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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Husband texted an escort but did not meet her

29 replies

se8019 · 06/04/2018 21:19

I am new to this forum and this is the first time I am posting.

One week ago my husband gave his phone and asked me to text our landlord and when I was done sending the text a message was opened and it was a text he sent to an escort asking for the availability and price and nothing after that. I think he did not meet her. I did not ask him because I know he will lie that he has done that for his friends and not for him. We are married for 7 years and in this 7 years he lied about his online sex chatting with other women when I found and confronted him that it was his friends who was is using his email. Also he created a profile in social media to attract females. When I was pregnant with my DS of 5 year old he was texting with another woman until 2:30 in the night and when I confronted him he said she was just a friend and nothing else. One year ago also he almost started an affair with his female colleague and was chatting with her and he used to have his phone with him always and used to take it to the bathroom as well. I suspected that he was hiding something from me and he said that due to work pressure he did not know what he was doing and when I confronted he stopped chatting with her. I don’t know what to do now after finding out that he has texted an escort. Even if he did not meet the escort now is he going to do this again in future. Suggestions please. I am really confused what to do now.

OP posts:

halfwitpicker · 06/04/2018 21:19

LTB

sparklepops123 · 06/04/2018 21:25

Trust me once they’ve got history 🤨

KarmaStar · 06/04/2018 21:25

Op,
Hi,he is ,if he has not yet,going to cheat on you.
He lies.
You and your son do not need him in your life,you are better than this.
What you need to do is protect you and your son financially,physically and mentally.
I do not know your living or financial situation but you can contact women s aid to ask them for practical advice.

category12 · 06/04/2018 21:32

Why are you staying with this man who is continually unfaithful?

DamsonOnThisDress · 06/04/2018 21:33

I don't feel comfortable telling someone over the Internet to leave their partner but he has proven time and time again that he is continually looking and cannot be trusted. No one deserves to be treated this way. I am so sorry.

If you were considering separation but are overwhelmed with how to go about it I'm sure there are plenty here who would advise on any specific queries you had ams can support you through this. Unfortunately there's many who have been through this too.

The thought of splitting can feel enormous and terrifying but so so much less terrifying than being with someone you can't trust. That's a miserable existence.

Have you any idea at this stage what you might like to do?

Original poster

se8019 · 06/04/2018 21:53

I am totally confused what to do. When I think about separation, I really get scared thinking about it and at the same time I am finding it very hard to look at him and talk also. For Whatever he has done all these years I had forgiven him but what he has done now I don’t even feel like confronting him on texting an escort. He lied earlier all the times and I was convinced with whatever he said before. But I don’t trust him anymore when he started chatting with his female colleague and deleting all the messages to hide from me last year. I expected that he will stop doing all this after I confronted him on that but it’s the same again. I am thinking of leaving him but I get really scared thinking about separation. I am a working mother and I am sure I will be able to take care of my son.
Is there any possibility to save my marriage through counsel king. Is he going to change?

OP posts:

ButternutCrinkleFries · 06/04/2018 21:55

Escorts don’t generally reply to text and do everything over the phone. Too many time wasters text so she wouldn’t have responded. Can you check his call history to see if the number is there?

Katchit · 06/04/2018 21:59

No, he won't change. Sadly affairs and prostitutes are all too easy these days thanks to t'internet.

You only have one go on this planet. No dress rehearsal.

Original poster

se8019 · 06/04/2018 22:03

@butternutchickenfries I have checked his call history and there were two missed calls from that number and nothing other than that.

OP posts:

Josuk · 06/04/2018 22:05

OP - he has no reason to change, does he? He knows you don’t want to leave and will forgive again and again.
So it may be why he is so careless to leave tracks to be discovered. Most people would have been more careful.

You don’t have many choices, really.
You can leave and that’ll be hard, but you’ll get used to it.
Or you can try to not let it bother you. And just continue to turn a blind eye. Some people live like that and are OK.
You can talk to him about having an open relationship - so that the freedoms he is enjoying for himself are shared equally.

The option that you want - HIM changing - isn’t really available. People don’t change. They just learn to hide better.

Original poster

se8019 · 06/04/2018 22:06

Shenever I confront him he becomes furious and says that I am overreacting and I doubt him.

OP posts:

Original poster

se8019 · 06/04/2018 22:09

@Josuk you are right. He knows that I forgive him again and agin and last year I told him that I am giving a last chance but still he hasn’t changed.

OP posts:

CosmicCanary · 06/04/2018 22:12

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/698029-Right-listen-up-everybody

Read this.

Original poster

se8019 · 07/04/2018 11:45

I confronted him today and he said that it was his friends who texted from his phone. And when I called them they said the same that my husband did not do any mistake and when I asked why did they message from his Phani ne there was no answer from his friends. Can I believe what they are saying. Thanks for any suggestions

OP posts:

TM71 · 07/04/2018 12:10

Nope he is lying and his friends are covering for him. Who in their right mind is going to hand their phone over to their friend to text an escort.

Mammysin · 07/04/2018 12:12

What would you do if you weren't afraid?

HollowTalk · 07/04/2018 12:18

Come on, OP. Firstly why wasn't his friend's phone working? Secondly, who would use their friend's phone to contact a prostitute, ffs?

Gloryificus · 07/04/2018 12:21

Clearly your husband has great friends either they are lying on his behalf to fool you or your husband supports their lying of their own partners!!

Trust your gut what do you think is the truth you know deep down your husband isn't and hasn't been honest in past.
You can either continue to lie to yourself or stop giving multiple last chances.

category12 · 07/04/2018 12:27

Of course you can't believe him. He has a long history of cheating and lying about it. He shouts you down when challenged about it to make you shut up or blames friends who presumably expect the same support from him with their affairs.

As per a pp, you could decide it doesn't matter that he's unfaithful and choose to ignore it and stop trying to police him or you could leave him. Leaving him would be better for your self-esteem, confidence and happiness. There are loads of single parents who get by just fine. Life with him sounds crappy, apart from the constant infidelity, he sounds a bully.

DamsonOnThisDress · 07/04/2018 18:48

Oh OP, I'm sorry, I know you're scared so really want to believe him but, really, this is not remotely believable.

Even if he was telling you the truth on this occasion - and I don't believe he is for one minute - it doesn't matter. He's already shown over and over again he's on the look out, lies to you and shouts you down when you're hurt.

Someone who loves you would do everything to make it up to you and reassure you. He's a chancer, a liar and a bully.

You deserve to be loved and respected. Please see him for what he is. You are worth so much more than this. He's not a good person. As frightening as it feels now it doesn't have to be like this - you can be happy. Do you think he can make you happy?

Angelf1sh · 07/04/2018 19:07

Of course you’re scared but he’s not going to change. You need to decide if you can live with constantly wondering when the next time will be.

I’d definitely leave if I were you.

Original poster

se8019 · 07/04/2018 21:25

When I confronted him I told him if his friends accept that it was them who texted the escort and not my husband in front of their wives, I told I may believe and if this doesn’t happen I won’t trust you and I said I am going to leave. But he was worried that his friends married life will be ruined and he doesn’t want to do that. After I spoke to his friends he apologised his friends for causing the trouble but neither of his two friends apologised for sending text from his phone. All this proves to me that it’s a made up story and my husband was involved in texting the escort and he doesn’t even care whether I stay or leave him.

The texts sent to the escort contains the details of the availability, address, service and mentioned that it will be 2 persons who need the service. It was my husband and two of his fiends were on a day out that day when they did all this. Those two friends are now saying that it was them who did that and they have no answer when I ask why did they do it from my husband’s phone and not theirs.

All this proves that they are lying and it’s a made up story and am thinking to leave my husband now. Any suggestions please. Thanks for all those who have responded to my situation.

OP posts:

DamsonOnThisDress · 08/04/2018 00:35

I'm sorry you're going through this but you actually sound stronger than you did starting this thread. Good on you.

It's difficult advising on how to separate as we don't know your situation but a start would be to make an appointment with a solicitor to get legal advice so you have an idea of where you stand with regards finances, housing, etc.

Also confide in friends or family - take their help and support.

I'm sure if you have specific questions someone can help if you post them here - there's a lot of people who have been through this and are clued in.

Cleavergreene · 08/04/2018 00:48

Take his phone and contact a male escort using it. When your husband Bails you up hit him up with the fact that his phone seems to be lent out for the purpose of contacting escorts.....

But seriously, it doesn’t loook good. Who in there right mind lends out there phone to mates with the intent of organising hookers?.....no one. That’s who.

TwentySmackeroos · 08/04/2018 01:23

Sadly and gently, op, you must know this is no way to be treated.

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