This has to be the worst part of being separated parents, hasn’t it?

[Emboo19]

DD (18 mths) is away for the first time with her dad for the week and it’s killing me. I miss her so much and I hate that I’m missing out on the lovely things she’s doing.
I know it’s lovely for her and him and of course that’s most important but it’s horrible for me. I’m trying my best to keep busy but I’d much rather be spending time with her so it’s not helping much.

Hmm No I would say it's a plus he wants to see her. For me my ex is totally absent. I think that's the worst part personally.

Oh, I know it’s better for her PrettyLittleThing I’m just feeling sorry for myself missing her. Doesn’t help I’m off uni and I’ve been so busy on the run up to Easter holidays, I was really looking forward to my time with her. She’ll be back Friday night but I’m working Saturday, so I’ll only have Sunday with her, then back to the hustle and bustle of normal life.

Plus we’ve been talking of getting back together, but I was feeling certain I didn’t want that. Now I’m not sure again as I hate this part.

Maybe use the time to have a break and some me-time? I wouldn't get back together on this basis as you obviously broke up for a reason.

Speaking as someone who has been without ex for 5 years, absences from your DCs are something you get used to. DD2 was about 18 months old when we split and at first I found it really hard but it does get better. Just keep busy - it does help. I actually enjoy the childfree break I get EOW now.

That's what I'm thinking bixx. Op I'm sure you will appreciate the break once she gets older. I wish someone would come and take mine away for a few days lol.

I’ve spent time with friends and been doing some decorating in my new house so I’ve been busy, still missing her though.
I do look forward to my one night without her Bixx it’s just this is too long and I feel I’m really missing out. He sent photos and her video of her today and I love seeing her have fun, but just wish I was there to see it in person. And I know when I take her way he’ll miss out on things but I’m missing out now. And that reminds me of all the things I’ll miss because we aren’t together and that makes me cry.

I think she's too young to spend a week away from you. Couldn't you break it up into shorter periods?

hollow I agree it is too young but sadly the courts/ cafcass don’t. A sensible dad would agree shorter breaks would be better though.

No she’s already away Hollow

Emboo it is horrible, it does slowly get easier though. Especially as they get older and it feels more “natural” for them to be away for that length of time. Use the time wisely to rest / get stuff done etc. I am lucky, I can do lots of extra hours at work when they are away and then take the time off when they get back. I also catch up on sleep and exercise and socialising!

He took her Monday and is bringing her back Friday so it’s 4 nights and five days but he’s due to have her Friday anyway and I’m working Saturday. He’s said I can have her Friday though and he’ll just collect Saturday so I can go to work.

@HollowTalk she’s with her other parent, why is a week with Mum ok but a week with Dad not, assuming he’s competent?

I'm not saying a week off is good for her in either case. I think it would be better to see both more frequently. However, I do think that generally speaking the child's attachment to the mother is greater at that age. I'm sure I'll be shot down for that, but it's what I believe.

And to be fair to him, he did say I could go with them and he’d have preferred if I did. Wishing I had now, but that would have complicated things between us and that’s not good.

I’ve been busy Never. I’d just rather spend my free time with her. Been shopping and lunch with friends today, but they didn’t help as they haven’t seen her for a while and were both saying “it’s a shame emboo’s dd isn’t here”
I supposed to go away for a week in June with friends and she was going to stay with her dad. I’m really not sure now though and think I’ll see if someone wants to buy my place from me.

I agree hollow . They are still teeny when they are under two. Better for them not to have long gaps from either parent where possible.

Are you sure he isn't manipulating you? Great to see she is having fun but sounds like he knows what buttons to press to make you think about reconciling. Presumably you split up for a good reason.

In my dd’s case she’s definitely more attached to me. I’ve been the primary carer and he Dad is the first to admit he struggled and didn’t spend much time with her as a baby. He is really trying now though and dd loves spending time with him. And I trust that if she was distressed at all and he couldn’t settle her, he’d bring her home.

It gets easier. Every second weekend DD's dad has her and I'm always looking forward to the break! It's nice to get time alone with DP and get some me time!

One of the reasons I didn’t go with him was because I thought he was manipulating me, into going away with them and playing happy families. So I don’t doubt some of the photos of what a lovely time they are having is aimed at making me see what I’m missing out on. But I am missing out and missing her.

I’m ok when she’s away at the weekend Storm and do look forward to it. It’s this longer break and the missing out.
There’s so many places we said we’d like to take her and I can’t help but think, ‘what if he does them first?’ Then in general silly things like he’s bought her a little balance bike and he’ll take her on it for the first time.

I guess it’s my decision I’m struggling with and if I’ve made the right one!

And sorry my reply above was in response to AgentHannah

But he probably feels the same when she's with you all week. It's mainly the dad that misses out on 'firsts' I sometimes think men are damned if they do and damned if they don't.

I know he does PrettyLittleThing. Like I said this holiday is lovely for dd and him, it’s just not for me.
Obviously right now I’m feeling it. But I meant for any separated parents not just mums or just me.

Emboo I typed a reply earlier but decided not to post it because it referred to when you split up in the first place. Your updates made me want to post again. If I remember rightly you split because he crossed a line and you decided that you did not want to be in a relationship with a man who could behave in that way. Months later, he still has you considering a relationship with him, and your latest posts sound like you know he is pushing your buttons.

Obviously you want to be with your child every second. But that break comes soon enough with nursery/childminders/infants school. You won't be with her all the time because all too quick they grow up and away. Do you really want this man in your life in ten years time? You didn't want him when you first posted, please don't let him manipulate you like this.

Op I've followed your story. You're strong woman. After moping for a few months when the kids go to their dads I started to quite enjoy my time alone. I go to the gym, tidy the house, put my music on loud and cook, chat to friends, have a glass of wine...and have a lie in! It takes a while to adjust but even though I miss them terribly I try make the most of my free time. It gets a little easier each time.

I enjoy childfree time when DD is with her dad. And no, I don’t think 18 months is too young to spend time with just one of her parents for a wee, that’s just daft.