When being a customer no longer counts

[Pleasebepolite]

In the past week two things have happened that have really upset me. I realise they may sound petty but I've just ended my 25 year marriage and feel so low. Everything that could go wrong has done and I just want a break from crap.

We have three horses belonging to myself and my two DD's and have spent a fortune on hay all winter. My regular hay supplier delivered to our yard (to another lady) and told her it was the last of the hay Two weeks later when we were getting low I called him to ask him if he had the large rounds of hay left as it was the small bales he'd delivered. As soon as he answered and without saying hello he said "I' haven't got any hay" I said "I was just wondering....." but before I could continue he said "I've told you already, there's no hay" and with that he just cut me off. I've spent around £700 with him over winter plus got him other customers too.

Then three weeks ago my daughter's pony was taken seriously ill and could have died without major surgery. I texted my farrier who was due to visit and explained we were at the veterinary hospital. I didn't expect a five page sympathy text but he just replied "Please tell x (another customer) I'll be late"

Last night I messaged him saying "Hi # can you book me in to your dairy when you get chance please"? He replied saying "With all due respect it is 10pm and it's a Saturday. Do you actually believe that 10pm is an appropriate time to be asking for an appointment. I will look at it tomorrow" When I read it I am ashamed to say I burst into tears. I have often texted at that time and he has replied and it has never been an issue before. I know he does his diary on Sundays and just wanted him to slot me in and didn't want to miss him. When I first opened his long text I thought he was asking about our sick pony.

Perhaps it was my fault re farrier and maybe it was late but surely he could have said "it's a little late can I let you know" or even not responded which tbh I was not expecting him to respond until today.

I'm a really caring easy going person, not entitled or difficult yet people treat me like this quite often and I don't understand why. I must give off a vibe that says "treat me like crap please"

Keep your chin up, often when things are difficult it makes the little rubbish stuff seem so much worse.

Perhaps you are taking everything a little to heart because you feel so low because of your marriage? That’s understandable and it has probably caused everything to be magnified.
I’d ring back the hay supplier and say “hiya, not sure who picked up your phone the other day- can’t have been you as you’re never rude!” Or “I rung the other day but not sure if you knew it was me, is everything ok or have I got any bills outstanding as you sounded cross the other day... anyway can you provide x, y or z”

You cancelling on the farrier- has probably cost them money. Maybe a phone call would have been better. It’s not the end of the world.

I wouldn’t text any business that provides a service to me at 10pm on a Saturday. Maybe Sunday morning if you knew he does his diary then would be better?

I think you’ve just had a few things happen at once, that have made you feel really crap.
Doesn’t sound like you’ve had a nice time recently, what’s your plan for this week? What tasks do you need to do? What will make you feel better?

I am sorry to hear about your marriage. I would change your suppliers! Fresh start. I don’t tolerate being spoken to like that and think it’s rude and not neccessary. You spend good money with them! Take your business elsewhere and be kind to yourself.

for you OP

Porkpieandgin - Yes cancelling would have cost him money but tbh our pony was seriously ill and I had to go to the veterinary hospital to meet the vet. He doesn't like phone calls and asks for communication by text only.

I suppose because texting late has always for the past year been the norm it never occurred to me not to do it as he has said many times that he is never in bed before 3am

I’m sorry to hear about your marriage and your pony 💐
People can be rude, I hope you feel better soon, don’t take it to heart 🌺

Thank you Latte

Yes Nubian I feel like that too. As it happens he hasn't bothered to contact me so I imagine he won't be doing so. Tbh his uncaring attitude upset me in the first instance. It would have not have hurt him to have said "hope your pony is ok" No need to have been so rude to me

Sorry that you've been having such a shitty time of it lately. I think this is probably why you got upset, so do cut yourself some slack.

However, I do also think that the farrier was very rude. If you give your phone number out for business, then you should expect to get texts at any time. I run a business myself, I don't give out my personal mobile number but do take bookings via Facebook Messenger. I usually turn it off outside business hours, but have sometimes forgotten and I've had messages at 2am in the morning. If this happens, I just ignore them and reply the next day. I would never reply to a customer as rudely (and be as patronising) as he has done. Definitely time to take your business elsewhere I think!

Really rude. Start looking elsewhere. My customers text me all sorts of hours, it doesn’t mean I have to read it or reply at that time! And uncaring too considering his profession.
Hope the pony’s ok

Very rude and he's unlikely to be woken.up by it. So he could just have waited until the next day to deal with it. I'd look for other suppliers op. Even if you had been annoying (you weren't) they responded very unprofessionally

I would look for a different hay supplier, the one you have is very rude.

A good farrier is hard to come by, I wouldn't text after 6pm in future.

Sorry you’re having a rubbish time. Although the farrier was not very polite he does have a point! I work with horses and while I have never ever sent a reply like that it is frustrating to be receiving work messages 24/7, especially if it’s not urgent. I can’t turn my phone off/silent in case I have an emergency but I get text and FB messages as late as midnight from people most nights of the week. The fact I am awake doesn’t mean I want to be working and I expect your farrier feels the same. Its your hobby but it’s his job.

Sorry to hear about your marriage

I have a horse and this winter has been the longest ever hasn't it. I think everyone has had enough and your farrier probably feels the same, if he's usually ok maybe give him the benefit of the doubt over the rude message. Be kind to yourself and enjoy the warm weather we have forecast

Sorry about everything going on. Things will get better.

Personally if I was spoken to like that from anyone providing goods or services then I'm afraid it'd be the last time. A good farrier may be hard to find but you can bet your ass it's not impossible.
Someone upthread said how it would have cost him money not doing your pony, well yes, it's unfortunate but what else could you do? Lift up your wellies and say "Do my feet instead so you don't miss a job?"
A text can be ignored. You weren't demanding he get back to you straight away. If he was that bothered that he would have a go at a paying regular customer then he should have his work phone off.

As for hay supplier, he cut you off and didn't allow you to actually ask? You could have been calling for anything - most likely would be, "do you know anyone else who has some hay at the mo?". Our suppliers wouldn't think twice about saying, "XXX might have a bale or two.."

Fuck em. Find someone else. Don't be sad. Be angry. How fucking dare they?!

They sound extremely rude, no sense of customer service. It's true that everything bad is magnified when you're already going through a traumatic time but still, that's poor treatment of a customer!

Hope you can find some little ways to take care of yourself.

Wow. I'm with the 'get angry' crowd on this one. It might be difficult to find new suppliers but maybe looking for new ones could be a positive channel for your energy.

My marriage ended recently and I'm still feeling vulnerable trying to do things alone. I've been through something this weekend which is not similar to your situation but has left me feeling snubbed to the point I was in tears (it's silly but I'd met a group involved in a sport I do, they're off on an activity which I'd have like to join but didn't know about in time and they didn't go out of their way to tell me, I put a message on their Instagram saying good luck & have fun & they seem to have deleted it, I feel so rejected even though there's probably a good explanation). And after feeling sad and lower than I've felt for ages I decided to turn it around and politely dump them. It's a paid activity so they'll miss my money, i can go elsewhere. Taking control of the situation and researching new groups today has alleviated some of the pain I felt.

Being let down or treated rudely by people you think you can trust is a big jolt. For me it brought back all my insecurities, and if my ex H was around he'd be gloating and saying it was proof that I wasn't any good at anything.

Put your energy not into being sad or wondering what you did wrong, but into researching a new hay supplier for next year. And re: the farrier, if you can find a new one, go 'no contact' with the old one and look forward to the day you can breezily say that you were so glad you changed farrier, the new one is great, you highly recommend, etc.

They were rude.

But

I suspect with the hay you weren't the first person to have rung that day/week etc asking about hay. It's been a long hard winter and non existent spring and it's not like the hauliers can just magic up more hay when they run out. When it's gone it's gone. In the grand scheme of things although you are in journey view spending a fortune you are possibly a small customer to him if he is a straw/feed merchant by trade, he will have dairy farmers etc that are paying him tens of thousands for straw.

The farrier thing is just a bit odd if that is how you have always done it. Perhaps he's just fed up and feels he needs to put some boundaries in place with customers?

Agree with scrowy re hay.

Re farrier it sounds like you inconvenienced him. Did you apologise for cancelling on him? Was it short notice? Obviously it's awful for you that your pony is sick but he's naturally looking at things from his perspective.

Look after yourself - it sounds like your marriage breakdown has taken a toll.

yet people treat me like this quite often and I don't understand why. I must give off a vibe that says "treat me like crap please"

I'd ignore the hay thing but if you've texted your farrier before at that time - then he was WAY out of order - and if you feel you can't respond to that, then that might be why he feels he can treat you like shit, as per above.

'I was astonished to receive your text. I don't know if something else is the problem here but as you know full well, I've texted you many times at 10pm and you have responded and I've understood FROM YOU that that communication is perfectly acceptable - especially when I also know you do your diary on a Sunday. If you don't wish to be contacted after a certain time - let your customers know POLITELY. If you don't wish to reply to late texts until the next day - switch your phone off. If you want to get a new customer to replace me, because I certainly won't be texting you again - feel free, and try and do so without being so unbelievably rude!'

Send him that and find a new farrier.

Fizzy that's a great reply

I'm self employed and like to arrange as much as possible by text so sometimes get texts at 5.30 when clients are setting off to work. I might swear at the phone if it wakes me up but I know it wouldn't have been sent to get at me, it's just when convenient for them.

Sometimes when you've become a loyal customer your suppliers can take you for granted. It might be you're one of those easy customers who pay on time, are flexible, don't ever make a fuss and, it's the weirdest thing, they can be the very ones who end up being treated badly.

Take your business elsewhere, your pennies deserve to be respected and so do you.

The texting thing is really weird. Anyone I know that has a mobile for work simply turns it off when they don't wish to work / be disturbed then addresses the messages in the morning. I thought this was normal as we all pop a quick text off when we think of it and rarely expect an immediate response.

Agree with others, take your business to people that have a bit more sensitivity, it's bad customer service generally but just mean when they know you're going through a hard time.

3boys
I know what you're saying and I'm not trying to excuse what I did but I have always messages him late evening and he nS never once said anything before. He's happily responded on all other occasions so how could I possibly know that his rules had changed?

Scrowy
You are right it has been a long hard winter and a very expensive one for horse owners (obviously that's the choice we make) but it has been a very lucrative one for the feed/bedding supplies which is great for them. I get that he may have had umpteen calls that day for hay but on that note let me ask you this. How would you feel if you called your hairdresser for an appointment or favourite restaurant for a Saturday night table and they slammed the phone down on you. Would you say "ah we'll I expect they've had loads of calls today so that's ok"? Yes I might be a small customer but if you ordered a cup of tea and a cake would you expect worse treatment than someone ordering a £30 meal?

Fabulous
I'm sorry to hear that you are in the same boat as me. It's such a rotten time and even more so when people are so insensitive. I get that we are probably a little more fragile than usual but it never ceases to amaze me why people feel they can say whatever they like and just don't care how hurtful that might be.

I think I'm such a pushover that people really do treat me like crap quite often and just expect me to take it, and I do! Well, no more! From now on if I am not treated with the respect I deserve then that is it.

I do hope you feel stronger soon, it so difficult

I think they were both extremely rude, and I'd be looking for a new hay supplier and a new farrier. Good farrier's might be hard to come by, but they're not indispensable!

Good farrier's might be hard to come by, but they're not indispensable Well, I'm not sure about that. I might be prepared to put it down to him having a bad day, if he's good with your horses and usually pleasant. Changing the hay supplier is a lot easier and I'd do that for sure.