If your husband called you a cunt, would you leave?

[MinesABabyGuiness]

Every time you fell out?

OK, missed your last posts. So they didn't hear him name calling but, unless I'm mistaken, this came about because you were asking him to not shout at you in front of the kids?

If I've got that right you were doing the right thing - kids do not need to hear shouting or heated arguments.

I'd be more worried about the fact he seems to think that's ok than I would be his choice of language.

I'm not married but in any relationship I've ever been in if they'd ever sworn directly at me in anger in the 'you cunt/stupid bitch' sense (not a frustrated general 'oh for fuck sake') they'd only have had the opportunity to do it once. I'd rather be alone than with someone who disrespects and dislikes me enough to talk to me like that. It would be an absolute dealbreaker for me, if there's no respect and that level of venomous hatred then there's no relationship.

I've had a few long term relationships and never had a screaming/swearing argument with a partner in my life; it's just not something I would ever do so I wouldn't be with someone who thought it was an acceptable thing to do either.

He has done. Frequently. And I haven’t.

My husband calls everyone a cunt several times a day. Unfortunately it's just his go-to expression of frustration. As much as I wish it wasn't, it is just a word.
The cats are frequently cunts, to be fair.

Btw - "people only find it offensive because they think they are supposed to find it offensive" - yes, absolutely, that's how we discern the meaning of every single word in every single language.

Assuming that you and your partner both speak English as your mother tongue, he knows that "cunt" is offensive just as surely as you know that "chair" means a seat with a back. He knows you ought to be offended by it and uses it advisedly. Ergo, he's being an arsehole.

People only find it so offensive because they think that they are supposed to find it offensive (outrage for outrage sake). It is very old fashioned to be outraged by its use in comparison to other swear words

I disagree.

For many women, it's a very different kind of hateful word and when used in anger is unacceptable.

If my DH ever called me that - our marriage would end that second. Someone who loves you would never use that word. Ever.

I disagree with the people only find it offensive bit

Some people will some won't dependant on how they use it . For some "cunt" will roll off the tongue along with other swear words as part of everyday speech therefore they will not place the same importance on the word

For others it's highly offensive and the person using it will be considered offensive when using it

Why are you still with him?

Sounds like you need some counselling together to agree some mutually respectful boundaries. Failing that, I'd leave.

If that was his usual language and his behaviour matched it then definitely yes! My husband wouldn't dream of using the word, especially against me! Horrible.

When I ask him not to call me names, he says don't behave in a way where I need to call you them!

He doesn't need to swear at you. There's plenty of room for negotiation in relationships that doesn't call for swearing at each other. He lacks respect and he's manipulative. At the very least I'd be taking a long, hard look at the relationship and asking if I wanted to remain in it.

I left. Years of being called it at every opportunity

I left. Years of being called it at every opportunity

It doesn't matter if he called you a cunt, a cow, or a daffodil. He was using a word to degrade and insult you. THAT's what I object to during a nasty fight, not a particular word, but the meaning/thought behind using it.

How often do you guys argue? To me that's the main thing, although I agree name-calling is nasty. DH doesn't call me names, I don't call him names either, but if we were arguing frequently, our relationship would be in trouble, if not over.

NO ! ... but he would pretty soon be wishing I did. This would make me creative in the presence of his Mother or sisters and other female relations ... I would develop an Arkwright ( open all hours ) level stutter using a c word ... and watch his face ! e.g
‘ I was just just telling your Mum/Sister/Auntie that endearment from the other day I thought she’d like to be called it too .... c c c c .... c c c c . . c c c c... c c c c... cupcake. ‘ I am underwhelmed by the rest of his described behaviours and might walk for those reasons though - I would be most disturbed by the shouting in front of the children tbh.

No

It doesn't matter whether we'd leave or not. It matters that it upsets you and he's constantly disrespectful. If you feel you need permission to leave, then we give you it.
My DH called me a bitch once. I packed a bag, collected DS and stayed away a few days. He never called me it or any other swear word ever again.

Yes, I did.

The comment that would give me real cause for concern was the 'you make me do it' one. It makes him sound like the sort of man who beats his wife and then blames her for provoking him. If it's by text it's hardly in the heat of the moment is it? You husband is making a deliberate choice to call you foul names. I wouldn't put up with that from anyone, never mind my partner. You too have a choice. You can carry on with this toxic relationship or you can leave.It isn't up to anyone else to make that decision for you.

Well my partner jokingly did so with me and I'd retort by lovingly stroking her long fringe and calling her a sexy slut for wearing a dress/skirt with no underwear publicly while pregnant with our LO(we have one together but she has 3 from a previous marriage, I am 13 years younger than her) but I agree that the C-U-next-Tuesday word is highly pejorative, incriminating and incendiary, and should be only used in the head of the moment as a response to the most exasperating and mortifying subhumans only when necessary. However,in a tongue in cheek manner,that may be a little bit more trivial with an individual who one is close to and under certain circumstances, that might be let slide

God what a horrible way to live.

Please get to that breaking point.

Your kids will thank you, if they're seeing some of this stuff.

The venom - how awful. You can hear that dislike and lack of love and respect with every syllable, I'm sure. So you know what it means.

Let his friend take him full time and get out.

*heat of the moment

The relationship would be over, that second.

An ex once called me a 'fucking bitch' and I left immediately.

i don't care if it was his 'usual speech' or that he uses it all the time to everyone (as per a pp) if it was used to me, against me or at me, I'd leave.

Just using the word as in 'what a cunting thing' is different. DP used to unravel 'Cunting Bunting' every year for the school fete - different.