This has to be the worst part of being separated parents, hasn’t it?

[Emboo19]

DD (18 mths) is away for the first time with her dad for the week and it’s killing me. I miss her so much and I hate that I’m missing out on the lovely things she’s doing.
I know it’s lovely for her and him and of course that’s most important but it’s horrible for me. I’m trying my best to keep busy but I’d much rather be spending time with her so it’s not helping much.

Honestly? The worst part of shared parenting is when your child comes home very withdrawn and down, and you find out some years later that the other parent has been saying "your mum will soon have a new boyfriend and then she won't love you any more"

Or you see your child with a black eye, ex says its from playing football, child confirms this but later breaks down and reveals that ex's new GF (all of 10 years older than child) actually punched child in the face.

Or on ex's stretch of residence, he doesn't bother getting child to school, then tells child "it doesn't matter because you're a thick cunt anyway"

So yeah. Not even close. I'm sorry you're feeling lonely but believe me if your ex is not abusive then you and your child have already hit the jackpot tbh.

Mine are away for two weeks and it's awful. It doesn't get easier as they get older either. I'm counting down the hours till they're back.

I hate that they're doing stuff without me, especially as I can't afford to take them away. He's Mr Funtime and I'm the drudge who does all the boring stuff.

I know I'm being completely unreasonable, btw.

Notthefordtype you know I hope that these are reasons to stop contact. I'm sorry for you and your kids,life is shit sometimes. Would you like some help accessing support?

Tbh all my mum friends and sister are always saying how much they are looking forward to the weekend so they can get a break. I agree with notthefordtype. This really doesn't come close.

We’ve talked about getting back together caringdenise and tbf to him, I’m the one who’s been messing around recently regarding that. But we spoke at the weekend and I decided I wasn’t in a place for us to try. I’ve just moved into my own house and I’ve realised I need to live independently, I need to know I can do it all on my own. Not living at home with my parents or being with him or anyone else right now.
I still know it’s the right thing to be by myself for a while. But at the same time I’d love dd to have us together with neither of us having to miss out on stuff.

DD, goes to nursery though and she stays over one night a week at her dads. I don’t feel the need to be with her 24/7 or anything. I go to the gym, see friends, dance and I’m at uni, so pretty busy. That’s why I look forward to my time off with her so much. So as much as I’ve been busy so far, I’d have much rather been spending that time with my dd.

Apologies @NotTheFordType I thought it went without saying that I wasn’t comparing to abuse cases and that it was a more lighthearted ‘worst part of separated parenting’. So sorry if these are things you and your child have experienced. I really think any of the three individually would have me stopping contact, all three would have me contacting the police and social services.

That’s it Potplant. He’s got more disposable income than me at the moment and so he does all the fun days out and stuff, he’s away this week with her and talking about going to dlp in autumn with her. And I feel like I do the running round to and from nursery, making sure she’s fed, clothed and all the day to day stuff is organised and then when I’ve got time off and could be doing the fun stuff, he’s away doing it all with her.

Thank you @caringdenise009 ex died some years ago and we have spent many years unpacking his damaging messAges, unfortunately it's very difficult step parents to get any form of PR and although I spoke to both school and SS they were untimitely unable to help as the ex had full PR and I was "just" step mum .
Anyway let me not get into this just as its derailing OPs thread. OP i, sorry I derailed ! Hope your next contact day is less anxious. I think it will help if You want to do stuff on that day like is a very special occasion.

Friday will soon be here. I can fully understand how you are feeling. My children have been my priority for the past 11 years and have only had few nights away from them. I am now looking at them being with their dad eow. And of course he has every right to a relationship with the children. It is just a shame he doesn't feel that included maintaining contact on the other 12 days of each fortnight. But that is up to him.
It is a big change and in time we will adjust and get use to it. It is all well and good trying to keep busy. A week is a lot of time to fill. Hope you have a lovely day together on Sunday.

Thank you eve. I know he does miss her too, but he’s never really spent a lot of time with her through the week anyway (due to work) so I think it’s easier on him than me. I’ve been sofa shopping today (well looking) and I’m just going for my nails doing now and I’m going out for a few drinks with friends tonight. So feeling better today and she’s home tomorrow and he’s said he won’t be late with her.

Emboo. Glad you had a nice day. Hope you enjoyed yourself. And you have a lovely weekend.

Thank you eve34 I did have a nice day and night! So glad she’s coming home today though. I don’t know what I’ll do if he wants to take her for two weeks, I’ve hated this week.

Cross those bridges when you get to them. I am still wondering how I am going to fill a whole weekend. My life has revolves around the kids for nearly 12 years. But am looking forward to a lie in as haven't had one of those for 12 years either.

Another one here who hates it. And also in a very similar situation regarding considering reconciling partly because of it.

No advice, just understand how you feel. It’s so bloody difficult! And I know it’s grear that ex loves the dcs and wants contact and they enjoy it. But just not what I wanted for my family.

Enjoy her return today 😊

Thank you user149 that’s it! Missing out on holidays and time reminds me that we aren’t a family anymore and that’s the last thing I wanted for her.

But she’s home now and she gave me the biggest hug ever!! She’s had a lovely time with her daddy and she’s painted me a plant pot for our little garden (at one of those pottery painting places). We’re just about to make pizzas for dinner and then snuggle up with a movie and some chocolate.

Emboo. Lovely that she is back home. And very thoughtful you got a pot.

User149. Although getting back together is not in the cards for me. If it was I would have to think long and hard about it. Like you mainly because I wanted the children to grow up in a solid family unit. But as I say. It isn't an option for us and that makes me very sad.

DS was about the same age when we split. He’s nearly 2.5 now and although I obviously still miss him I fill our time together with such fun things and really treasure it. I do all the washing, cleaning, batch cooking while he’s at his dads so I get to spend as much time with him as possible when he’s here. It gets easier

It’s lovely eve it’s got her little handprints on and some flowers stamped on. He is very thoughtful with things like that, makes a big deal of mother’s day and often brings flowers or my favourite chocolate from dd when he brings her home. I know he could be a lot worse as a ex’s go. But in someways that makes it harder as I feel like sometimes we’re still a family and other times we obviously aren’t.

That’s what I tend to do on my weekend day with her Icklepickle makr it as fun as possible. I’m working tomorrow but we’re going to the farm on Sunday.