Why doesn't he text me as much anymore ?

[runningintothelight]

Ok, please don't flame me . If you read some of my previous threads , I've had some really bad experiences with men , cheating , ghosting etc and I'm just very anxious about everything.

So I started seeing this guy 2 months ago. We met on OLD and for the first week we spent nearly every day together ( I was off work for vacation and he works from home ).

Then life got in the way , but still we see each other between 2-3 times a week. We texted constantly at the weekend and after work , during my lunch break .

Then about 2 weeks ago , his texts slowed down considerably . Don't get me wrong , he always without fail messages me a message in the morning and I always get a good night text . But nothing really in between anymore - maybe one or two during the day. This obviously sent my mind into a twirl like he'd gone off me etc and I was just very anxious .

He went on a business trip at the weekend and I still got my texts In the morning and night .. and I saw him on Monday and he was very happy to see me , and he's great and attentive in person.

Am I just overthinking this ? I'm just sitting here after work and he hasn't text me since lunch . Is he just comfortable that he doesn't need to text ? Or maybe it's that he is changing his mind ?

For context , I'm 27, he's 41.

Thanks guys x

Maybe he is just busy . Try not to overthink it although I know it's hard when you really like someone . Try to distract yourself and not dwell on it too much

In my experience, if the messages are still coming, he’s interested.

I’d try to take his pace for a while.

It’s so difficult when you are invested and there’s hope it’s a good thing.

They do tend to stop totally if they’re not interested. I know I have in the past too.

Work on that anxiety OP. Find ways to relax when the messages aren’t coming so that it stays a lovely thing and not one of tailspin. On that, I speak from experience. Good luck OP.

Thank you for kind replies . I expected to get flamed for being pathetic , which I probably am , but I was with someone for 7 years who totally messed with me emotionally that it's left a few scars . My new guy is great and I guess I'm just waiting for someone to pull the rug from underneath my legs .

Thank you x

Have you actually asked him why the texting has changed dramatically? Has his work schedule changed?
If he had time to text you previously multiple times a day what is he doing instead now?

Imo a change in behaviour is due to chasing/seeing other women. Not always but certainly most likely.

How much do you know about him?
Have you been to his home?

2 months is no time at all to know someone so keep safe and see how it goes but personally I'd hold back a bit now and do a bit of digging.

I haven't asked him , but I do know that he is extremely busy with work . I also know he's not seeing anyone else .

I've been to his house a lot , no evidence of anyone else being there

I'm like this, I'm just not much of a texter and like to concentrate on work in the day, but I do try harder in the beginning of a relationship to be polite and show interest. I think it's normal

He might be feeling more secure with the relationship already and doesn't feel he needs to make the effort so much. Just saying

He might be yes. We haven't officially talked about whether we're bf / gf or anything like that , but were dating exclusively as we talked about that . He said from the beginning he wasn't talking to anyone else because he was happy with the connection between us . And it's only got better since then so ...

No other man has ever openly told me they aren't talking to anyone else

OP - no one can maintain the frequency of texting of the initial meeting stage - when you are getting to know each other and it’s so exciting to find out about the new person.
That level of interaction can’t continue and it needs to come to something more sustainable in the long term.
So - that can be one of the reasons.

I also couldn’t help but notice the age difference.

You are quite different in life phases and experiences. Are you looking for someone older thinking that your anxieties may be less with a more mature man?

I am a bit cynical about men in their 40s choosing to date women in their 20s. A sort of relationship where lots of things are not quite balanced.
And - he may not be that sort of man insecure man who need a younger woman to feel a bit better about himself - and the reason he is still single at 40+ must be quite understandable.
But - then again - they may not be.

Sorry. This may not be helpful.
But - all of this is just to say - it’s unlikely to have anything to do with you - more likely a normal relationship progression.

It’ll be Ok. You are only 27. Still lots of time to meet Mr.Right.

He’s married?

I'm six months in now and this happened to me and like you I worried (still do). Like someone else has said you can't keep up the frequency you text when you first meet someone. The way I see it if he's still messaging you he must still be into you xx

I am going through the same at the moment (I think) 4 months in. I have been worried all week despite morning and goodnight texts each day but not much more in between. I wish I had read some of these positive replies before sending a needy text this morning. He has reassured me that he is just busy with work. It does make sense that you cannot keep up with the frequency of texts as time goes on. I was in a LDR for about 4 years so texting was common, I forget that it is not always normal!

Seems I'm the lone voice of dissent here but I'd trust your gut. Going from regular messages to just a morning and night each day does show he is less interested in keeping in touch during the day. Sure, that could be all down to work. But he was working when you were messaging more right? A drop is normal, but not such a huge drop so soon.

Anyway, it shouldn't change what you do. Reply when you want to, initiate when you want to. Keep a bit of yourself out of the relationship and stay a little cautious as it's so early and you don't know him that well yet. Enjoy the moment and see where/how it goes. Don't put your insecurity onto him. Remind yourself you'll be fine whether it dwindles or not.

I do know that he is extremely busy with work

Well there you go then.

Honestly, why the need for constant texting all day? Would drive me mad.

Seems I'm the lone voice of dissent here but I'd trust your gut.

Me too. It’s not the amount of texting, it’s that you’ve recognised a change in his behaviour.

Yep. My gut telling me a guy is losing interest has never been wrong.

Is he still as keen to arrange meet ups? I always think actions speak much louder than words.

He's still keen to arrange meet ups and yesterday I didn't text him when I got home from work . At 8pm I had a message asking me how my day went and I went round . I do speak to him on my lunch too it's just I have noticed a difference ...

I mentioned it last night casually , like I notice that we don't text as much as we used to, and he said that we don't but we still talk, and I said

Yeah , I think it's down to .... and he interrupted me and he was like , oh cause you think things have changed ? Don't be ridiculous haha. Then I said , well I was going to say it's down to being more comfortable with each other .. ( I was actually going to say that but he spoke out loud what I was actually thinking lol)

So I guess it's jsut me ?

He's not married , he's divorced

Did he say why he thought you didn’t talk as much?

Maybe guilty of applying my own past situations to you here, but I’d treat it as a light pink flag & be very aware of noticing whether he starts trying to fuck with your head & blow hot and cold. Is he nice in every other respect? No red flags previously noted?

I may be out of line here but l have a dd your age and l would hate her to be with a guy of 40. A few years is fine but thats such a different stage of life. I would worry that he would have so much more life experience including in relationships.

No red flags , he's nice all the time and in person he's even better .

I get what people say about the age difference but it's not a problem , my mom knows about him and I've always gone for older men because I find guys my age immature .

Sorry OP but I don't like the sound of this man. He's texting you less, then when you bring it up, he interrupts you and says you're being ridiculous. And the texting at 8pm and you going round - it all sounds a bit easy for him. The age gap would be an issue for me too. My gut feeling is that he sounds like someone who likes to mess with the head of someone younger.

I guess but I think it's the way I've typed things that maybe you have the wrong perception about him , because he's not like that at all.. he didn't interrupt me in a nasty way , he interrupted me in a jokey way because he thought I was going to say something girly ( which I was only thinking in my mind ) and when he said don't be ridiculous he said it in a reassuring way, not aggressive or tense or whatever .

I apologize if it came across a different way

Something girly?

Phew, just as well he was around to interrupt, nicely, and get those girly thoughts out of your silly little head.

It's early days, OP. Like a PP said, enjoy it for what it is, but don't let go of yourself as a separate person with your own life to lead.

Girly. Mate. 😧