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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Husband told me he lies to me all the time

48 replies

Givenup43 · 30/03/2018 13:38

So dp has told me yesterday that he has been lying to me for months. He always told me he doesn't sit near any women at work or chat to any of them and then he gets a birthday card saying happy birthday neighbour.
He then admitted he sits next to some young attractive 20 something.

I have the problem with the lie.... when I asked why he said to save any hassle. But he's lied about watching open, telling me he was on no social media but then going on it in secret... loads of other things.

How can I trust one word he says... ever??

OP posts:

Personalsituations99 · 30/03/2018 16:21

That's your issue then and you'll never be able to trust this man again.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 30/03/2018 16:22

So now he is telling you... to see just how much you will forgive, put up with, choose to ignore.

How much more will you choose to live with?

What would you like posters here to help you with?

I am guessing that many will now say you should leave him... do you want to?

Chocolaterainbows · 30/03/2018 16:29

If he has cheated on you then that changes everything. No, I would not tolerate his lies. I would be looking to leave. You deserve better.

RidingWindhorses · 30/03/2018 16:30

So he's a cheat as well as a liar. Why are you with him?

SandyY2K · 30/03/2018 16:30

There's no trust because he cheated...so I'd personally be done with him.

Purplerain101 · 30/03/2018 16:38

Bit of a drip feed there.
If he’s cheated and also lying now then you need to leave him. A relationship with no trust is a complete waste of time and energy

DamsonOnThisDress · 30/03/2018 17:00

I think you've answered your own question really. Can you trust him? It's certainly a no, isn't it. He doesn't deserve your trust. He's broken it many times. I'm sorry, OP.

fairylightsdown · 30/03/2018 17:58

Leave him. To me, it sounds like it's a combination of him crazy-making (and probably getting a kick/fun out of it) and you being unable to trust him because of previous cheating and continuous lying (totally understandable that you don't trust him). Be prepared for him making you out to be the psycho saying that you're leaving because he speaks to other women in work or some other ridiculous reason that makes him out to be the victim.

scottishdiem · 30/03/2018 18:33

He is a liar and a cheat.

You need to find someone who you can trust. You dont trust him and he is now thinking about everything that could annoy you and then lying about it to avoid the grief you'd give him for it. Its a catch-22 for him.

You need to find someone that doesn't need to lie to you because you trust them and they trust that you wont have a problem with social media and sitting next to women at work.

user1467232073 · 30/03/2018 19:06

If he has cheated that would be the end for me. However, how old is he? How long have you been together and what were the circumstances of cheating? Has the cheating made you insecure about him speaking to any females?

ReanimatedSGB · 31/03/2018 02:29

Right, he is one of those who likes driving women nuts and making them fight and compete for his Mighty Penis. He's an arrogant wankstain who has to feel that women are desperate to please him and gain his attention, so he will stir and stir - and indeed, shag any woman he can charm into dropping her knickers. Honestly, get rid.

I am not interested in monogamy, but there's being openly poly and there's being a manipulative shitbag.

Sakurasnail · 31/03/2018 02:54

Mine is v similar, although it's only recently that I realised how much he has lied over the years. If it were easy to leave, I would. I know I'd be a lot happier not wondering what he's upto/having him get arsey when I question something/listen to him try and go back on himself when he's actually just (accidentally) admitted to something he previously lied about, etc etc. Its so destructive, and he can't put his own ego to the side enough to work through the problems he has created. So it goes on.

What's your situation op, any dc/job? I don't think he's going to change, can you really put up with this indefinitely? You'll get worn down by his crappy personality.

Original poster

Givenup43 · 01/04/2018 09:36

Thanks... I think there's only one thing to do which is leave. I literally can't even believe him if he says he's going to the shops anymore.... as some of you said, so destructive

OP posts:

ReanimatedSGB · 01/04/2018 10:24

If it's not going to be easy to leave, the best thing to do is refuse to play along. Just display no interest in who he sits next to - or sticks his dick in. It's too boring to contemplate. He may bugger off of his own accord in search of a woman who gets more gratifyingly upset.

Original poster

Givenup43 · 03/04/2018 19:17

Update.... found out today he connected a week on linkdin with the woman he left me for once.... hes lied and said he didnt know the connection had happened.

Am I right in thinking that you get an email when you connect as he has for everyone else?

OP posts:

TM71 · 03/04/2018 19:23

Yep even if someone just looks at your profile you get a notification via email.

He is bullshitting you.

Original poster

Givenup43 · 03/04/2018 19:31

Really? So he will have got a notification email definately?

As the other two connections that day had an email whereas thete wasn't one for his ex..... so he's seen it, deleted it and kept her as a contact and opened up a line of communication... correct?

OP posts:

Josuk · 03/04/2018 23:41

OP - so did he both cheat on your, and in a separate instance also left you before?
Why are you with him then?

But - what you are doing is self destructive. Scouring his s.media, quizzing him on work colleagues.

None of those are really crimes - But it doesn’t matter.
You aren’t able to live normally without wondering about what he is up to every moment of the day. And it’s no way to live.

MistressDeeCee · 04/04/2018 00:24

He always told me he doesn't sit near any women at work or chat to any of them and then he gets a birthday card saying happy birthday neighbour

Made me think of 4 wasted years spent with an ex who constantly quizzed me about who I worked with/spoke to. Didn't think I should have any male friends at all. I had to leave as couldn't take the relentless badgering. I was upset for a time but the peace from not being questioned 24/7 was beautiful.

As you possibly will also - my ex discovered you can't actually decide to police and quiz someone for life, just like that - they may get fed up of it all, and just leave you. & there's nothing you can do about it.

& if I had to be with a man and worry about who he sat next to at work (after all you don't have the power to dictate where he sits, or insist he works with men only do you?), then I'd be out of that relationship. The trust is too far gone. Or are you planning to hang on for years and years, questioning as you go? If your relationship lasts, that is.

The porn is a different thing - that, you need you have a blunt talk with him about.

Original poster

Givenup43 · 04/04/2018 07:59

Yes you are right... I've also been on the other side and got completely fed up with being questioned 24/7.

How I'm acting is being destructive ... to me and him and the relationship.. I know.

I just have this intense fear that he will hurt me again.... and want to keep him out of temptations way which I know is not realistic

OP posts:

Mama05070704 · 04/04/2018 08:04

The LinkedIn thing is blatant lie. If someone wants to connect with you, you have to physically click to accept it. There’s no way it happened without him realising.

MyBoysAndI · 04/04/2018 08:06

So are you now saying that you are staying with him?

Original poster

Givenup43 · 04/04/2018 08:12

No I'm not saying I'm staying with him...

But it's rubbish when you love someone but you cannot trust them and you know life would be better without them but it's hard to finish it all..

OP posts:

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