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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband asked for a separation letter. What is he talking about?

38 replies

LucyMorningStar · 02/04/2018 11:31

My husband and I are getting the separation wheels rolling (or so I hope). He is unemployed with no savings and nowhere to stay at, hence we're still under the same roof.
He told me the other day I need to produce a letter confirming he can't live here anymore but didn't say more that that. I'm reluctant to ask him to be more specific as he'll just get arsey and unpleasant. I presume he needs the letter in order to get council housing or something? Anyone has any clues as to what I am supposed to write? I would Google it but then I'm not sure what I am Googling.
Background to preempt likely questions - private tenancy, I am in FT employment and bear all financial responsibility, one (our) 7 yo child + one (his) 15 yo child who stays with us 4/7 nights per week .

OP posts:
Original poster
LucyMorningStar · 02/04/2018 11:40

Another question - what do I need to do in terms of tenancy if he's moving out? Do I need to let landlord know? Husband's name is on the agreement as well as mine.

OP posts:
GeorgeTheHippo · 02/04/2018 11:41

He's likely to need something for the DWP to say he isn't in a couple and should be treated as a single claimant.

MrsSnitch · 02/04/2018 11:43

He is thinking that if you make him “homeless” he can go to Council for accommodation.

However this only works if the tenancy is in your name only. If in joint names he is on more difficult grounds as he may be deemed to have relinquished his housing voluntarily so not eligible to be deemed “homeless”. No matter if you pay the rent if the actual tenancy is in both names.

If he does move out what happens to his teenager? Will your landlord transfer the tenancy to your name alone (if currently joint?). Assuming he is accepted as “homeless” will your husband actually qualify for local housing?

You and he should separately get advice at CAB (preferably separate offices to avoid conflict of interest)

MrsSnitch · 02/04/2018 11:44

Cross post re joint tenancy. You do need to get detailed advice at CAB

Original poster
LucyMorningStar · 02/04/2018 11:57

@MrsSnitch is transferring tenancy a thing? As in is that what happens when one tenant moves out?

OP posts:
Original poster
LucyMorningStar · 02/04/2018 11:59

The teenager will see his dad at where-ever he moves to I presume.

OP posts:
colditz · 02/04/2018 12:03

A fifteen year old child who stays 4 nights out of 7 actually lives there.

So he needs the letter from you to claim homelessness help for both himself and his 15 year old son.

Original poster
LucyMorningStar · 02/04/2018 12:08

@colditz officially the teenager lives with his mum as she gets child benefit for him

OP posts:
GreenTulips · 02/04/2018 12:11

HE can't claim rent whilst living under your roof - make sure he pays it to you or the landlord

You can also claim of you meet the criteria

GreenTulips · 02/04/2018 12:12

*can

Original poster
LucyMorningStar · 02/04/2018 12:21

@GreenTulips unfortunately he can't be trusted with paying anything. Also I wouldn't want him to live here much longer

OP posts:
MrsSnitch · 02/04/2018 12:28

Yes you can ask landlord to put the tenancy in one name only. However the LL would be entitled to do credit checks etc to make sure the remaining tenant can afford the rent (which in OP’s case doesn’t appear a problem). Once off the tenancy the OP can “evict” husband.

The teenager in the household does cause complications, but might benefit husband if he is seeking housing as a single parent.

Also if living under one roof husband needs to make sure he is seen as not sharing the household if he wants to claim benefits as a single person. This means literally separate shelves in the fridge, not sitting together watching telly in the evening, not mixing laundry etc.

Cricrichan · 02/04/2018 12:33

If you're married and he has no means, won't you have to pay spousal maintenance? The best thing is to speak to a solicitor.

Original poster
LucyMorningStar · 02/04/2018 12:33

@MrsSnitch regarding the teenager, my husband doesn't have legal parental responsibility over his son and also the boy's mother gets child benefit for him. Can H still be seen as a single parent?

OP posts:
MrsSnitch · 02/04/2018 12:38

So husband not on birth certificate? Was he married to mother when son born?

As I say, the teenager complicates things. If H moves out would he take son with him? What does son say, clearly he doesn’t live ful time with Mum which might indicate issues going on there.

Your housing situation is only the first thing you need to worry about. You need advice about your rights and obligations regarding ending the marriage, the CAB is a good free first step in that process.

colditz · 02/04/2018 12:41

PR is incredibly easy to get if you have any contact with your child at all, regardless of whether or not you're on the birth certificate.

And the fact is, the child stays with him 4 nights a week - why? If he doesn't have PR and doesn't get any benefit for the child, why is the child avoiding home?

Original poster
LucyMorningStar · 02/04/2018 12:43

@Cricrichan spousal maintenance hasn't even occurred to me! It's bad enough I had to support family of 4 on my own on just above min wage... Can I really be forced to support him even after separation?

OP posts:
Original poster
LucyMorningStar · 02/04/2018 12:44

@MrsSnitch thank you for useful links

OP posts:
Cricrichan · 02/04/2018 12:47

I don't know that's why you should see a solicitor. You get 30 minutes free so they'll.be able to give you a good idea about rights and responsibilities then.

Also go to cab to find out what you'll be entitled to and he should do the same.

Original poster
LucyMorningStar · 02/04/2018 12:48

@Colditz teenager and his mum don't have the smoothest of relationships. There's no neglect or abuse, their personalities just clash. Plus DSS loves his sister so likes to be here with her. Tbh he's not crazy abouy his dad either.
I would welcome him in my home even after separation from his dad as I've been around since he was 3 and I really care about him.

OP posts:
ReanimatedSGB · 02/04/2018 12:55

Definitely get some legal advice. It sounds like you're getting this man out because he's a lazy cocklodging parasite, so it would be worth making sure that, while you want to be fair to both him and your DSS, you don't let him mislead you in his own interests.

SandyY2K · 02/04/2018 12:58

Yes...you may have to pay spousal support to him. It would be the same if he was the breadwinner and you were splitting up.

It's designed to protect the lower earner...who has traditionally been women...because women were leaving marriages impoverished.

Would he be deemed the primary carer of your joint DC?

SpringNowPlease2018 · 02/04/2018 13:00

you say you supported a family of 4

so you, him, your DC and his DC?

but his DC is registered as living with their Mum so legally can you be asked to take that on?

Sorry to say it but you might have to fork out for a solicitor. If he hasn't worked for ages he might try for spousal maintenance but if he's perfectly capable of working hopefully they won't listen. I do have a friend whose ex dragged that one out for a long time though, but it took ages for the courts to decide that a man qualified in a popular skill might actually need to earn his own living.

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