Has anyone managed to ‘fix’ a sexless marriage? If so how?

[Btigger42]

I’ve read a number of threads of people in the same boat as me. I love my DW but we have only had sex 5 times in the last 6 years and all bar 1 were sympathy bonks. Our sex life has never been good which I am partly responsible for having spent years engineering sympathy/guilt sex. I had a brief affair pre children but will never do that to her again. Most of the time I cope by telling myself she’s not my lover but rather a best friend. We have three children and make a good parenting team. I will not consider divorce until they have all grown so I’ve got 12 years to try and fix this. I’d like to know if anyone has managed to get back from here? If you did I’d like to know how as I have the time to try a few things.

Btigger42, taking out your frustrations in the gym is one way of looking at it. Another way of looking at it is, perhaps it will improve your shape and improve your self esteem. Perhaps it will also prepare you to move on into a new relationship, if that is what has to happen.

Living in a sexless marriage where one partner is not happy with the sexless marriage is not a way to live. If you need sex and intimacy in your marriage, then that's what you need in your marriage and you need to find it, even if it means leaving for someone else. My understanding is intimacy is am important and integral part of a marriage. Its on the same level as respecting your partner and being loving to them.

You obviously need/want sex, which is perfectly normal. She doesn’t at all and whenever she does agree to sex, it’s hollow and empty as it’s obvious she’s just going through the motions. You’re not compatible and there’s no easy as you can’t wave a magic wand and make her sexually interested in you. A drop in libido can be hormonal or the result of illness, at which point she could talk to her doctor, however it really doesn’t sound like this applies as you say your sex life has never been good.

As far as I see it you have 3 options here: essentially give up sex forever, negotiate an open marriage (whereby you can sleep with other people under agreed conditions) although I doubt that will fly given your previous affair, or leave.