When being a customer no longer counts

[Pleasebepolite]

In the past week two things have happened that have really upset me. I realise they may sound petty but I've just ended my 25 year marriage and feel so low. Everything that could go wrong has done and I just want a break from crap.

We have three horses belonging to myself and my two DD's and have spent a fortune on hay all winter. My regular hay supplier delivered to our yard (to another lady) and told her it was the last of the hay Two weeks later when we were getting low I called him to ask him if he had the large rounds of hay left as it was the small bales he'd delivered. As soon as he answered and without saying hello he said "I' haven't got any hay" I said "I was just wondering....." but before I could continue he said "I've told you already, there's no hay" and with that he just cut me off. I've spent around £700 with him over winter plus got him other customers too.

Then three weeks ago my daughter's pony was taken seriously ill and could have died without major surgery. I texted my farrier who was due to visit and explained we were at the veterinary hospital. I didn't expect a five page sympathy text but he just replied "Please tell x (another customer) I'll be late"

Last night I messaged him saying "Hi # can you book me in to your dairy when you get chance please"? He replied saying "With all due respect it is 10pm and it's a Saturday. Do you actually believe that 10pm is an appropriate time to be asking for an appointment. I will look at it tomorrow" When I read it I am ashamed to say I burst into tears. I have often texted at that time and he has replied and it has never been an issue before. I know he does his diary on Sundays and just wanted him to slot me in and didn't want to miss him. When I first opened his long text I thought he was asking about our sick pony.

Perhaps it was my fault re farrier and maybe it was late but surely he could have said "it's a little late can I let you know" or even not responded which tbh I was not expecting him to respond until today.

I'm a really caring easy going person, not entitled or difficult yet people treat me like this quite often and I don't understand why. I must give off a vibe that says "treat me like crap please"

You are obviously having a rubbish time just now however if these suppliers are normally polite and weren’t on this occasion I think I’d be assuming that they may also be having a rubbish time.

In the end you are the customer, you can always change suppliers.

When my independent garage man took on a new colleague whose attitude I didn't much like, I scouted around for another place without actually ditching the old one. I actually found that the 'attitude' was if anything worse at the other local options, so quietly took up with the original place - and Mr Shirty seems to have mellowed a bit. Could you do the same with farriers?

No if I rang a restaurant or hairdresser and got that response I wouldn't be happy at all (although to be fair I would probably be a bit and then have a giggle about it, but then I'm also not having the shitty time it sounds like you are )

But we're not talking about restaurants or hairdressers we are talking about straw/bedding/feed merchants and farriers and although that's not how I personally would communicate with people, your description of the way the hay supplier did is EXACTLY the kind of conversations I overhear between DP (farmer) and people in those kinds of trades frequently. Still no excuse though.

The message from the farrier is as I said previously, just odd.

The other thing to consider I suppose is that as both of these instances are livery related is there any chance someone around the yard is badmouthing you/ spreading rumours etc that may be causing these two men to suddenly start treating you differently?

Scrowy if I were in OPs place that's exactly where I'd be... forensically going over every encounter I'd had over the past 6 months and wondering what I'd done to make them all turn against me but that assumes a nasty, bullying atmosphere. And I'll say this, which I've learned after leaving an abusive relationship, is that no one has any right to an excuse to treat you badly! OP don't blame yourself for others behaving abusively towards you! It may just be a case of gruff-farmer syndrome (all I know about country life is what I hear on the Archers) but you've got a right to feel hurt and hay-supplier deserves no more if your business and good will. Assuming there's another hay supplier, that is.

I thought the text to the farrier suggested above (sorry can't remember who suggested it!) a very good idea. Maybe he needs the chance to apologize? especially as you had a seriously ill pony!

Thank you for your concern over my situation I too sometimes think I'm too nice but I am nice! and for the most part it's returned. I cannot imagine answering the phone in a cruel or sarcastic way. I'd be thinking of the person on the other end.