If your dp cheated on you, but you worked on it and were still together, did he do it again or not?

[FritzDonovan]

Not a taat, but triggered by one!

Way back dp tried to cheat at a work conference. Not sure how far it went, he said he thought better of it and didn't (but who knows?). Got over, married with DC now. He's away a lot, was a bit 'detached' (his words) while last away, and had a friendship with a female colleague which included texting her to see if she was up for a drink (just the two of them). I wasn't best pleased, it coincided with some lies about his porn viewing etc, but no blatant evidence of any dodgy encounters (that I know of). However, the trust is again a little shaky.

Reading the other thread, there seems to be quite a few incidences of ppl forgiving a cheat, only for them to do it again further down the line.

Dh is away yet again, can anyone reassure me that 'once a cheat' does not always mean 'always a cheat'? Or is that most ppls experience?

How old was he? I'm thinking over 18 and quite possibly over 21 - in which case that's justifying bullshit!

My dds 17 and even her and her friends have strong boundaries on this stuff.

DH cheated on me just before we got married. He feels the guilt constantly for it & I feel that's partly the cause of his now mental health issues. However, do I think he'll do it again? I don't know. It seems people who cheat once tend to again. I'm yet to discover whether that's true or not.

FD, I remember your thread. I'm glad you were able to forgive and trust enough to marry. I hope he's not up to no good.

I'm two years since and today have only thought about it once. That's huge for me. He'd better not do it again or he will pay.

Some people make a shitty decision for numerous reasons and never do it again, others cheat again. You just have to have faith if you stay.

As an aside, I know someone who cheated on his then girlfriend, had an affair after he'd married her and would have cheated with an ex if she had obliged. Sounds stupid but I get it with him and why he did and while awful for his wife, I get it. I guess I understand why.

graphista yes, must have been at least 23/24 I think, without sitting down and working it out. Was fine at uni, then he went back home for a few years as it was near his postgraduate place. We started living together after that, which is when it happened. So old enough to know better, but now I'm wondering if those few years away from me (few visits) gave him a different mindset which he wanted to continue when we started living together.

'yearofyou* thx. Me too. The ramifications of finding out your dp cheated are never ended. Always questioning. But I'd truly not given it a thought for years. Maybe that's why I was so affected this time when his behaviour was looking dodgy. Why is it understandable your friend cheated? Was it to do with him or his DW? Cause now I'm thinking that's the next excuse lined up... I'm making life difficult so...

coconut continued good luck... I'll keep my fingers crossed for both of us

@FritzDonovan I have tried to send you a PM, but am on holiday and have really rubbish internet. I will try again later, or tomorrow. I will be home on Sunday late otherwise and will contact you then at the latest.

Thx positive, I've just read it, and fwiw, I agree with you. Enjoy the rest of your holiday!

FD , I'll PM you.