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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What is a reasonable amount for your patter to pay

50 replies

01mol · 12/04/2018 22:29

My partner and I have been together for a number of years but last year after a number of false starts we agreed he would move in. I have a large house and earn a bit more than him but also hand my parents to living here in a self contained granny annex. I asked him for £350 a month. That covered all his food including lunches for work and a contribution towards heating lighting and other bills but not mortgage. (My bills excluding food and petrol and car etc are around £1400 a month). He said he thought that was too much as he wasn't making enough profit. (He had at this point rented two rooms out in his house for £620 a month). He said even £250 a month was too much his mother said as it didn't cost that much. I was flawedas o had thought that effectively he was able to save most of his salary. Am I being unreasonable? Since September he has only given me £250 plus bought wine (around £20 a week ) . It just makes me question whether I'm being taken for a fool.

OP posts:
Lillylollylandy · 12/04/2018 22:31

You're being taken for a fool. Trust your instincts.

pumpkintree · 12/04/2018 22:33

wtf. hes taking you for a ride hes got a house

NC4Now · 12/04/2018 22:34

Surely he should pay half your bills?
He sounds tight. I wouldn’t like that.

Aprilmightbemynewname · 12/04/2018 22:34

M
U
G

Hills that way >>>>

eggcellent · 12/04/2018 22:34

So he's just decided not to pay rent? And you're letting him?

Popchyk · 12/04/2018 22:35

"He said even £250 a month was too much his mother said as it didn't cost that much."

Go and live with your mum, mate. Funny how he charges £620 per month for his own house but he thinks that yours should be free to him.

He is totally taking the piss.

TiredMummy18 · 12/04/2018 22:35

SO basically he just wants to live at yours for next to nothing while he profits from someone else paying his mortgage and keeps the majority of his wage?? What?! If your living together as a couple shouldn’t bills be split 50/50?! He isn’t a lodger he’s your partner?? This is bizarre

01mol · 12/04/2018 22:36

I just feel so sad that it's not working. And feel it's beneath me to raise it again. I can afford all the bills but it does rattle me when he then tells me he's saved over £20k in less than 12 months.

OP posts:
Thisisanewbeginning · 12/04/2018 22:37

I just turned out my cocklodger and the cock wasn’t with the rent.
Don’t waste years on a dickhead.

Thisisanewbeginning · 12/04/2018 22:38

Worth not with!

gamerchick · 12/04/2018 22:39

Kick the cocklodging cunt out OP. He’s taking you for a right mug.

YOU'RE LETTING HIM!

If you carry on letting him then there’s nothing more to say. Enjoy!

BettyBaggins · 12/04/2018 22:39

Kick his arse out fast!

dilemmaaboutdad1 · 12/04/2018 22:39

If the bills are £1400 a month, then he needs to pay you £700. But on top of that, he needs to pay more for food. It is NOT rocket science.

If he's only paid you £250 since September, that equates to £35 a month. So, in essence he's paid the princely sum of £8.92 per week, for all food, board, bills etc.

Are you being taken for a ride. FUCKING of course.

I sincerely hope that he has a gold plated cock that rides you for hours on end.

Popchyk · 12/04/2018 22:41

It is beneath you so make sure that you only deal with this situation once more.

"Nigel, this isn't working for me so you'll have to move out. You can pick up your stuff on Friday. All the best"

Angrybird345 · 12/04/2018 22:43

Dump him

RosemaryHoight · 12/04/2018 22:44

Please don't accept this.

Unbelievable pisstaking.

KirstenRaymonde · 12/04/2018 22:44

He should be paying half of everything that isn’t the mortgage. He is not a partner - clue is in the word there - he’s taking you for a ride. It’s not beneath you to expect respect and actual partnership from a partner and to tell him so. He’s using you for cheap living, the fact he’s saved £20,000 shows he could easily afford to pay his fair share and doesn’t want to.

01mol · 12/04/2018 22:44

Yes I worked out half my bills excluding the granny flat and my daughter (not his) and including food got them to around £450 a month which is why I suggested £350 a month if he was buying the wine (about £20 a week) so I thought that was fair and then left him with most of his wages untouched. I've raised it theee times but can't revisit it. So I have ended the relationship but hard when deep down you love someone.

OP posts:
privateporcupine · 12/04/2018 22:46

I can’t believe the shit people on here put up with.

You have a complete arsehole living with you and you’re paying for the privilege.

RLOU88 · 12/04/2018 22:47

I sincerely hope that he has a gold plated cock that rides you for hours on end. GrinGrin

Flampingu · 12/04/2018 22:49

Well done for ending it Flowers

Popchyk · 12/04/2018 22:50

Good. I'm glad you've dumped him.

£350 per month (which is what you asked for initially) is not a lot of money for housing, utilities and food. You were already subsiding him and of course, rather than being grateful for your generosity, he felt that you should subsidise him completely.

Good riddance to him.

TiredMummy18 · 12/04/2018 22:51

What’s he said about you ending it? Hope your ok OP, back to reality for him now having to pay his way in the real world.

The golden cock comment had me in hysterics Grin

category12 · 12/04/2018 22:52

I' glad you've ended it - galling that he saved £20K in a year off your back.

theeyeofthestormchaser · 12/04/2018 22:52

Well done for ending it. He was taking the piss.

Flowers, op.

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