I miss him so much. How do you get over it?

[MollyHopps]

I'd really like to hear about different ways others have found to get over someone. I am really struggling with it at the moment, despite being the one who broke up with him.

I am worse at certain times of the day than others (for some reason between 4 and 6 I find it really hard and can't stop myself crying - then I am absolutely fine again). I am fine all morning then over the afternoon my mood starts to dip.

I don't know what to do to cope with this at all. I am speaking to people as often as I can so I don't feel so lonely, and I am going to make myself go out next weekend so I can at least try and meet people, but I cannot get my Ex out of my head at all. All I can think about is hoping that he will try and get me back.

So what did you do to cope and get over someone after breaking up? I am fed up with feeling sick and like a hole has been punched in my chest.

Seems like you’re doing all the things you should be doing
You can’t bypass this stage of grief unfortunately
You have to ride it out and only time will help you
And try and let go of the false hope, it will only hold you back
Sorry, I know how it feels. It’s seriously grim

Just to add, you obviously broke up with him for a reason. So I would concentrate on not forgetting that reason

I know how hard this is. It’s grief. You wouldn’t be asking how to get over him if he’d died, you’d accept that it would take some time and a lot of tears to learn to live without him. What were your reasons for ending it? And was he in agreement?

FWIW I was in your position a few weeks ago. It had been 2 months since I made the decision but I was struggling so much. We met up to exchange some items and both felt the connection again, talked a lot and decided we could try again. It’s so hard this time around. It’s only been a few days but of course all the old problems are still there, along with some new ones now.

It’s ten times harder to make it work when you’ve got a split and all the associated pain under your belts. For both your sakes, try to distract yourself when you feel sad, or indulge it and watch a soppy movie. Imagine life in the future with someone more compatible and mentally thank him for the good times, while acknowledging all that was wrong.

I honestly think that if I could go back to that day last week when we met up again I’d do it differently and save us both the heartache of this toxic relationship or the pain of breaking up again

There's no magic formula sadly. Just some time, distraction techniques and occasionally, alcohol! Find something to laugh at, do an immersive activity that gets you out of your own headspace and as soon as the sad, maudlin thoughts enter your head, banish them and focus on something else entirely, even if it's just counting backwards from 100. Remember the reason you chose to end it too.

If you find yourself thinking about him, concentrate on every negative aspect to him and the relationship. Make a list if you have to.

Don't watch tv programmes or listen to music that reminds you of him. Hide/bin all evidence of him. No photos, no old tshirts or CDs. If it makes you think of him then get rid.

Do you have any friends with young children? Spend time with them between 4-6. It is nearly impossible to be low and teary when you've got a four year old explaining the wonders of Shopkins to you while her brother is showing you the best way to build a rocket out of Lego. Distraction is the key.

If you can afford it, decorate your bedroom and buy new bedding. Create a space for yourself he hasn't been in.

Surround yourself with friends and make plans to do one lovely new thing each month. If you've always wanted to go trekking in Peru but couldn't because he wanted to sit by a pool in Marbella, this is your time to do it. 🌺

Watching and learning with interest.
This is raw for me at the moment as my heart and head are in 2 different places.
Everything makes me think of him every song every film. I feel robbed all the plans we had.

Whoever said it's like grief is right.

The most difficult thing in life is to grieve for someone who is still alive. I am in the same situation myself and I feel so rough. I am trying to keep busy with work and running and friends if they can make time for me! They say it gets easier and from experience it does.

Sorry you 're in this position. I just finished with my bf yesterday and I'm struggling too. I know it was the right decision but I miss him. I've written down on my phone a list of the reasons why it wasn't going to work and keep reading it. I'm watching stuff i couldn't watch with him whilst knitting. Tomorrow I'm going to a coffee morning and I'm going to try and get out as much as possible.

I'm not ready to get rid of photos etc yet. I understand why it's a good idea and I'll try to soon.

Why did you break up with him? Write your list of reasons why you did and read it every time you wobble. Also, be busy, go out with friends and have fun

Set yourself a new goal of some description - whether it’s exercise related or reading more, cooking new recipes, gardening, something to give you sense of achievement. Shake your routines up a bit. When my ex left me I started running and it felt like a new and positive chapter rather than a completely morose one.
His bedside table was also empty and his side of my big dresser so I had a nice rearrange and bought myself some new bits so it felt like all mine - anything to put a positive spin on the sad bits.

Think of the reason you broke up with him, and imagine the future where you may be a little bit more vulnerable but with that reason x10 still around you.

Grieve, yes; but thank yourself for protecting the Future You.

Totallyfkdoff My head and heart are exactly the same. My head knows he is not good for me but my heart? My heart is being a shit.

He recently contacted me to list all my faults. Some of them were fair, but most of them I think were just him venting his anger. It has oddly helped me see him for who he truly is - which the red flags I ignored told me near the beginning. I even recognised them as flags, posted on here, got brilliant advice and my stupid heart took over and I decided to stay. It turns out he was, as his ex had already told him, quite emotionally (and now verbally) abusive.

It's odd though. My gut instinct (as if it is trying to protect me and prepare me for it) is telling me he is going to regret this when he has calmed down, and try to come back.

I have set up a reminder on my phone for 9am every day to go off, listing all the reasons we wouldn't work. Totallyfkdoff Maybe this is something you could do, too?

I think I need to read the gift of fear again. Sadly, I don't think any of this is over It feels like the calm before the storm.

In fairness to him, he's had no problem making a list of your faults (real and imagined) so take his example and list his. Then realise it's not that either of you have faults, it's that you are a bad fit and that's it. You can't move forward and accept you're an imperfect person still worthy of a good relationship unless you wish the same for him.

I missed my ex so much, so much it hurt and reading your post I thought it was mine

A few weeks on and he contacted me, is sorry, wants to try again. We've had some great days and I felt happier....until the handful of bickers we've had already and now I'm still sad...because I know it's done and I know it's over
It still hurts and I don't want it to be.
But I've posted this morning about something that happened last night and it feels like I've gone backwards not forwards
I thought we could be friends and try start again but I think that's going to be impossible with my ex

I don't know the reasons you split, it depends if you can get passed them
With me I feel I've given my ex far too many chances
But I just want to say I know those feelings you've described
Like others have said
Think it's just riding the storm and hoping it will pass

And know your self worth

Onemansoapopera That's what is in my Reminder list. A list of reasons we wouldn't work, that doesn't focus on the faults of just him or just me, rather both of us.

foreverday That is what I am afraid of and what my gut feeling tells me. He has said some harsh things but I think it is all anger. He wants me to feel awful like he does, and in a couple of weeks or so he is going to calm down and get back in touch. I am sorry your are going through the same thing as me. It's so hard isn't it?

I wish it wasn't. I wish I could just click my fingers and be fine. My poor kids, I took them out yesterday and cried in the middle of McDonalds (bumped into a mutual friend). Not my most dignified moment

So hard, I'm really really struggling
But I just feel I can't go back to my ex
Too much has happened and sometimes I feel like this isn't what I want for my life
Someone on here said guess what ? You don't have to so I guess we don't have to put up with shitty treatment
I really wish I find the courage to move on and not want him
For you too xx

I man chipping in here just to say I am feeling exactly the same , i stupidly went back for one night then realised it wasn't what I wanted to do and feel like i am back to square one ...it's tough and watching this post with interest .

What happened averageguy1?

forever , like you I have an active thread it would be easier to read that , but i feel your pain its awful and won't go away but hopefully soon it will for all of us.

averageguy1 I'm sorry you are in similar circumstances. What made you go back? This is something I worry about with the ex. I have such a strong feeling he is going to calm down and something will happen. I really do feel like its the calm before the storm. I am off to read your thread now.

I hope we all come out of the other side soon too. I actually had a good day today. I don't feel sad, I don't miss him anywhere near s much now. I just have a feeling of impending doom when I think of him.

Molly ...I went back because I had briefly saw her earlier in the day but took myself away from the situation and handled it quite well , later that evening after a few drinks a mutual friend convinced me i could forgive her, i then foolishly went to her house and we spent the night together ..I won't lie it made me feel fantastic until the next day ..

Op,
All I can say is it WILL get better,day by day,without you realizing,you are getting stronger and stronger.
Your head will beat your traitorous heart into submission and you will be free of this longing for him to return into your life.And you will heave a big sign of relief that you held out through the tough times.
Be kind to yourself,it's a very difficult time.
Before you know it you will be enjoying life again.

It's always hard when you bump into them unexpectedly or have random contact averageguy1 - I can see why it's such a good thing going completely NC.

Because I haven't had any contact with my ex (deleted numbers, blocked etc etc) I have found the last couple of days really easy. I still think about him, but I am more worried about him struggling with things (There are certain this he was struggling with before we split and I am hoping he is coping with them).

Thank you KarmaStar I hope my heart is beaten into submission soon. I can't wait to be out the other side of this. I am taking myself out for the afternoon so I am keeping myself as distracted as possible :)

Molly you are so right 're the no contact i am trying my best , we live so close together i drive past her house everyday pass her going to work on the school run , i cannot avoid it due to the size and layout of our village . I don't think i will ever be over it, at the minute.

Took me about a year to get over ex and he wasn’t an abuser who messed me about (as it sounds like your ex is).

Be proud of yourself for leaving him (so many women don’t) and remember that anyone who can list your faults, isn’t a loving person whom you should spend your limited time on.
Keep going.
Be proud!

(Am now married to a wonderful man whom I wouldn’t have met I had stayed with my ex)