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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

How many of you have....

38 replies

user1467480231 · 03/04/2018 15:42

Changed your surname after divorce, or kept your married name so that it's the same as the children's.

OP posts:

GoddessInTraining · 03/04/2018 15:54

I will keep my married name after the divorce goes through but will probably change back to my maiden name once my children are older.

I would prefer to change it now but my youngest has mentioned previously that she likes us all having the same name. I figure my two DC have been through enough, I can live with having their surname if it makes them happy.

ItStartedWithAKiss241 · 03/04/2018 15:55

I kept my surname to match my children. It’s still mine as far as I am concerned. It’s the name I gave my children too... x

DairyisClosed · 03/04/2018 16:00

Not me but my mother kept her married name because she couldn't be bothered changing all her documents.

Redboxonwheels · 03/04/2018 16:05

Same reason as Dairy except it was my aunt.

She got married many years later when my cousins were teenagers and that’s when she took on her new married name because her passport was due to expire and she needed to update her driving licence too.

lozzalou93 · 03/04/2018 16:06

I would do what you want to do, not what the children want. They’re more resilient than given credit for, plus if you have a daughter and she marries, presumably her name will change? When they are adults they will not care at all. It’s just a name. They’re always your children. Do what you feel is right for you. For some women it really helps them get their identity back, this may or may not apply to you but definitely do what you feel is best

Ryder63 · 03/04/2018 16:26

I kept my married name after divorce because it's better than my original one!

llmb · 03/04/2018 16:29

I reverted to my maiden name straight away. I did want to keep same name as the dc but I wanted more to be rid of his name as he was abusive. Dc are no contact with him and have both decided to change to my surname so we are the same, just not legally until they can change themselves

cakecakecheese · 03/04/2018 16:44

I've kept mine as it's my name now and it would be weird going back to my old surname. I hope it'll be replaced by a new surname eventually anyway!

Dontsayyouloveme · 03/04/2018 16:47

Straight back to my maiden name. Never really wanted to take his, and certainly don’t want to keep it now. My child isn’t phased I don’t have the same surname as then!

user1470296287 · 03/04/2018 17:00

I’m separated have been for 2 years but reverted back to my maiden name 5 months after the split. Couldn’t bear the reminder of him and I didn’t feel married anymore.

My maiden name is who I am what I was when I was happier.

A good liberating choice for me

category12 · 03/04/2018 17:15

Kept his name as it's my kids' name and it's better than my maiden name. It's me and the kids' name, I don't think of it as his as such - we're us and he's him.

needanivoftea · 03/04/2018 17:34

I changed back to my maiden name and had my DD's changed by deed poll to be double barreled, had to get his agreement though but he was fine about it

Lulusmother · 03/04/2018 19:17

I got divorced in 2001, and reverted to my maiden name last October. My sons are now in their twenties and their father has remarried therefore I didn't wish to be the former Mrs ex anymore. After borrowing that name for 25 years, I'm absolutely loving going back to my maiden name !

TM71 · 03/04/2018 19:20

I went back to my maiden name as I am no longer Mrs so and so, no need to hang onto the past.

Horses4 · 03/04/2018 19:22

I kept mine because my dad is a twat, and on balance I like my ex-husband better than him. And it matches my kids.

Jellyheadbang · 03/04/2018 19:28

KEPT MY married name (scuse caps!)
My little girl was upset about me reverting to my maiden name, I thought it isn’t such a biggie in the scheme of things for me, it’s just a name!
Although... my ‘maiden’ name is beautiful and exotic so I use it on all social media!

operaha · 03/04/2018 19:41

I double barreled my kids for this exact reason, in case we divorced (yeah I know). Changed straight back to maiden name as couldn't bear his.

Kids use both. I've since remarried but have kept maiden name as want same name as my kids, not new husband's kids.

We're not going to have children but they would be double barreled if we did.

Oneapenny · 03/04/2018 20:01

Went straight back to my name and that was important to me and my identity. He had a big family and I didn’t want to be associated with them any more.

It has never made any difference that I have a different name from my children now.

AForest · 03/04/2018 20:02

I can't wait to go back to my maiden name, it will be so liberating.

MegFlyAway2 · 03/04/2018 20:18

I much prefer my married name so going to keep it. Don't have kids. My maiden name is my "Dad's" name and I went NC with him over 15 years ago so I'd hate to go back to that.

Pompom42 · 03/04/2018 20:23

I really want to go back to maiden name but will probably keep married name until they are older then change it then.
I did love my maiden name and even though I was married 16 years I always thought of myself as maiden name

HipsterAssassin · 03/04/2018 21:33

Changed back to maiden name after approx
2 years and before the divorce came through. The woman at the post office checking my passport application nearly went into melt-down, telling me in front of a busy post office that I couldn’t do it until I was divorced ‘oh yes I can, post office lady’
Haha!

I didn’t make a big deal if it, the kids just started seeing post come through the letter box in my maiden name and were fine. dd1 briefly asked if she could but I told her it wouldn’t go down too well with her DF and she’s never asked since.

Been stopped and questioned when with dc by border officials on numerous occasions though!

dvorak · 03/04/2018 21:37

I immediately reverted to my maiden name. I've since remarried and kept maiden name. So I have 3 kids with 2 different surnames between them - and neither surname is the same as mine. None of my kids is phased by this. Way I see it - we all have our own dad's surname.
(Mind you, travelling abroad as a family - five people with three different surnames - takes some explaining at passport check).

Scornedwoman67 · 03/04/2018 22:33

I've kept a combination of both. Passport & official stuff still in married name because of dc's but social media & business reverted to maiden name. The double-barrelled option would have been far too much of a mouthful 😀

cosytoaster · 03/04/2018 22:54

I immediately went back to my maiden name, it felt like the right thing to do. It's never been a problem that the dc still have his name.

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