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Original poster

Panicking big style - help calm me down

48 replies

Metrobaby · 05/08/2004 15:25

Its ds' christening on Sunday. However last night I found out that we will have to put up an additional 8 adults and 1 child from DH's family for 2 nights. This will mean I will have to cook 2 lunches and breakfasts, and 1 dinner for 12 and I am really panicking - all this on top of preparing the christening buffet for 35 too!

Sleeping arrangements are causing a problem too. DH wants to avoid them all sleeping on the floor and is reluctant to ask them to bring sleeping bags. He wants each family to have their own room which means that DH, dd, ds and I will have to move out and stay at my Mums. I really don't want to do this as it so inconvienant but do you think I am being a bit mean??

OP posts:
mummytosteven · 05/08/2004 15:27

Not at all - why can't they stay with family relatives or even stay at a hotel? Or even at your mums. Also the cooking isn't on. Can't breakfast be continental style, dinner be at a restaurant, and maybe lunch plates of sandwiches/salads bought in from M & S?

aloha · 05/08/2004 15:35

Erm, so he wants you to move out of your own home, but come back to act as caterer for his presumably compos mentis and able bodied rellies...? Nooo, that definitely isn't right. Are they very poor? Can't they afford to stay in a b&b? 8 adults is a hell of a lot IMO. Personally I wouldn't move out of my house. He's sprung this on you very late indeed, which is unreasonable IMO. Are they very close relatives? Could a couple of them stay at your mum's (your poor mum!)? How big is your house? Wherever they stay they should be pitching in with cooking etc.

Kayleigh · 05/08/2004 15:36

If you have to move out of your home then I think this is totally unacceptable. You have 2 children to consider. At least half these people really should find alternative accomodation. When a few of my in-laws come down together they stay in a local b&b and are quite happy to do so. I think this is a bit OTT.

Original poster
Metrobaby · 05/08/2004 15:39

Unfortunately we are the only family they can stay with. I don't think they want to pay for a hotel, and my Mum wouldn't be comfortable with having them as houseguests. Restaurant would be a fab idea but DH would feel he'd have to pay and that would be very expensive - not a luxury we can do as I am on unpaid mat leave.

OP posts:
marialuisa · 05/08/2004 15:43

Metrobaby, no wise suggestions, but this is ridiculous! Why on earth would they assume that you can accomodate that number of people? I'd definitely steer clear of catering for that lot too, if they expect free accommodation the least they can do is buy you dinner!

Momof2 · 05/08/2004 15:45

MB, could you not just move out of your room and you and DH sleep in with your children (maybe you have to sleep on the floor). Would his family really be comfortable asking you to move out of your own home to accomodate them (assuming you have a small baby)
Can some of them come for 1 night only?
And would it be possible that instead of you having to do all the catering on your own you maybe now have 8 extra pairs of hands to assist?
Dinner for 12 - get the men to all go down to the chippie and they can all order their own or get in pizza?

Momof2 · 05/08/2004 15:46

meant to say (I am assuming you have a small baby)

aloha · 05/08/2004 15:47

Well, I can quite see that they don't want to pay for a hotel or B&B, but then you don't want to move out of your own home. So whose needs are more important? I would feel ashamed at being so mean that I would prefer to turf a mother, and her children, including a small baby, out of her home rather than fork out a few quid for a b&b. It is totally crazy if your dh thinks they are going to stay in your home and you are going in as a daily skivvy to provide all their meals. It's madness! I think you have to say this isn't on. I wouldn't hesitate for a second!

aloha · 05/08/2004 15:48

Who are all these people anyway! And how far are they travelling.

Original poster
Metrobaby · 05/08/2004 15:48

Yes they are close relatives - DH's brothers, and my beloved in-laws! We have 3 useable bedrooms (other one is a v small). As it is I am annoyed that if I did stay in my own house we would have to share our bed with dd. Plus ds still gets up during the night too.

DH would not dream of asking any members of his family to stay in a B&B either. I tried asking if they could possibly arrive Sat late afternoon to buy me some time and avoid cooking for 1 lunch but DH said MIL wanted to come early to avoid traffic. Argggghhh.

OP posts:
Momof2 · 05/08/2004 15:49

How well do you get on with your neighbours? Do they have a spare room that they would let one family use? Some times we stay with my mums next door neighbour as her house is too small to accomodate us (but we eat all meals at Mums).

aloha · 05/08/2004 15:50

Look, presumably these brothers have wives? Do they realise your dh is planning to move you out, yet have you pop back to do all the cooking (that's nice and considerate of him, I don't think!)? Are they comfortable with this? If so, then I don't think they are very nice people tbh.

Original poster
Metrobaby · 05/08/2004 15:51

aloha DH's family come from manchester so would really need overnight accomodation as we're over in Surrey.

OP posts:
aloha · 05/08/2004 15:51

I think you need to make it clear to your dh that this gives you far too much work.

Momof2 · 05/08/2004 15:53

Think I would call MIL and say that you need to make a plan of action with her - baby watching/entertaining rota so that you can prepare all the food etc, presume bros are with wives so they can go on the list to help prepare the food - men can go on the cleaning rota to get house and garden prepared. Plan with MIL then she can lord it over them and get it all organised.
Fancy them thinking you are going to do all this work and only telling you 2 days before hand. (where are you? I'm free this weekend to come and help!)

aloha · 05/08/2004 15:53

Two nights is OTT though for all of them. Maybe the PILs, but the others will have to go home after one night. It's only a couple of hours on the train after all. It's not like they are coming from Australia.

aloha · 05/08/2004 15:54

MIL & FIL can have lunch in the pub, or eat a takeway or M&S sandwichs, or better still, cook YOU lunch!

Northerner · 05/08/2004 15:55

Oh my god Metrobaby. Well I would refuse to move out of my home - if they want to stay they should make do with camp beds/floor etc and all muck in with meals.

Madness!

Momof2 · 05/08/2004 15:55

THis might sound a bit flippant - but can you park a caravan on your drive/road and do any of them have one they could bring down? Failing that a tent?

aloha · 05/08/2004 15:56

And you may have me down as some ranting feminist, but I would be astonished to be told by my MIL that I was down on a cooking rota but my husband wasn't!!!

Kayleigh · 05/08/2004 15:57

what if he had another 2 or 3 siblings???? Where would they expect to sleep??? Ridiculous. I can't believe that your dh would make you and the kids move out rather than let his family pay for accomodation.

Momof2 · 05/08/2004 15:58

I knew it was awful when I wrote it Many apologies!

Blu · 05/08/2004 15:58

Are you doing the buffet preparations in the house, Metrobaby? I honestly can't envisage fitting a w/e's catering for that number in a domestic kitchen alongside buffet catering.

I think your DH needs to 'get real' and compromise. I am sure family will understand if they have to bring sleeping bags and kip on the floor. And surely the brothers and their partners can be sent to the pub to buy their own pub lunches? Tell you DH that you must be able to physically and practically do the catering for the Christening, and alsdo that it's very very important that YOU enjoy the day and the w/e.
Takeaway? And surely all these family members would expect to share the bill for a takeaway, pub lunch or restaurant? Unless you have been exaggerating your lavish lifestyle to make them jealous!!!

Tent in garden?

Goodwill and feeling hospitable is one thing, trying to accommodate and feed 13 people and a major catering event in a 3 bed house is another!

motherinferior · 05/08/2004 15:59

Hang on, why can't DH and his brothers do the cooking???

There is a possible advantage here - you go and have a couple of days staying with your mum, and they sort out their food for themselves. No way no WAY should you be cooking for them at this short notice at all - but argue that it's because you're at your Mum's. I'm quite serious. They can get a takeaway.

Original poster
Metrobaby · 05/08/2004 16:08

So you don't think it would be rude to expect them to share the bill of a takeaway??

Unfortuanately the whole family are planning to travel together and share cars.

I'm sure the wives of DH's brothers will help muck in with cleaning and food prep leaving all the men to watch TV and drink beer ! And yes I will be doing all the catering in my tiny kitchen.

OP posts:
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