When your partner shows you who they really are

[babycham75]

DP of seven years. Loooong story, we lived together for a while but he got his house back from his ex and moved back. Sounds ridiculous I know but I've gone along with it.
Today I'm having some real cash flow problems and am left with very little money for the rest of the month. When he finds this out this morning, he can't get away quick enough. No asking if he can help, no advice, nothing.
I know he's not obligated to help me but it's so hurtful that he fucking scarpered when the chips are down.

What an arse. Do you have children together?

Does he have spare money to lend? Perhaps he's embarrassed at not being in a position to help you, even if he wanted to. And we all know what men do if they can't practically solve a problem don't we. They turn away from it.

Could that be what it is?

It sounds like your finances are completely separate so it's feasible you don't know his financial position.

He might be broke, Onemansoapopera, but he can support her in other ways. Running away shows what kind of man he is.

And not all men turn away from problems - only the useless ones do that.

No, no children together. I have DD, 10, from previous marriage and he has 2 late teens.
I hate it when he does this.
To be honest he is the last person I would ask to help me out. Normally I'm absolutely anal about money but this month the dates that my income comes in have varied slightly and it's thrown everything out of balance.
He's notoriously tight. It's the fact that he scuttled away when I was upset that's the worst.

I also have a DP of 7 years who I don't live with. I earn a lot more than him but he's careful with money and I'm rubbish so there have been times when one or other of us has been totally skint.

I would split my last fiver with him to make sure he could eat for the week, and he would with me too. In fact there have been times when both of us have done exactly that.

If he has gone home for toast rather than buying you a loaf of bread then you've really got to consider his feelings for you. I'm not saying he should be paying for you or that he should be giving or lending you hundreds of £s but surely a partnership is a partnership whether you live together or not.

I had a thread yesterday about having a wisdom tooth out - he brought me a can of soup last night which I didn't eat - he asked me if I still wanted it before he ran away

He sounds completely unsupportive
Why did he move out when you were living together?

He sounds like an arse. Don't demean yourself OP. What are you getting out of the relationship?

Well look, if he's notoriously tight why would you expect anything else?

Your choice to stick with him. I empathise but at this point are you expecting him to be what he's not or are you just pissed off he acted to type?

If it's the latter, you're wasting your time being with him if that makes you unhappy, are you not?

He moved out to go back to his house that he and his ex wife had. He says "we never lived together properly" and "you always knew I was getting the house back"
He claims he wanted the house back so there is somewhere for his kids to come, which I understand. I hate this feeling.

Also, he's not just suddenly revealed 'who he is' has he. You've known all along.

Yes I know. It's just not nice when it happens and reminds me.

Oh don't get me wrong I've been there with my ex. He eventually finished with me though and went off with whoever he's with now, which was quite humiliating after I'd put up with his annoying, tight and selfish ways for 5 years.

Don't be me.

When he moved back into his house, did he suggest you moved in? Do you own a house?

You'll live with that feeling until you dump the weasel.

Sorry but that's what it is. He's probably great in many respects but at his core, he's not a keeper.

Sounds like you have separate lives in many ways- forge ahead with that, and really really try and move on.

Bet you a pound that when he realises you're properly disengaging, he'll be Mr Attentive - he'll want to keep the bits that suit him.

I have a nice rented flat.

There was never any offer for me to move in. It's quite a journey from me, it would mean changing DD school, long work commute for me and he never asked me to move in with him.

So whats in the relationship for you?if he is tight with money and unsupportive? Why bother?

Do you live in your own flat?

Honestly, i'd ghost him. Well, just pack up and move on, blocking him later.

Does he have any redeeming features?

Did he take the tin of soup back with him? Def ltb if he did!!

I'm glad he didn't offer for you to move in. You don't want the upheaval of your DD moving schools and end up feeling you have to stick it out with him.

Move on. If he's neither emotionally nor financially supportive when you need a loved on to rely on then he's not a loved one. Your load will be lighter without him.

I couldn't live with someone mean.
Asking if you want the soup back?

Bin him.

Everyone’s calling him but if he was femle everyone would be saying they were doing right by moving back into their original house for their dc. Maybe there’s not enough room for all dc or he doesn’t think blending both his dc and yours will work and tried it before. Many couples can happily live separately. He doesn’t need to help you financially and might not have it himself as you both run your own homes. It was choice you made to continue this relationship when he moved back and by the sounds of it he was very clear that was his intention to do so.