Dates dodgy past.

[frankenburger]

I've been on a second date with a smiley, intelligent and cute guy. He's really fun and easy to talk to.
However, when he was 25 (36 now) he had an unplanned child with a partner. It didn't work out and shortly after he was offered his dream job abroad. So he left. He was ashamed when he told me and has moved back closer now but... would you judge against him for this?

Your bridge is over there, Andre ----------->

Oh I can imagine there are women silly enough to think getting pregnant will trap a man. We see those sort of threads here often enough. But it doesn't work, that's why we read about it! We are not likely to stumble upon many women admitting to this when their 'plan' has worked.

But Andre there is not enough information here for us to draw conclusions, this includes your conclusions too.

If many women do go about thinking unplanned pregnancy traps men, ought men to be a little more circumspect and stick something over it, or even avoid having sex with women they might otherwise not want a relationship with!

Because it's more likely, and evidence suggests that men find elaborate ways of trying to fool women. There are far more women here asking "why does he not want a relationship with me but wants to fuck me" and "at the start it was roses and romance now it's sex and see you later"

I would suggest far more women are duped than men.

Nope.

Nope nope nope

I don't care WHY or HOW she got pregannt with his baby, the fact is, she did. He had a baby that he did at least start contact with. and then he abandoned it. Immaturity is only an excuse for children, 25 year old men do not get to claim immaturity when the real reason is selfishness.

DO you want to date a truly selfish man?

How does a woman "trick" a man into fathering a child; if he's got a brain and doesn't actively want to become a parent he could just wear a condom and know for sure that he's done what he could to prevent that outcome. This whole "women trick men into having babies" agenda of yours is bullshit, to be honest Andre, and makes you sound a bit of a twat.

OP I met a man who'd done the same. We had a baby a few years later, he walked away (after cheating, several times) so am probably biased. But walking away from a child in that way can signify all kinds of things; primarily for me that their own wants and needs take precedent over the child they've created. I have very little respect for anyone who chooses that path regardless of the "trickery" involved.

My ex does this but he gets by by pretending he doesn't actually have children. When in reality he has 5 one with one woman and 4 with me. He claims in tricked him (4 times?) and now has no contact. So in a way atleast this guy was honest as my ex
Like I said doesn't tell anyone he has kids

In this case, women are assumed not to be equal apriori on account of economic inequalities coupled with their biology. That should be challenged.

I don't think anyone would disagree with that the fact that women's careers and earning capacity are disproportionately affected by maternity leaves and the fact that childcare disproportionately falls upon them needs to be rectified.

Seriously though, its been 2 dates! Dodge the fucking bullet op

Hmm. Not enough info. He may have come back often to see the child. Child may have seen him as often as if he'd been living in the next town. He may have skyped every night and paid over the odds in child support. I know of someone who lives in a different country to his kids, and even his ex says he's a fantastic father.

He walked away from his child! Any man that can do that is someone I couldn't involve myself with.

Doesn't really matter how it happened.
He formed a relationship with this child so he was a father! He didn't walk away while pregnant ect ect..

He ultimately choose his career and self over his child. Top and bottom!

If he was doing all that, Pidlan, I'm doubting he would claim to feel ashamed.

Maybe you're right category but many people do feel ashamed and guilty when they leave unhappy relationships where there are children involved.

He didn't just make the choice at 25. He made it at 25, 26, 27, 28... hardly a young man any more.

Did he provide emotional, financial and practical support to his child? And if he didn't, is he not just doing that now, but making up for the loss?

Words are cheap.

I would only continue if I were certain I would never have children with this man.

It would definitely make me think things. He was 25, not 16. It depends on the factors you are thinking about asking him. Did he still see the child? Was the contact good or was it the mother chasing him for contact? Did he pay maintenance? Send birthday/Christmas presents? If any of those wires thins were no then I'd probably walk away.

I once went on a date with a guy who admitted he had a daughter, left her as he didn't like the mother and hasn't made contact with her since. His words were 'she's fine without me and I am without her'. He was a nice enough guy and I wasn't planning more dcs but I just looked at him and thought 'you are one massive d**khead'.

I don't think what he did is good but it depends on what he has done about it since