Expecting second baby any day now. After DC1 was born, I very much struggled to bond, we had an influx of well meaning visitors very quickly and I found 'help' that was given by in-laws and parents unhelpful. I've been writing lists/ideas of how I want things to be this time and come up with idea of pinning a 'help list' to the cupboard or fridge of ideas/ways for parents to help us.
Last time, MIL wanted to rearrange my cupboards and DM only helped on her own terms: held baby when baby was sleeping- not helpful, offered to cook but arrived at 7.30pm with a bag full of ingredients yet to cook. DH and I starving by that time. Finally got to eat around 9pm... I literally had the shakes waiting for our meal! I was only a couple of weeks post-partum and v low on energy and ready for bed by 8pm! DF still expected me to make him cups of tea and kept telling me to hire a cleaner as my house was a mess- he however offered no cleaning.
I've mentioned to DM that I am going to draw up a ' help list' for anyone who is wanting to 'help' so that everyone can see what has/hasn't been done and what they can do to help, such as walking the dog, washing up, playing with DC, collecting him from school etc.
DM rolled her eyes and looked quite annoyed. I asked her what the problem was? Had I offended her? She responded that I hadn't offended her but that she didn't like to be directed.
Was she right to be offended? Is a help list rude? Any better ways I can go about this?