How hard have you worked to save a relationship?

[Askingforadvice300]

I've been with my husband for 15 years and married for 5 years. We're 30. I have had 6 months of counselling and anti depressants because I had a period of severe depression last year. Counselling has made me learn a huge amount about myself, including my need for perfectionism and getting things right. I am not happy with him because I feel like he is my brother and my friend, rather than a husband. He is a lovely person but I'm not excited when I think about our future. I felt I was not allowed to be unhappy with him which led to my illness I think.

I meant every word of my vows when I said them 5 years ago, but it is only now I realise how young I was, and that I feel trapped and unhappy. I realise also that this is a common phenomenon.

I am exhausted from 6 months of trying to change my mind set, of agonising over the pain and betrayal of breaking a promise. I have lots of friends, hobbies, a good job etc so I am fulfilled in other areas.

I don't know how to make a decision about what is best for both of us. I never thought I would get divorced, but the thought of 50 more years of this makes me feel like I am denying myself the opportunity to be the person I want to be.

How hard have you worked? Was it worth it?

Turned myself inside out trying, had all sorts of negative consequences.

After 7 months after a split. I finally get it. It just not going to work

Hi all,

I just wanted to thank each and every one of you who posted on this thread. I left him a couple of months ago, after months of counselling and couples counselling, and I feel a freedom and a peace I didn't know existed.

Your words brought me so much comfort and reassurance in a really dark time. Mumsnet helped me process and sound out my feelings and it was such an incredible place of support.

Thank you everyone x

I wasted a good 9 years!

Because we had DC I felt a responsibility to MAKE it work and I tried to lie to myself about how I felt.

I was also having counselling for myself when I managed to find the strength to leave - I was always guilty and worried about how DH would cope, as it was he met someone else a few months later and his behaviour since then has really shown me who he is, I think his behaviour really contributed to my depression, I just couldn’t see it at the time.

I’m not claiming it has been easy but I am so proud of myself for finding the strength to end it. I was single for a while but have recently fallen in love again, something that never thought would happen.

I wish I hadn’t wasted all that time trying to make it work though.

And have just seen your update after not reading all the way to the end 😂

Glad you have found peace and that it is going well