Is this normal? (Online Dating)

[tsc92]

I have been using online dating sites for a few months now, Tinder and Bumble, and I find that there's a few days or weeks of messages going back and forth, and it seems to be going well, but they just stop replying. Am I doing something wrong or is this normal?

Unfortunately this is par for the course with OLD. It really is extremely common, including after people have met - it's shit but the only consolation is that it's really not just you!

Yes. Lots of people looking for an ego stroke. I think I'm guilty of having done it too post break up
However I did meet my fiance OLD. If someone takes the time to read your profile and refers to it in a message (I see you like flower arranging I do too type thing) that's usually a good sign.
Then try and arrange a meet up soon
It weeds out the time wasters

Hmm, well that's reassuring, thank you! I would prefer to arrange to meet because I think you can't tell if you like someone until you meet, but I don't want to seem too forward?

Yes it's called Ghosting.
Frustrating but happens all the time I've done it before too. Oops

And that is lovely donajelmina, it's nice to see if works for some :)

I never advocate “the rules” because they’re full of shit but actually the guide they wrote for online dating is pretty good. They advise against chit chat and the focus is on meeting the guys. I don’t believe it’s yhe be all and end all, but they give some good advice whivb can help you not get hurt.

Tinder and bumble are awful. Use a proper dating website

@blackmirror1 which ones would you recommend? I am new to this! Thank you

Try plenty of fish and ok cupid. Also match.com

Be ruthless in deleting terrible messages from awful men. It's a bloody nightmare finding good ones but there are some out there

I think there’s a maximum time to message and if you go over it you’re less likely to meet up. I don’t like the people who expect to meet up immediately though, you need to know something about each other to get the conversation going in real life.

Usually I'd think they'd met up with someone else and it was going well so had stopped messaging anyone else from the site. But they won't tell you that in case things don't work out with the current date, then they have left the door open to come back (but in reality they'll probably move onto new people if they come back to the site instead). Bit shit really.

Tinder and Bumble can be fine, they're not just people looking for hook ups - there are some but there are also decent people on both. OK Cupid has a strong fetish slant and Match makes you pay to do everything you can do for free on POF - based on combined experience on the dating thread the same people are often on both sites. POF is probably the best bet overall - you have to wade through a bit of dross but it generally gives the best hit rate in terms of sheer numbers.

I met my fiance on Tinder!! My advise is to message for a week or two at most and then just ask if they are interested in meeting.. there are SOOO many people out there looking for an ego stroke and have no interest in actually meeting so dont waste too much of your time..

Absolutely! Don't take it personally. The thing with OLD is you don't actually know anything about the person, only what they want you to know. They could have gotten into a new relationship, moved out of your area, given up on the whole thing and deleted the app, just got a huge project at work and now don't have the time... you'll never actually know so shake it off and on to the next one

Yep the process is
-Match
-Get a message from them (note: i only ever got one real life date from initiating chats and I went on a lot of dates)

• Abit of chit chat - no red flags, all cool?

-The inevitable “tinder software is so crap let’s move to what’s app shall we?”

• You get their number and name and check they are who they say they are then what’s app.
• Get a date in the diary within 4-10 days.

I met my now boyfriend on tinder and I think we matched on a Sunday and met on a wed/thu which was pretty typical for me time span wise. I just said “I’m busy all weekend but free x or y if you want to do something?” It’s casual but flushes our time wasters

I agree with not initiating chats, it might be sexist blah blah blah but I prefer to just wait and see if they message. Generally I’d they don’t message first, they don’t respond.

Correct me if I am wrong but is Bumble and Tindr not for one night stands, I doubt anybody on there is looking for a meaningful relationship.

I would not suggest Plentyoffish even though a lot of people advocate it, just google women attacks by men they met on Plentyoffish and you will understand why.

If you want to try online dating use a bonafide one although there was that case of the serial rapist who met the women via match.com.

I'm going to a POF wedding on Saturday however I would definitely recommend googling your date.
I have a friend who googled her date and he'd been done for DV.

Of course all the other safety measures apply too.

Tinder is certainly not just for ONS. A family member has a good relationship going with someone they met on Tinder.

I've been on POF dates - never been attacked or hassled in any way.

Whats this about pof I keep hearing?

My ex is on there and has just been released from being sectioned and has a long history of violence. A friend spotted him on there and told me. I do feel sorry for any potential women he might meet! Is pof used a lot by that type of man then?! Surely you could just as easily meet men like that IRL?

I have used POF, and the idea that the majority of men on their are abusive pyscho's is a tad offensive. Not to mention the fact that pyscho abusive men are capable of paying membership fees for Match etc. anyway. I the idea that you're safer simply because you coughed up £50 is ridiculous.

You need to get the ball rolling quicker I’m afraid. There was probably a couple of examples where I met them following a month or so of chatting but most often we either chatted for a few days-two weeks max before meeting. People get bored I suppose.

You get some people who absolutely have to chat before meeting up - as someone else said, to get to know each other - but there are also people like me, who find it much harder to make conversation with a stranger in text messages and would rather meet up as soon as you've established that they are on roughly the same page.

Some are also chatting to several people at once, and stop chatting to others when they start actually dating one. I also found that some people seemed not really to be looking at all.