N/C but I have posted about him before. Second marriage for both of us me 2 DC him 1 DC and all live together. None together. In my previous marriage my H fucked off and left me horrendously in debt so my credit rating was horrendous when me and current H got together. He has a successful business. We moved in together after a year and a half and got engaged, booked the wedding and he bought a house. I couldn't go on the mortgage at that point because of my credit rating. I sold my house and paid my debts but it's taken 6 years and I'm almost veering into a fair credit rating. House is still in his name. He makes excuses whenever I ask to go on deeds etc for some security. I work in the family business.
On the face of it people would say he's a great husband. He provides and we have an excellent standard of living.
He belittles me, runs me down all the time, tells me to 'get back to the council estate I found you on' (it's irrelevant but it wasn't a council estate, I owned my own home with my ex) tells me I am nothing without him, constantly talks about how amazing he is etc. His whole family do it too. They believe themselves to be superior because they have this successful business. I have no security.
I was always very anti porn because of a variety of reasons including the ethical reasons but if I'm honest also because of self esteem.
He swore at the beginning he wasn't interested in porn and I believed him.
Fast forward all these years on and the frequent occasions I have caught him using it. I learned to STFU.
I don't even cook any more because he criticises everything I do. He criticises how I clean the house and how I do the laundry. I feel battered down.
If we go out he openly leers at other women to the point where I don't want to see certain friends any more because he's behaved so badly in front of them and I feel so humiliated. I cringe if we are in the car and a young woman in tight clothing jogs down the street because he has no subtlety or respect for me (or them!) in the way he gawps open mouthed slowing down to leer at them. I have asked him not to and told him how it makes me feel. He doesn't care. I don't want to have sex with him any more because his behaviour makes me feel so shit. He's not bothered. He's that busy watching porn and leering at all the women he thinks he can have.
I recently was named on a will that eventually I will come into a sum of money. Not hugely life changing but would be some security for me and my DC. It's kind of changed how I feel because there is hope now.
I have been saving money and have calculated what I would need to survive on for 6 months if I left. I'm not quite halfway yet.
Yesterday morning I got into work after actually quite a nice weekend. He was on his iphone about to download an app although I couldn't see what it was. He looked pissed off that I had seen him. FWIW he's not an 'app' kind of person and always goes on about how technology is destroying humanity etc. Later on I walked back into the office and he was on his phone again looking for postcodes for something we were working on. It showed his history and 'Pornhub' quite clearly. He was watching porn in our office with me sat there.
I told him I'd seen it and to stop doing that at work.
He didn't say a word and I just went home.
All eveing he was breezy and singing songs while I sat in my DD room (my DC at their DF this week) no apology, no contriteness, nothing. Later he will tell me I'm being ridiculous because all men do it (and yes they probably do) and get over it.
He just doesn't give one solitary fuck about me or my feelings.
When I leave I will lose the house, my job, probably my dog too.
He's in my head all the time because he's drilled it into me how I am nothing.
I plan on leaving once I have the funds in place. I know it will be difficult though because pathetically there is still love for him. No idea why. It's the old cliche of when he's nice everything is great. But we always come back to this place and I know I can't stay. I don't trust him.
He was laughing at my upset last and will be today and then it will turn to nastiness. And that's not love is it?