I miss him so much. How do you get over it?

[MollyHopps]

I'd really like to hear about different ways others have found to get over someone. I am really struggling with it at the moment, despite being the one who broke up with him.

I am worse at certain times of the day than others (for some reason between 4 and 6 I find it really hard and can't stop myself crying - then I am absolutely fine again). I am fine all morning then over the afternoon my mood starts to dip.

I don't know what to do to cope with this at all. I am speaking to people as often as I can so I don't feel so lonely, and I am going to make myself go out next weekend so I can at least try and meet people, but I cannot get my Ex out of my head at all. All I can think about is hoping that he will try and get me back.

So what did you do to cope and get over someone after breaking up? I am fed up with feeling sick and like a hole has been punched in my chest.

Wish there was an answer. I would do anything to not be going through this. It breaks my heart he isn't in my life anymore. And I have to endure sharing the children. I hate everything about this. And would change this in a heart beat. I find minimal contact works best and keep it professional.
He is not my friend and has to be treated accordingly.

But it bloody well hurts.

When I broke up with my ex I wrote down all the reasons why I didn’t want him back and why I broke up with him, was about 6 pages worth in the end. Kept them until I felt I’d got over home completely just to remind myself why he was an ex.

I wish I had the answer OP. I’m six months on and I still get blindsided by grief. I’m on holiday with lovely family inc. small children and it’s making my heart hurt that I’ll never be ex’s wife or have his children.

Despite pity party above: advice I found useful in raw first weeks was to behave as though recovering from flu. So, lots of rest, nutritious food, watch and read non taxing happy stuff.

Also be quite ruthless about only spending time with people who you really love and who really love you. Avoid people who you have to pretend with or who are enjoying the drama. Especially mutual friends who might be invested in getting you back together and will talk about ex and how he’s doing.

I also found writing letters to myself helped: for a month, year, 5 years in future. Keeps the focus on you and your life, not the ex.

I'm going through the exact same. Hugs to you You'll get through this. Time will heal. Be patient with yourself. Do the things you enjoy, take up new hobbies, spend time with loved ones etc. And don't forget, grief will feel shit and you have to go through it. Don't fight it - just go with it. Things will get better, I promise.

I ended my relationship recently and found it helpful to write a list of all his negative traits. There were something like 60! I really broke it down into personality traits, personal hygiene, habits and miscellaneous. It really made me realise how unhappy I'd been and how it was the right thing to end things. Whenever you have a wobble you can look at the list to remind you why you deserve better.

I started a list a week or so ago , i have just been shopping and an Ed Sheran song came on in tbe supermarket that wasn't relevant to us at all but caught my breath..now sat in my car adding to my list , i write the positives as well for balance but not sure that helps 😏

I'm sorry to see so many posts since I last updated. It's nice not to be alone at the Heartbreak Hotel mind you, eve though I wouldn't wish this on any of us.

averageguy1 That must be so bloody hard. Can you take another route to work or wherever you travel to? I'm glad I only have him on Facebook and I can limit seeing his posts. Lists are good. As I mentioned before, my reminder isn't all just him and everything that was wrong with him. It has my own faults on it and how they contributed to why we wouldn't work in the end.

Something I hadn't mentioned before, is that Ex still has my house keys and owes me money, hence still being connected on facebook. Please excuse the drip feed :(

Bosabosa

remember that anyone who can list your faults, isn’t a loving person whom you should spend your limited time on.

I am going to add that to my reminder list. I have started listing things like that from the thread and added them to it. It alarms every morning to remind me why I am better off.

Eve34 Please come and follow the thread. It really is shit isn't it? but as MC as possible really does help. And you are right. He isn't a friend and keeping things amicable but formal when you do have contact (as hard as it is) is definitely the way to go. Just remember when you do see him to stay strong. You can always cry when he isn't there.

AllFakeFurCoatAndNoSpanx I am sorry you are going through this too, and thank you so much for the advice. Along a similar vein I read a post here where someone kept a "Heartbreak" diary, and would look back on it and see how far she had come week by week. I mention it as it might help someone here too. As for people to talk to, it's amazing who you realise really does care about you. I have some very kind people to talk to when I need it.

sunsetheaven You mentioned grief in your post. I really am grieving for him. And yes, I do need to stop fighting it and just let the tears come and the down days be down.

LiteraryDevil definitely look back on the list, too, even if you feel OK. I didn't look at mine for a couple of da

Posted too soon

I didn't look at mine for a couple of days and found I really needed it regardless.

As for me, I have cried two nights in a row after a really good couple of days thinking I was fine. Yesterday it was because it would have been officially 5 months. Tonight it was because I was going through the photos on my phone to find something and I found the photo I took of us both together 2 days before the breakup. I compared it to a selfie I took today and I look so, so sad. He also said he was bringing my keys over and getting his stuff, so I was anticipating that all afternoon. He didn't even come.

Does anyone else find that their appetite is pretty much nonexistent? How do you force yourself to eat something? I had 3 slices of pizza last night, which is more than I have had in a week and a half, and managed half a cereal bar today. I shouldn't be able to survive on that but somehow I am!

yasmin0147 sorry, I forgot you. Thank you for your advice. Apparently we all love a good list to help get over things

for you op. I completely feel your pain. I am a month further on than you and it’s been so bloody hard. It’s a rollercoaster of emotions...which is so exhausting.

I asked for advice like you, and was told time is a healer. A month ago I couldn’t imagine ever feeling even ok again...but actually, it really is getting easier. I still love him and miss the good times we shared but know fundamentally, we weren’t right for each other.

Be kind to yourself, talk to people around you (I bottled it up initially which definitely made me feel worse) and remember your worth.

My friend sent me a meme that said...
A woman who knows what she brings to the table, is not afraid to eat alone. I love this...and say it to myself several times a day! Ha

and for everyone else who is going through this at the minute. It’s horendous!

I'm sorry you're going through this. When I left my ex I thought I was going to die, the pain in my chest was so bad. I had left him so you don't even get the sympathy because people think well if you really loved him you wouldn't have left. I'm sorry I can't give you any special advice, the only thing that helped really was time. It's 4 1/2 years later and there are still times I miss him, but in a bittersweet stinging way, not in a crushing way that makes you feel like you're being winded. I'm happy now and in a good place but there are still songs or memories that catch me out. I'd just say be patient with yourself, allow yourself your feelings, it will get easier I promise. It's grief so just honour it, and take good care of yourself

I think if you are writing lists you should be writing one about yourself, all the amazing things that make you special and what you have to offer someone.

You should also write a list of all the things you want in a partner. Things you feel you deserve, because after all, you are pretty amazing once you look at your first list :-)

Maybe writing lists about your ex helps you release your anger but you don't want to hold on to that feeling for too long. Spending too much time reflecting on the past stops you looking to the future.

The more you think about yourself, the less you will think about them.

For a while back in the noughties I was The Go To Break Up Girl around these parts. I had my heart broken so badly and in such spectacular fashion that they talked about it three stops on down the District Line from me.... it was dreadful and public and came after years and years of grinding, sweating slog to make the relationship work. So when people got dumped and felt a bit fragile friends of friends would say “Go and ask old Fell. She’s got stories to tell, terrible, humiliating stories” and I would scooch up on my bench in the Yates Wine Bar, offer the poor bastard in question a glass of Rosé and tell them my tale.

In the end it took me almost exactly half the length of the relationship to get over it. We met in ‘98, I got my heart smashed to smitherines in ‘06 and I was “over it” by ‘10. Eight years with him, four years to get over it. It was a fucking extreme case though and I think it could have been hastened on if I had a) sought therapy sooner b) drunk less c) had a clear and immediate focus.

In the end what helped me was throwing myself into my career, moving house from the place that reminded me of him, Prozac and this book www.amazon.co.uk/Its-Called-Break-Up-Because-Broken/dp/0007225180/ref=nodl_?tag=mumsnetforum-21. I was seriously sceptical about the book (and it may have aged horribly) but it really helped me. Also He’s Just Not That Into You by the same author I found to be useful.

I promise that you’re not as desperate a case as me- and you won’t have been more humiliated or broken by your beau- and 12yrs on I’m happily married with two lovely daughters and a successful and interesting career. If you’d asked me where I would be in 2018 back then I would honestly have said dead because I didn’t think there was any way I would be able to live my life without him. It seemed physically impossible.

Oh, and time. Time is like a clock in my heart, as a wise man once sang. and to you OP and anyone else going through this. It’s beyond shit. Chin up.

Averageguy1 I read an article that said remembering the positives too can help you to move on. I guess you know yourself that it wasn’t all bad, so trying to remind yourself of all the negatives won’t quite ring true. By acknowledging that you also had good times and were happy you can get a more authentic perspective on it and forgive yourself for accepting the bad stuff.