New baby and boyfriend being a T**t

[PM2018]

Just looking for a bit of support/guidance/advice on my situation.
I gave birth to my son in January (he’s 3 months old now) and since he was born, my partner keeps going on massive nights out, getting absolutely smashed and rolling in at 2-3am. I have told him every time how much it upsets me as he’ll be at work all day and then just text me saying he’s going out for a drink after work and then I won’t see him all evening. This has happened about 7 times since I gave birth (which I think is a lot in 12 weeks!) and this last weekend was even worse.
On Friday I found out that on one of these nights out he’d kissed someone out in a bar (when our baby was only 9 weeks old!)He says it was just because he was drunk and meant nothing etc etc but he had text her a few times after.
Last Thursday night he’d been on another night out and he’d seen this girl again (she works with his friend) and then text her telling her where he was once he’d left. They didn’t meet up and then obviously I found out the next day but now every ounce of trust I had has gone out of the window.
He went to work on Saturday and was meant to come home after so we could talk about what had happened and save our relationship basically, but instead he went out to watch the boxing, ended up going to a club and then went to his cousins house and came home at 2pm the next day.
I’m at the end of the line with him to be honest- it’s so hard as when things are good we get on so well and have an amazing relationship, but his drinking and going out (and now what happened with this girl) have pushed me to the edge.
Today we’ve had another row because he’s now making comments about my weight, despite me only giving birth 12 weeks ago, and is saying that the other women on our baby courses were still exercising during pregnancy so why wasn’t I? He’s conveniently forgetting that I have had a back Injury for two years, and have just found out today that I have three discs popping out which is why I’ve been in so much pain for so long. I tried to discuss it with him and he’s just used it as an excuse to comment on my appearance.
I am obviously feeling extremely self conscious about how I look at the moment after pregnancy, but am I wrong to expect my partner to be aupportive of me whatever I look like?
I find this all so embarrassing to talk to anyone I know about it, so I pretend to my friends and family that I’m really happy and everything’s really good, but I seem to spend more and more time crying and am so fed up with it all.

This is one of those times on mumsnet where LTB actually applies to the thread
Hopefully you find someone new who respects you. DH won't go out at night unless he gives me notice for it so I can get extra sleep as baby is currently waking 4 times a night. I don't ask for this. He does it because he cares about mine and the babies welfare. Yours sounds like a selfish bastard

I know it is very easy for someone on the internet to say LTB. Especially with your confidence being low and wanting a father for you baby. It's difficult, I get it. But, if you put up with this, it will get worse. Your DS is too young to understand now but when he gets older he will think its ok to treat women like that. Tell someone in RL so you can get support to get rid of him.

He’s a cheat and very immature show him the door tell him he needs to step up because you haven’t got time for his nonsense, he can stay at a friends or something, it’s not fair on you dealing with this.

Holy. Fucking. Shit.

He did WHAT?!
He said WHAT?!

This is not normal. This is not acceptable. My twins are 18 months and my DH and I haven’t been out at all. We have no childcare options and would rather spend time with the kids then with each other rather than leave the other to deal with everything. I’d of course be happy if he wanted to go out once in a while and vice versa but it hasn’t come up.

How dare he speak to you about your body, especially when you’re injured? How dare he go out all night, and so often, or kiss someone else?

Get rid of him. Seriously. Your life will be easier without him. He’s pathetic. Next time he goes out, use that time to pack his stuff then text him to say it’s in the front garden and he better hurry before it’s nicked. Sounds like he’s got people he can’t stay with.

Very, very, bad behaviour from him.
Hopefully somehow you'll stay together but you'll never forget that he's let you down at a most vulnerable time.

He has to change his mindset .

He hasnt a accepted family life, still hankers after the single life.

It takes some people a long time to adjust to their new life.
He may settle down.
His expectations about your appearance are being fed by his nights out. He sees glammed up girls on a night out.looking their best..

When he's out he forgets his real life. Find out why he needs to do so.
How well do you know him?
Was your baby planned?
Does he spend money that's needed elsewhere?

This isn't about nights out. He is cheating on and putting down the mother of his child. I'm so sorry. You need to plan to end things.

Have my first ever LTB, OP. I'm so sorry, I have an 11 week old and would hate it if my DP did any of that, let alone all of it.

He's a MASSIVE CUNT. Bin him off immediately.

He's cheating and he's trying to make it your fault. Because you didn't immediately lose the baby weight and your muscles didn't ping straight back, he thinks he's entitled to go and shag a 'babe'.

What a twat.

You're already a single mum love. He's shown you clearly what he's made of and you can't change him. Kick him out and rally your support network around x

How can you say you have an "amazing relationship"?! He's an absolute cunt and you need well rid. Nothing amazing about the way he treats you and his kid.

The only one that is making this behaviour acceptable is you - by accepting it. It is utterly awful behaviour. Please don’t let it continue.

LEAVE
THE
BASTARD

I have a 6 week old baby and my partner has still been going for regular nights out at the pub since the birth till 11pmish. After stewing about it for a while, I sat him down and told him his behaviour is not normal for the father of a newborn and he needed to be at home with us every night. He confessed that he's been having trouble bonding with the baby and this has been his way of dealing with it, apologised and since then has changed his behaviour. When I started to read your thread, I assumed it was a similar situation.

Your partner sounds like a nasty piece of work with no respect for you. If I were in your situation, here wouldn't be any coming from this.

I know leaving him with a 3 month old baby isn’t easy but a life of worry about when he will come home and who he is with is not worth it! Then add in the insults to your body - how very dare he!! I feel like coming over and throwing him out for you. Do you have your family and friends support?

I suspect you are saying your relationship is amazing because you don't talk about his twattish behaviour when he is 'behaving' himself.

Do you want your child growing up modelling their future relationships on yours?

Please, tell your family and dump the fucking loser. You AND your baby deserve so much better.

I imagine he's saying about your weight etc so when he cheats (if he hasn't already) he'll blame you.

You really need to separate as hell destroy you ☹️

Hi OP, now that you have an overwhelming response can you go talk to someone, your mother? Friend? And tell them what is really happening and how badly you are being treated. You need support. Do not be embarrassed.

So at the point in your relationship when you’re the most vunerable you’ve been (physically and emotionally) instead of supporting you and being a decent partner he’s seeing this as his opportunity to go out on the piss and get off with other women - all the while telling you at 12 weeks post partum that you need to lose weight?! He sounds like a nasty little fucker who knows how vulnerable you’re feeling and is counting on you putting up with his shit because you’re scared of going it alone - don’t be. There are countless single parents out there doing a stand up job of raising their children, and if they can, if I can, then so can you.

Leave him quick, he'll only leave you as soon as someone else gives him enough attention

My first ever LTB, you and your baby deserve so much more!

Bin him. He’s a fucking disgrace. Ugh I’m so sorry. Congratulations on your new arrival

Totally what Daisy said. This is the time when he should be giving you the most support, instead he’s being a massive selfish arsehole. Please confide in your family. You have nothing to be embarrassed about and he has everything to be ashamed of.

I don’t know whether to feel sad or angry for you, I feel a combination of the two. He is a cunt of the highest order and you really, really need to do both you and your baby a favour and leave the bastard. He has cheated on you, degraded and berated you. You have no real reason to stay. Please leave.

So basically he doesn’t want to spend time with you or your dc and thinks he’s still young, free and single and a complete wanker? Hmm, m’okay, then.

I think the main thing to think about is what you’re getting out of this relationship. Is there anything worth keeping him around for? Given his insults and constant socialising and now kissing some random girl, I’m not seeing why he’s such a prize.