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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Just broken up with DP

28 replies

MollyHopps · 03/04/2018 16:34

Long story short I was fed up with being in the firing line for his bad moods, and told him so. He said he wasn't sure if he wanted to be with me or not and had a decision to make.

In the end it took the decision out of his hands and told him it was humiliating waiting around to see if he wanted to be with me when I knew i definitely wanted to be with him.

Feel a bit heartbroken, although it's only been 4-5 months, and that I have cut off my nose to spite my face.

Have I done the right thing? And if so can I have a handhold? I don't feel very strong at the moment.

OP posts:
QuiteLikely5 · 03/04/2018 16:36

I think you have dodged a bullet.

BubblesAndSquarks · 03/04/2018 16:37

If the relationship had only been 4-5 months and already having issues then you've definitely done the right thing

Better to have ended it now rather than wasting more time on it and having a harder break up further down the line Flowers

TheFaerieQueene · 03/04/2018 16:38

You have most definitely done the right thing. You should be in the honeymoon stage of your relationship, not dealing with a moody fucker.

RatherBeRiding · 03/04/2018 16:38

Of course you've done the right thing. He was moody, took it out on you, and wasn't sure if he cared enough about you to be with you?!

Definitely dodged a bullet. And good on you for making the first move.

HongKongPhooeyNo1Superstar · 03/04/2018 16:38

Yep you did right. He sounds like a moody loser. Bin.

Pickleypickles · 03/04/2018 16:39

Youve done the right thing. You are right you are worth more than hanging around waiting to see if you are wanted or not. I know personally i want to be with a man who doesnt have to think about the answer when asked if he wants to be with me.

Bluebelle38 · 03/04/2018 16:39

You did the right thing. It hurts yes, but you will be ok. Take off the rose-tinted glasses. He wasn't as great as you remember.

Purplerain101 · 03/04/2018 16:39

I’ve been in this situation before. It’s horrible when you really want to be with someone but they blow hot and cold. The fact he even had to take time to consider if he wanted to be with you or not shows he wasn’t the one for you. I’m sure you must be feeling devastated, but just think how shit you would have felt much further down the line being treated like that day in day out.

Orchidflower1 · 03/04/2018 16:39

I’m sorry you’re feeling sad. If things were this hard in what is supposed to be the honey moon period, mabe it’s for the best. It will be interesting for you to see his reaction over the next few days/ weeks .

ClemDanfango · 03/04/2018 16:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
MollyHopps · 03/04/2018 17:27

Thank you all. There is so much more to it and a lot more has gone on, what said in my OP only scratches the surface. I don't even think there has been a honeymoon stage, thinking about it. I kept waiting for it to happen

I know in my heart that this is for the best and what you are all saying is true. Pickley your post especially has highlighted that it shouldn't be this way and that he should know one way or the other.

Rather thank you, ironically it took some contemplation before I did it. But then the thought of waiting around for him to decide whether I am worthy or not felt incredibly degrading and my self respect kicked in.

I don't even think he understands that, given his reply - "You broke up with me, end of. We don't need to talk anymore" Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
MollyHopps · 03/04/2018 20:14

Having a bit of a weak moment tonight. It's hard not to want to text him and take it all back. I need help clinging to the last few shreds of dignity I have left Sad

OP posts:
MyRelationshipIsWeird · 03/04/2018 20:17

Post on here instead. I know how hard it is but each day will get easier Flowers

Orchidflower1 · 03/04/2018 21:04

Try and distract yourself with something. If you really want to text set yourself the goal of not doing it until 6pm/ after work tomorrow. You may feel differently by then ; the urge to text may have gone and your emotions may have settled. Left over Easter egg and hot chocolate called for now. Then go to bed- you can’t text if you’re asleep!

PoorYorick · 03/04/2018 22:27

Of course you've done the right thing. You may love him but nobody was ever happy being with someone who didn't want to be there.

Original poster
MollyHopps · 04/04/2018 09:06

Orchidflower Thank you, you were right, I couldn't text while sleeping!

I made it through the night, no thanks to some horrible dreams about begging him to get back together with me Sad

Feeling OK today. Having a day out with DS, just us two, so that will keep me nice and distracted.

OP posts:
ShatnersWig · 04/04/2018 09:16

What on earth makes someone "definitely want to be with" someone who continually puts them in the firing line of their bad moods, especially when they've only been seeing them for four months? I honestly, genuinely don't understand it.

Bullet dodged. Don't have any doubts about that, OP.

debbs77 · 04/04/2018 11:01

Please do yourself a favour and literally BLOCK AND DELETE his number. He has made his position very clear.

I had a saying when dating..... people got one chance with me and if they blew it then it was , BLOCK, DELETE, MOVE ON

Original poster
MollyHopps · 04/04/2018 11:20

ShatnersWig You are right. I have no idea what makes me want to be with him (or wanted to, at least) but I think this thread has opened my eyes to it. It's harder to see from the inside so you lot putting it into perspective for me is helping.

debbs I don't think I even need to go that far. He isn't harassing me. I also have a few of his belongings at my house so he needs to be able to contact me to get them back. The sooner the better.

Right, best get ready to go out for lunch and stop dwelling. I know one day he isn't going to be on my mind so much. I just wish it was today.

OP posts:
Isetan · 04/04/2018 11:48

Don't wait around for him to contact you, tell him you need his stuff gone within the next few days. Christ! The amount of shit we expose ourselves to, just to be in a couple never ceases to amaze me.

Orchidflower1 · 04/04/2018 11:57

Have a nice day with your ds OP. Re collection of stuff could you text and say stuff in a bag on step/ porch etc I’m at park with ds please collect before 4pm or something like that then there’s no temptation to chat/ listen to excuses on collection of stuff.

debbs77 · 04/04/2018 14:11

The block and delete is so that YOU don't contact HIM!

Original poster
MollyHopps · 04/04/2018 14:50

OK. I am out all day tomorrow - or I will make sure I am. I'll put his stuff in the garage and tell him to collect it from there (nothing worth nicking so I can leave it unlocked).

Orchid He would probably just come and go anyway, but I still don't want to see him. I don't trust myself not to beg him to take me back, even though I know this is all for the best.

Thinking back on it, I wonder if he had any serious intention of breaking up with me and was calling my bluff. He did say he was surprised. He probably didn't expect my self worth to prevail.

And i'm sitting here crying again. What is wrong with me. It was only 5 months, not even that.

OP posts:
Orchidflower1 · 04/04/2018 20:05

You’re entitled to feel sad OP- you invested time , energy and emotions into a relationship. It’s a shame he didn’t!

username7979 · 04/04/2018 20:55

MollyHopps you put all your heart in this relationship. he did not reciprocate and had not intention to do so, he just enjoyed certain perks...
It's tough but you were spot on and very brave.