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Original poster

If a guy said..

32 replies

ItsASairFecht · 31/03/2018 18:38

"I'm not in a good place for a relationship now but I'm not saying no for the future" what would you take from that? Not for me, but DD was on a sort of date and the guy told her this. I'm not sure if it's a positive or negative.

OP posts:
TurnipCake · 31/03/2018 18:41

"I don't want a relationship with you but if I'm lonely I might call you up for a shag"

Is my experience

category12 · 31/03/2018 18:41

It means she should date other people.

Treacletoots · 31/03/2018 18:42

He's saying. I want to keep my options open in case I get a better offer.

Tell her to run for the hills, sorry OP. Men may be getting more literate in how they mess women around but that's kind of what it boils down to.

Jon66 · 31/03/2018 18:43

He's up for a shag. Nothing else, ever.

Original poster
ItsASairFecht · 31/03/2018 18:43

Thanks. I feared as much.

OP posts:
PrizeOik · 31/03/2018 18:44

Depends what she wants from a relationship?

If she wants something casual with no expectations of more than dates and sex, she should continue with him.

If she is looking to marry in the short to medium term, she probably will find frustration in this guy.

Either way, very important to date the person you see in front of you at that moment. Not the version of them you imagine may one day exist.

newtlover · 31/03/2018 18:44

block him

Original poster
ItsASairFecht · 31/03/2018 18:46

She really likes him, no question. And, to be fair, he has appeared to like her..constant messaging saying stuff like "I'm thinking of you" when she was away for a bit. Who knows, it's all so complicated. I don't miss those days for sure.

OP posts:
Ruddygreattiger2016 · 31/03/2018 18:50

He is after a no strings shag. If my daughter was in this situation I would tell her exactly that and let her make her own decision (and hoping she would kick him to the kerb asap!).

category12 · 31/03/2018 19:02

She should read this thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3209178-Doesnt-want-a-girlfriend-how-to-move-on

PrettyLittIeThing · 31/03/2018 19:03

Trust me these men say this then end up with gfs 5 minutes later. It basically means he doesn't want you as a gf (your dd) this is from experience

Original poster
ItsASairFecht · 31/03/2018 19:20

Thanks guys. I feel a bit sad about it.

OP posts:
Dozer · 31/03/2018 19:22

Urgh. Messages are easy to type. If he wanted a relationship with her he would be seeing her.

Original poster
ItsASairFecht · 31/03/2018 19:24

I know. Why do it though? why send messages saying he misses her, is thinking of her, will go away with her next time etc?

OP posts:
Dozer · 31/03/2018 19:28

To keep his sexual partner options open.

category12 · 31/03/2018 19:29

To keep her on the hook, so he has attention, affection and sex on tap.

Aquamarine1029 · 01/04/2018 07:44

Sorry op, but he is probably sending the same messages to loads of other girls. He's keeping her on the hook for sex, end of. Now is a great time to talk to your daughter about her self-worth. She deserves a lot better.

Northernparent68 · 01/04/2018 07:49

He might be trying to let her down gently.

Labradoodliedoodoo · 01/04/2018 07:51

There is the chance he might actually be in a bad plane right now. What’s going on in his life?

Coconutspongexo · 01/04/2018 07:54

‘Not saying no for the future’ - aka if I don’t find anyone better you will do so wait around for me.

She deserves better

Babyblues052 · 01/04/2018 07:55

Keeping his options open and stringing her along as option B incase he fancies getting his end away. She should get well rid.

CisPinkHoodie · 01/04/2018 07:57

Its

Because he's stringing her along. Exploiting the fact he knows she likes him

Tell her to have more respect for herself

PixieN · 01/04/2018 07:57

He could be genuine & actually mean that he’s not ready for a relationship - or think he isn’t.....his actions seem to contradict this. I think your DD should distance herself from him - not respond to his texts, see other people etc. He may decide he wants a relationship after all, but she certainly shouldn’t be sitting around waiting for him to change his mind & not rush into anything with him if he does.

Original poster
ItsASairFecht · 01/04/2018 14:08

I should make clear that they aren't sleeping together, so that's something at least.

OP posts:
NotTakenUsername · 01/04/2018 14:13

Is it a bit like, “I don’t want to commit to you but I don’t want anyone else to have you either.” ?