Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Just when I thought I couldn't be anymore suprised by his crapness

40 replies

feedyourhead · 09/04/2018 23:36

We are separating thanks to a multitude of issues over the years that have left our marriage dead in the water. Fault on both sides, but only one side can admit that they aren't perfect and have contributed to the breakdown.

One of the (many) reasons we are getting divorced is that he believes himself to be too superior to have to think about family stuff, or carry any of it out. He has been detached from pretty much anything family related, does nothing, with the children etc etc. The way he sees it, his job is to bring in money/do DIY, mine is (literally) everything else. This wasn't a mutually agreed way of life, it has crept up and smothered me unannounced. I used to be independent and professional, and made more than him when we met. So literally, everything left to me. If he has to make a call to the bank, I have to get out the papers from the file and lay them in front of him so all he has to do is dial the number and speak. He's that bad! But doesn't see it at all. Thinks this is normal adult male stuff.

Today was the pinnacle of shitness, but the circumstances made me laugh and I wanted to share it. We are unfortunately stuck living in the same house until he gets somewhere else, and we were discussing/arguing about whether to go for two years separation or unreasonable behaviour for divorce. He first told me I needed to research it all and bring him the pros and cons so he can make a decision. I explained the key issues (no legally binding financial agreement if he wins the lottery etc) and he decided that maybe unreasonable behaviour was the way to go, but that he wouldn't have anything bad said about himself. I said I was okay with being the unreasonable one so he could divorce me. He told me to get the paperwork filled out for him and he'd sign it.
WTF? He wants me to divorce myself on his behalf, because he is too important and lazy to look into it or fill out the forms. He has the most lacking sense of self-awareness of any human I have ever met.

OP posts:
MyRelationshipIsWeird · 09/04/2018 23:42

Wow that’s a new level of twattishness!

Honestly now is the time to totally disengage from him. Don’t lift a finger in his direction unless to flip him the bird He can’t take the piss unless you let him. Hope you get it sorted ASAP. Flowers

RickOShay · 09/04/2018 23:45

That is sublimely awful. Hope you have happier times aheadFlowers

ChickenMom · 09/04/2018 23:50

Whoa...he really is super arrogant. If I was you, I’d just get it done ASAP and divorce him. In unreasonable behaviour I’d write sarcastic things like “not being prepared to print out husbands banking documents” or words to that effect. Alternatively, go for two years separation and file a deed of separation and make him wait but totally disengage. What a twat he is! Throw a party when you are finally rid and make sure you post photos (Nicole Kidman style) where he can see them.

feedyourhead · 09/04/2018 23:57

I'm glad I'm not the only one to see it this way - it's been going on for years, gradually getting worse. There are millions of examples, but I thought this one was the icing on the cake. When I have to tell my family why I'm getting divorced from Mr Wonderful, I'll be sure to use this as my example.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 10/04/2018 00:06

It's brilliant if you think about it. Once you're rid of him he will have to do his own bloody admin. It's like he's supplying his own karma.

helpimgoingcrazyhere · 10/04/2018 00:08

Wow! Just wow!!!

He has taken twattishness to a whole new level.

snewsname · 10/04/2018 00:11

I'm glad you see the funny side of it. Did you point it out?

Rainbowqueeen · 10/04/2018 00:12

Chickenmom has a great idea

You could add " expects H to purchase gifts for his family". " expects H to put his coffee cup in the dishwasher" - these are just guesses but sounds like he is the type who would so do this.

I also would just get it done to be rid of him.

And then sit back and laugh while he struggles to get to grips with it all

PhonixK · 10/04/2018 00:12

Me and my husband split 4 weeks and honestly he can't do anything for himself. We have an appointment at the bank tomorrow to take him off the joint account and asked me to remind him! Not happening.

Don't do it. Don't make this easy for him let him sort his own shit out

thewooster · 10/04/2018 06:50

God what an entitled git. Reminds me of my DF and DB who used to expect my DM to do everything until she got ill including laying everything out in front of them and dialing the telephone number, filling out forms, all wifework.

They turned to me (being female) like helpless babies when she was in hospital for a few weeks but soon got a flea up their backsides.

Don't make it easy for the superior dinosaur OP.

Ryder63 · 10/04/2018 07:12

superior dinosaur

Excellent term for men like this, thewooster!

feedyourhead I think you've won the MN for your tale of husbandly twattery! divorcing yourself! OMFG. This will be with me all day Grin

Sally2791 · 10/04/2018 07:18

Has he asked you to create his dating profile so he can find the next slave? Divorce him on unreasonable behaviour without his agreement -what a twat!! Best of luck for a happier future

Ryder63 · 10/04/2018 07:36

Sally create his dating profile? She should also select and interview possible candidates for him! Grin

LikeARedBalloon · 10/04/2018 07:44

I had to fill out my own divorce papers for exH to sign too...he was too lazy/reluctant/etc to do it himself but also wouldn't agree to unreasonable behaviour against him. In the end I filled out the forms myself and just got him to sign them...I didn't care about being the unreasonable one, I just wanted to be divorced! 😁

Butterymuffin · 10/04/2018 07:52

Wow. Spell his name wrong on the form.

BatshitCrazyWoman · 10/04/2018 08:18

I had one like thisHmm

The thing about getting divorced is that you don't have to do what he wants. Divorce him for his unreasonable behaviour! There isn't any point in trying to get a man like this to agree!

2cats2many · 10/04/2018 08:21

What an arsehole. You're well rid of him.

missbonita · 10/04/2018 08:22

Please please please fill in the form with ‘refused to be a subservient lackey to his royal highness the prince hisname’

MessyBun247 · 10/04/2018 08:30

‘he can't do anything for himself’.

It’s not ‘cant’, it’s ‘wont’ or ‘chooses not to’. So bloody many men like this. Entitled, arrogant, lazy. No wonder married men are statistically happier than single men, and single women are happier than married women. Too many women putting up with shit like this. I did it for long enough.

Zaphodsotherhead · 10/04/2018 13:41

I also had one like this... the 'I go to work and earn money so you have to do everything else' rang a bell.

Why are they so prevalent? What makes any human being think that all they have to do is bring money in to the house, whilst the other person in the partnership is run ragged?

nightgap · 10/04/2018 14:48

I have decided you are one most excellent person.

Its just so funny that you will need to divorce yourself, never heard that one before. No funny in a horrible way.

so really he does not do all the DIY, your doing your DIY divorce.

If you are doing the DIY divorce you should get to decide the terms.

love out to you

Onemansoapopera · 10/04/2018 15:34

My exh was like this and its massively common in blokes. Even my lovely dh will dial a number on his phone then pass it me to speak on his behalf. Women have been doing men's admin since we could stand upright and probably before, so men have evolved that way ie self indulgent knobbers.

Change9944 · 10/04/2018 15:39

My ex used to make me ring his bank / utilities etc in his name and talk to them. He would give permission to the call handler by my handing the phone to him to say yes i give permission. He used to say it was all too confusing for him

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 10/04/2018 15:41

Well, I'd fill out the forms as me divorcing him for unreasonable behaviour and list a handful of the less severe things.

Then wave it under his nose for signing hoping he doesn't notice. Hey presto you are divorcing him like you originally wanted

If it really has to be him divorcing you then put down the maddest stuff, including this example so you can laugh about it for years.

DullAndOld · 10/04/2018 15:42

" He wants me to divorce myself on his behalf, " Grin

Seriously though, why dont you just divorce him on the grounds of his unreasonable behaviour? Why should he come up smelling of roses when he is a lazy twat?

Swipe left for the next trending thread