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Original poster

Husband told me he lies to me all the time

48 replies

Givenup43 · 30/03/2018 13:38

So dp has told me yesterday that he has been lying to me for months. He always told me he doesn't sit near any women at work or chat to any of them and then he gets a birthday card saying happy birthday neighbour.
He then admitted he sits next to some young attractive 20 something.

I have the problem with the lie.... when I asked why he said to save any hassle. But he's lied about watching open, telling me he was on no social media but then going on it in secret... loads of other things.

How can I trust one word he says... ever??

OP posts:
Original poster
Givenup43 · 30/03/2018 13:38

*watching porn

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 30/03/2018 15:04

Run for the hills and don't look back.

ButternutCrinkleFries · 30/03/2018 15:06

Would you have really kicked up a fuss if he’d told you he was sitting next to an attractive woman at work? If so, I think you’re as much as a problem as him.

RidingWindhorses · 30/03/2018 15:07

You can't. Get rid.

Sprinklesinmyelbow · 30/03/2018 15:10

I’m a bit confused really. It sounds like you’re possessive and he’s lying to get you off his back? Otherwise why would sitting with young women even be a thing?

category12 · 30/03/2018 15:12

Why was he telling you all this? About not sitting with women?

Are you a jealous person who can't bear that other women exist where he can see them?

Or has he history of cheating or something?

It's just such a weird overblown lie from the get-go Confused.

Iooselipssinkships · 30/03/2018 15:12

He's lied about other stuff though Butternut. Including being on social media which is the one that is the stand out lie. Why would he need to hide it? Have you seen his profiles since OP?

Josuk · 30/03/2018 15:15

Oh, dear.

OP - you do realise that the moment your bf leaves home - he enters the world where other gender exists. Younger, prettier, skinnier, ....ier than me, you and many other women.
And he sees them and notices the attractive ones.
Just like you would notice an attractive man walking by.

So - yes. If you are the kind of woman that would rather not admit that the outside world contains women - and that a man is capable of seeing them and talking to them without it leading to an immediate sordid encounter - then yes, it’s totaly clear why your bf didn’t want to flame the fire.
Same thing about other things you consider lies.

Sorry. The issue isn’t him. It’s the incompatibility you seem to have.
And your insecurities.

Notonthestairs · 30/03/2018 15:18

Not enough information. Why are you bothered who he sits with or chats too?

Chocolaterainbows · 30/03/2018 15:19

You sound insecure and controlling. He lies to prevent arguments from happening.

gooseygoosegoose · 30/03/2018 15:22

I don't think we can jump to conclusions that op is controlling. She has said she has problems with the lie and has asked him why he would lie. It doesn't mean she interrogates him about work colleagues.

If that is the case op, then based on the other lies he tells you, no I don't think yabu I'm not trusting him in future.

user1467232073 · 30/03/2018 15:23

He will come into contact with females just as you will it’s males. Try not to let it be an issue as it will grow into a big issue. You have to build trust! A lot of young men (and men) are addicted to porn. It doesn’t make it right but it appears to be a more modern issue due to media access. Does he do something to not trust him?

troodiedoo · 30/03/2018 15:26

Your OP comes across as insecure and controlling, only you know how much truth is in that.

But regardless, he's a lying shit. Move on.

category12 · 30/03/2018 15:36

I don't think it's necessarily that the op is controlling :

  • He might lie about his female colleagues as some sort of bluff, making out that the op is a bunny boiler = deliberately crazy making.
  • he might lie because he's cheated and the op has good reason to be suspicious
  • he might lie because she is a bunny boiler.
  • some other things I haven't thought of.

Whatever is going on, it's really unhealthy and op would be better off getting out, I reckon.

RidingWindhorses · 30/03/2018 15:39

I think posters are projecting their own insecurities onto the OP.

No evidence of her being controlling. Plenty of evidence her DP is a liar.

It doesn't even matter why he lies. A liar is a liar.

Purplerain101 · 30/03/2018 15:44

It all depends whether he knows you’d hit the roof over something as innocent as sitting next to a younger woman. If you are a very jealous insecure person then he probably tells lies like that all the time to save arguments.
If you aren’t someone who would kick off about ever last thing then he’s definitely out of order to lie though

ReanimatedSGB · 30/03/2018 15:44

It sounds a very unhealthy relationship. Either you are intensely jealous and obsessed with 'keeping' your H and policing his interactions with other people despite him being a normal, reasonably trustworthy partner or your H likes messing with your head. He might be the sort who has the equally unhealthy attitude that a partner who isn't jealous simply doesn't care. Or he might be a fannyrat who enjoys making women compete for his Mighty Penis.
Or it might suit him to have a 'crazy' jealous wife because this fulfills some other agenda of his own.

What were your previous relationships like, OP? If you have lost several partners due to unreasonable jealousy, then the problem is definitely you. If you never felt jealousy before meeting your H, then it's more likely that he's the manipulative one.

Chocolaterainbows · 30/03/2018 15:48

He always told me he didn't sit next to any women.

Why would he have to go out of his way to tell her he may sit with other women.

There is no projection from me. But she is insecure and it's the reason, more than likely, that he's had to tell white lies.

RidingWindhorses · 30/03/2018 15:51

How do you explain the lies about porn and social media?

HappyFeet1212 · 30/03/2018 15:52

Why would you even ask him whether he sits next to or talks to women? Why would that even be a question?

It's possible he lies, because you ask him & make a 'thing' about it. In which case, you are weird & controlling & he should leave you.

Chocolaterainbows · 30/03/2018 15:55

I don't understand the problem with social media unless he's contacting people shouldn't. Porn is different. If she doesn't like it, and I don't blame her, then she needs to tell him how she feels. If he still insists on viewing the Porn knowing how she feels then the ball is in her court to do something about it.

RidingWindhorses · 30/03/2018 15:59

The issue is his telling her he wasn't on it when he was.

DamsonOnThisDress · 30/03/2018 16:01

He has shown he is capable of lying to you so I don't think you can trust him again. Only you know if you can. I can't tolerate liars.

I also wondered how this came up - I have no idea who my husband sits near or works with and I'm not particularly interested - and wonder if you quiz him on this?

Not sure it really matters because either way you don't trust him and he did lie so it's up to you what you do with that. I hope you're ok op. I'm sure this is very upsetting for you.

Personalsituations99 · 30/03/2018 16:08

I'll talk to my partner about most things. He'll talk about people he works with and I will too. I wouldn't question him other than to ask how his day is going. The people he works with may have come up in conversation. Or he'll say he dislikes so and so to which I'll ask about his friends how he feel ect. He'll openly tell me though because work is a big part of his life and he is my life so we'll talk about everything and anything.
The thing is there are plenty of pretty women out there, hell they're all over the t.v so we can't stop our partners noticing.
The key is trust. If he's lied it's either because he's scared of your reaction or because he's hiding something so only you'll know the answer to that.
Everyone gets a little jealous and that's totally natural. But we can't reflect those insecurities onto our partners UNLESS they have given us a reason to.
The porn and social media are two seperate issues.
Porn is a very divided subject. Some women are okay with it and others not so much. I dislike it and will openly admit to that. I find it very degrading. But I won't slam anyone for their opinion either. If you don't like it you need to speak to your partner and tell him. He either respects and loves your relationship enough to stop. Or he values his own opinions more and isn't willing to. You deal with thats information how you see fit.
The social media account would upset me because what is the reason he is lying about it? Unless again you make a fuss over it?
There is alot of unanswered questions here.
Equally he could be the kind of man to make you feel unimportant and belittle the relationship between you two, leading you to feel insecure.
The probelm here is your post lacks information so advising you on this proves difficult.

Original poster
Givenup43 · 30/03/2018 16:18

He has cheated on me in the past yes.... and befire he did that he lied about very small things with no reason for doing so..... and since then he's lied about similar things big and small....
I've also witnessed him lying friends or work and he's extremely convincing...

So it's hard to trust a word he says as he's so good at it, makes you feel like it's your fault for questioning anything and he's cheated AND I've forgiven it all!

OP posts:
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