WWYD he is betraying me should I stay

[girlfromwest]

He is betraying me all the time, lies to me all the time. He is 30 years older. He loves me but he has issues and is doing awful things behind my back. I just gave birth to our baby girl 6 months ago. I don't love him as a man, I love him as a father of my child. He used to be my best friend, the only one, the love of my life until I was 4 months pregnant and couldn't take it anymore. I hope he is not the love of my life, if he is then I am a very unlucky person. I hope the love of my life is somewhere there, he must be so unhappy too, I will never meet him because I'm stuck with someone who promised me so much love. I promised myself I will make my baby girl happy, I will give her the full family for forever. I want her to have her Daddy always there. He gets angry when I mention betrayals. So I stay quiet and live with it. By the way I am slim and pretty and we had sex 3 weeks after c-section and Still do have good sex life. He says he has issues and is sorry. I don't want to be with him I don't want to see his face ever again. We have a happy life but I cry multiple times a day, in despair, only when in the shower on when girl is asleep. my baby girl, she deserves a happy family. Should I put up with this for forever?

Holy smit, LTD, whilst your little one is young enough not to be too attached to the creep. His is messing with your mental, emotional and physical health. You are so young, 30 is the new 20. It is him that is making you feel old.

That should say Holy Shit LTB, blinking auto correct

The thing is, I need to make a choice and both choices are going to make me unhappy. There is no happy ending to it, is there? Either learning how to live with a cheater and putting on smiley face (I don't have much self worth left anyway so can't lose that) or leaving him and being a single mum feeling like I disappointed my daughter by being selfish and taking away her Daddy.
Any happy ending stories from either side? X

I should mention that I am not very strong mentally (that's why decision is more difficult) especially since I found out the first "things" years ago it went downhill and I had to get professional help and meds to cope. Off meds since pregnancy and I don't want to get back on them.

You are not taking away her Daddy - if he doesnt see her then its on him (and is not a Dad you miss seeing). What you are doing is breaking the cycle and giving her self worth

Of course you can leave him! Your daughter is so young, she won't remember ever living with him. Which might be a good thing, given that he will probably die when she is still a child. Sorry, that's horrible to hear, but probably true, as he's 60 now. Easier for her, if they don't have a great bond. Leave. Take him for every penny. Find a guy your own age, who will be a good step dad to your daughter. make sure his life insurance is up to date with you a sole benefactor before you leave

You don't need a man at all, you are good and strong enough on your own to make your daughter grow up happy and fulfilled.

Life is an ongoing process there is no such thing as a happy ending - it's a life lived being true to yourself.

Your daughter is so young - if you were to leave him now the she would never remember you as a family unit. He can still be a good father to her whilst separate from you.

What he is is NOT a good partner to you. Who the fuck cheats on his partner and has the cheek to say you are his only one? And then pretends to act suicidal. Trust me it is pretence to keep you in line.

Grab some self esteem and leave this shit of a man. Woman up - you have a daughter. She will learn from you. And what will she learn? That men disrespect their partners, lie and cheat and that women are just second class and should just lie down and bear it? Or will she learn that her mother is strong, that her mother deserves to be treated as an equal, with respect, with love? You will never be happy if you stay. And if you stay your daughter will know you stayed for her and in time she WILL NOT thank you for it.

And there are plenty of single mums on here, me included, who successfully brought up well adjusted children, who had good regular contact with their father, and still had a happy life.

Get real. Get strong. If you stay your daughter will choose a man for herself exactly like her father as that is what she will know to accept. Do you want that for her?

Please please don't think leaving him is selfish and will affect your daughter. She will be fine. She will however be affected if you stay with him in a deeply unhappy marriage and possibly have a skewed idea of relationships herself.

When I was a baby my mum was in the same position as you (except my biological dad was actually not quite so bad as your husband).

She did leave him.

I can't thank her enough for doing that.

It was brave - divorce was frowned upon. But she WAS putting me first. She knew I deserved better than that.

I was so young that i wasn't affected by the stress, arguments and trauma you would associate with divorce. Not affected in the least. I wasn't deprived of a dad. I was given a happy home and stable upbringing.

All I have is amazing memories. I had a fantastic childhood with a happy mum. Your daughter will be the same.

Had she stayed I have no doubt the toll of living a lie would have screwed her and I both up. As would living with such a self-absorbed, selfish dad.

It would have been a miserable childhood and the polar opposite of what I had with mum.

You have no idea how much gratitude and respect I have for her for getting us out of there. She made the right choice. Without doubt.

Your child will thank you for giving her a happy life but I don't think you can with him. Put her and you first by leaving him. Do it while she's young. You both deserve better than this.

Co-parenting after a split is is much better for a child than attempting to plough on in an unhappy one with what sounds like a fairly deluded, self-indulgent, manipulative man.

You aren't happy putting up and shutting up indefinitely, if you leave you give yourself, and your dd, a chance to be happier in the longer term. Were there other women before you, is he just trading you in for this year's model perhaps. Nothing you do will ever be enough. He sounds abusive, manipulating you by getting angry and threatening suicide when you challenge his behaviour. Noone should feel they must tolerate this.

I'm not sure if it is your background and culture, or your husband, that has made your thinking so entirely biased, and honestly, wrong. Please please try and let go of your preconceived and set ideas about marriage and parenthood, as they are not helping you.

Let me try unpick some your last statements::

The thing is, I need to make a choice and both choices are going to make me unhappy.There is no happy ending to it, is there?

This is not true - you have fixed ideas that being a single mother is bad and you will be unhappy - I can promise you there are very, very many single mothers in the world who are doing a brilliant job of raising their kids and are also happy.

Either learning how to live with a cheater and putting on smiley face (I don't have much self worth left anyway so can't lose that) or leaving him and being a single mum feeling like I disappointed my daughter by being selfish and taking away her Daddy.

You can't learn to live with a cheater. You will always be unhappy and this in turn will affect your daughter very negatively.

Your daughter will not be disappointed that you didn't ruin your life and hers by staying with a cheater. You are not being selfish. If you subject her to growing up in a sham of a marriage with a desperately unhappy mother, she will probably never forgive you later on. And you will have taught her that men can treat women like shit willingly, and she will probably repeat the same pattern.

I can hear how sad and scared you sound, and I really feel for you. But you need to put your big girl pants on, start listening to some of the advice on here, and drop some of your extreme bias against single parenthood.

If you really want your daughter to have a good life, you need to leave this ridiculous excuse for marriage, and put her first, rather than hiding behind your fear.