Communication has completely fallen. We can't have a converstation and I can't say how I feel without him twisting it around to say how depressed he is and how he hates his job.
He's had 2 years to find more work and go to the doctors and now I've stopped supporting that because he does nothing to change it and it's making me miserable.
He shouts at me and the kids daily and it goes on for hours untill he "makes us" understand why we made him shout in the first place.
"Example"
DS forgot to charge the controller after last use on XBox so because he wanted to change the controller he came downstairs and DH instantly jumped down his throat about making sure you charge it. Acussed him of breaking it because its was dead. It wasn't broken. This resulted in a huge row and him screaming at DS caling him a spoilt brat.
I was cleaning the house the other day while he was at work so popped the kids on the pads. They died and when he got in screamed at me for letting them on them too long.
(I Do work too btw)
He works 37 hours me 24.. Im a nurse, he works with computers.
So I do all cooking, cleaning, school and childminders runs as well as getting up with the youngest at night, shopping.
I'm exhausted so sometimes I do use the computers as a way to occupy while i take 5 or get things done. But they also draw, play out, do after school clubs. They are active kids.
He says I'm lazy and just put them on them to keep them quiet.
He will help with washing and cleans the bathroom once a week.
But he mostly just checks and controls everything is in place and they haven't lost a school jumper or book ect. Because god forbid they left something at school all hell would brake loose.
He even checks their laces to see if they've untied them because they will ruin them if not and he (we) will have to buy more.
To be clear they've just had a new pair after 8 months which I think is good going.
They are good kids and apart from a few slip ups look after things.
Weekends hes either at football or coaching it or I'm working.
I've had two nights off so far this year and I'm at my wits end.
He goes to football whenever he likes.
If I spend money on myself I'm selfish because he is always skint ( he has big loans because I think he gambles alot) But refuses to show bank statements.
I'm so ashamed I've started smoking after 2 years quitting because im so stressed. Now thats just something else to have ago at me about. He threatens to tell the kids because hes knows they'll be upset with me.
Everytime I attempt to stop again, I get so stressed from it all and him grinding me down. I buy more, and I'm really not proud!
Im utterly down and depressed and I'm going to leave him. I just need to get myself together and find the strength.
Control freaks never change do they?
I've taken to messaging him while at work because I don't want a row and a poor me speach in person. So he just has ago at me about that. But I'm so stressed about discussing anything because he doesn't listen. At least if its written down I can go back and point things out without him twisting it to suit him.
I know what I need to do. Please give me strength!
He name calls and controls continuesly and I've had enough!
Please tell me I haven't gone crazy.