies.

Agree with all the other posts here - you're young and while I think it's good to know you want kids etc now and I wouldn't recommend putting that off till very late if you can help it, there is no percentage in settling down with someone unless you really love them. Best relationship advice I ever got was, when it comes to the person you settle down with, don't compromise an inch, but once you've found them, compromise a bit every day.

Having kids changes life in a profound way. I'm extremely glad I had a good chunk of adulthood before I became a mother to squander on myself
: )

hellsbellsmelons · 18/04/2018 13:06

26!!!
Please stop panicking.
You should be out there enjoying yourself.
Making the most of your youth!
Don't let it pass you by because you are desperate for a 'man'
Let this one go and get out there and move on.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 18/04/2018 13:06

Sorry he didn't respond the way you hoped.

No-one should take a lot of convincing to make that next move. Their attitude towards you will only worsen.
To echo others, 26 is not over the hill, (imo you've barely reached the hill).

Dan1983 · 18/04/2018 13:12

Plenty more fish in the sea. 26 is still young so there is no need to panic as you will meet someone who you'll settle down with.

Billericayduckie · 18/04/2018 13:12

I know how much this hurts, as my partner left me a month before my 30th birthday. I get your concerns about everyone else settling down etc. because that’s exactly how I felt.

All I can say is don’t panic, you really do have plenty of time to find the right person. It’s better to find out they aren’t The One before you do commit to marriage and children.

Me? I did panic though and married the next guy that came along. Long story short, we are now divorced and whilst I don’t exactly regret things, I do wish I’d not rushed into marrying somebody just because I wanted to be settled by a certain age!

TwitterQueen1 · 18/04/2018 13:20

You say you noticed the distance but you also say you were thinking of places to live - If ever there was a recipe for divorce that was it!

Calm down and slow down. You've got 10+ years before you you should even think about whether or not you're desperate to find someone.

I won't offer commiserations as I don't think you were madly in love at all - you just wanted to be married and he was 'suitable'.

PrettyLittIeThing · 18/04/2018 13:21

Agree with bluntness, sorry. Also 26 is very young to be worrying about being alone forever.

ReanimatedSGB · 18/04/2018 13:45

It always hurts to be dumped, but FWIW he's done the right thing and you will come to appreciate it in time. He didn't want to marry you, didn't want to commit to you, and therefore he has let you go to find someone who wants what you want, rather than stringing you along with vague promises just so he had somewhere to stick his dick.

patstar · 18/04/2018 13:45

26 is young!! I met my husband when I was 32

Iamnotacerealkiller · 18/04/2018 13:45

i met my current partner at 28, we are now married, with a house and a new born 4 years later. plenty of time :)

userxx · 18/04/2018 13:47

Your 26!!!! Get yourself out there and have fun.

elisenbrunnen · 18/04/2018 13:55

OP - I was married and divorced by 26!

Plenty of time to find the right one. Or not - plenty of choices out there, too.

Hissy · 18/04/2018 14:02

Sweetheart, I know you can't see this but 26 is still so young and tbh, you have a life to live before you have it potentially curtailed by husbands and kids!

I agree with some of the posts here, please don't see being single as a bad thing, it will make you feel desperate and potentially inclined to settle for a substandard relationship.

SURE, relationships are never perfect, but we have a duty to ourselves to make sure that we are the happiest we can be and feel loved and valued

Alyosha · 18/04/2018 14:03

You have a lot of time - my parents didn't meet until they were 32, they have been together over 30 years and had me at 37.

The most important thing is being happy with yourself, and then finding someone who complements you & that you love the socks off!

Don't rush into anything.

RatRolyPoly · 18/04/2018 14:09

I was married at 25.

Divorced at 28!!

Met the father of my dc (and all round fantastic partner) at 29.

All that glitters and all that...

AcrossthePond55 · 18/04/2018 14:10

As hard as it is, I think you need to try to look at this as objectively as you can.

You say you 'noticed the distance coming', yet you were still apparently planning a future together despite this. Was this 'out loud' or simply 'dream planning' to yourself? If you voiced this 'planning' to him, it could be that you were moving too fast for him and simply scared him off.

At any rate, and I know it doesn't help now, you are lucky he was honest now instead of leading you on, letting you start that dream future, and then leaving. That happened to my cousin. Seven years of marriage and two kids later, he informed her that he had never loved her, never wanted to marry her, and that she had 'pressured' him into it. She was devastated.

You are still young. I had my first just shy of 29. BFF had her first at 34. You have plenty of time to find someone who will value you and share those dreams.

RatRolyPoly · 18/04/2018 14:10

PS divorce is really expensive. Best not to rush.

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