When your partner shows you who they really are

[babycham75]

DP of seven years. Loooong story, we lived together for a while but he got his house back from his ex and moved back. Sounds ridiculous I know but I've gone along with it.
Today I'm having some real cash flow problems and am left with very little money for the rest of the month. When he finds this out this morning, he can't get away quick enough. No asking if he can help, no advice, nothing.
I know he's not obligated to help me but it's so hurtful that he fucking scarpered when the chips are down.

Wowsie he sounds very selfish. You would assume that after being together for 7 years he would offer to help, not even offer but actually help you.

i do not know OP the ball is in your court but for me it would be a no brainer, you are stressed enough, you do not need to sit and have his selfishness on your mind.

If you do decide to carry on with the relationship, I would stop him from staying over, he is using your electric, gas and eating your food.

People would be calling op assort if she was the man in the situation expecting a partner who doesn’t live with them and has the own house to help with bills.

He gives a nominal amount of money as here stats here 3-4 nights a week, gets fed, electric etc.

babycham - what keeps you with this guy? Tell us some of his finer qualities to help put this in perspective.

Then tell him he can’t stay or be fed here for the rest of the month as you can’t afford it.

Gives you a bit of time to think about your relationship.

Did he take the soup back?

No. I think he actually realised how shit that would have made him look

Nominal amount of money?? Does this cover what he eats and others costs when he stays with you? That makes him sound worse. Does he buy food, treat you? Or is him staying with you a cheaper way to get fed? That is not a redeeming feature!

I think you need to see this as a wake up call as this man doesn't have your back and never will.

I have a good female friend (known her for a similar period of time) and following my divorce she is offering to lend me money.She is a single mum but because she is as a good friend she can't bear to see me suffering.It takes a pretty callous person to run away when they know you are struggling.

I had many "opportunities" to wake up to ex's selfish behaviour, it was often not overt so I always had that feeling of, "did I need to make allowances".
However when I finally valued myself, I got the message loud and clear.He is very selfish and will always be.

I will no longer tolerate people, close to me, if they are not as loving/caring as I am.

Its amazing what happens when you listen to your gut and spring clean those in your life who take rather than give.You feel supported in a way that makes life's negative events bearable.I don't often need practical help but I know its there.

Don't allow yourself to be treated this way as selfish people slowly drain your life until you feel empty and alone.

I can only assume he’s very good in bed.

So you are subsidising his lifestyle? He saves on gas, electric, food while he comes round to you for company and his dinner. Fuck that.

What is the point of being in a relationship with him? Convenience of the sex? Being able to say you have a boyfriend?

It's v difficult. He does love me and I love him.
He's just extremely selfish and money obsessed

If he's that selfish towards you he clearly doesn't love you that much I'm afraid

babycham how does he love you? I'm still unclear what your man is bringing to your relationship? How does his love show itself for you (other than sex)?

When we love someone, we want the absolute best for them OP.

I couldn't IMAGINE owning a house and letting my DH rent somewhere! Even if we had no children together...I'd sell the bloody house and buy somewhere near his home so his child could stay in school.

Then I'd share a life with him...supporting one another and both chipping in financially.

I know all this 😞
It's just not going to happen.

So he won't look after you when I'll, won't help you out with a loan, never wants to share a home with you.

So if you get unwell/old/poor he'll dump you anyway???

Why hasn't his behaviour turned your love off?

It does. I just don't know which way to turn

LOVE IS A VERB!!!!!!!!!

it requires action!!!

ffs!! what do people think love means???? it's not just a vague feeling of co dependency!

How about you take a break for a while? See how you feel after a few weeks without him. You can't afford his keep in the week anyway.

I agree crunch, being scared of change or being scared of being alone seems to be often confused with being in love.

Feeling it would be hard to break up does not mean you are in love.

There is no evidence here that he loves you or even likes you. You can do better.

Op, when you are unloved by someone and they show it, as your partner has done, it impacts your self esteem.You start to feel you must deserve little and then it is a dowward cycle.

He knows he should help you.

I bet if you suggest an end he will offer help...it will prove he knows the right thing to do.

It takes a while for all of this to sink in. You already feel low because of finances but I promise you standing up for yourself is the start of something better.

Thankyou everyone

I hate mean men. Biggest turnoff.

I've been thinking about it all day.
Topped off by my bank not paying out the rent