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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Husband asked for a separation letter. What is he talking about?

38 replies

LucyMorningStar · 02/04/2018 11:31

My husband and I are getting the separation wheels rolling (or so I hope). He is unemployed with no savings and nowhere to stay at, hence we're still under the same roof.
He told me the other day I need to produce a letter confirming he can't live here anymore but didn't say more that that. I'm reluctant to ask him to be more specific as he'll just get arsey and unpleasant. I presume he needs the letter in order to get council housing or something? Anyone has any clues as to what I am supposed to write? I would Google it but then I'm not sure what I am Googling.
Background to preempt likely questions - private tenancy, I am in FT employment and bear all financial responsibility, one (our) 7 yo child + one (his) 15 yo child who stays with us 4/7 nights per week .

OP posts:
MrsSnitch · 02/04/2018 13:20

As PP have said your husband does have rights both financial and in relation to his daughter with you. You will be advised to try mediation to thrash out the various issues without the need to go to court.

Nousernameforme · 02/04/2018 13:31

So he is a SAHD?
Just trying to switch it round here I would be devastated if dp tried to get me evicted and kept the children.
Scary to think it's so easy

LucyMorningStar · 02/04/2018 13:32

I am not kicking him out although I wish he would leave. I just got fed up with being treated like a mug so don't entertain his hissy fits anymore in the hope he gets the hint and goes away.

OP posts:
LucyMorningStar · 02/04/2018 13:34

@SandyY2K he does the school run when he doesn't work and makes her tea. That's about as involved as he gets on practical level. I don't know if that makes him a primary carer.

OP posts:
TempusEejit · 02/04/2018 13:36

@LucyMorningStar Don't worry about spousal maintenance, it's increasingly rare and tends to be awarded in circumstances where there would otherwise be a significant disparity in living standards between the separating couple e.g one spouse was a SAHP whilst the other earned £80k. If you're only earning just above min wage the courts would not make you and your DD go short in order to pay your H a nominal amount.

LucyMorningStar · 02/04/2018 13:38

@Nousernameforme you could say he is a SAHD except he's perfectly capable of working, our financial situation requires him to work, he walked out of his previous job without discussing it with me (and his previous jobs before that). In my eyes that makes him unemployed.

OP posts:
LucyMorningStar · 02/04/2018 13:42

@TempusEejit that's a relief. I am on £21k. It would be devastating having to pay for his living!

OP posts:
LucyMorningStar · 02/04/2018 13:56

@SpringNowPlease2018 I am financially responsible for myself, husband, our daughter and her brother when he's here. What do you mean by but his DC is registered as living with their Mum so legally can you be asked to take that on? As in can I be made fin.responsible for the teenager? I doubt that. His mother works FT and has a mortgage and whatever else. He won't be made homeless by me separating from his dad.

OP posts:
NeedsAsockamnesty · 02/04/2018 14:05

In reality the 15 yo can pretty much decide where they want to be without any nonsense or court orders required at all,and even if someone with PR tried to prevent them via a court unless there is a fairly serious welfare reason for their choice not being acceptable there is almost no chance of stopping them obviously providing the third party adult is willing to accomadate them.

Spousal support is also quite rare with normal level incomes these days it’s usually used when one party is a very high earner and the other not

TempusEejit · 02/04/2018 14:07

@LucyMorningStar Basically spousal maintenance is to provide support to help the disadvantaged spouse to transition into returning to work and supporting themselves independently after a long time out of the workplace e.g stay at home parents, or a homemaker who hasn't worked for many years and needs to retrain etc. Sounds like your H could get a job if he wants to but just prefers not to?

As for your DSS, CMS is not payable from stepparents to step children unless they've been formally adopted.

LucyMorningStar · 02/04/2018 14:14

He walked out of his last job on 22 Dec last year so has been out of work for 3 months. Last year he worked 4 months out of 12.

OP posts:
Noname9 · 02/04/2018 14:20

Please do get legal advice!! Although courts rarely award spousal maintenance for life these days they do award it for the non earning spouse for a period until its deemed that they have had time to retrain or look for a job and support themselves.

SpringNowPlease2018 · 02/04/2018 14:22

OP "As in can I be made fin.responsible for the teenager?"

yes, that's what I was wondering, but sounds like not. Phew.

I'm not a lawyer but just thinking about situations my friends have been in....trying for spousal maintenance has happened after long periods of not working so it's good that he worked last year.

I couldn't believe the negotiations dragged on as long as they did with the spousal maintenance tbh.

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