Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Overthinking again?

37 replies

tigercub50 · 27/03/2018 23:49

DH went up to bed before me, telling me (his words) he was “ going to polish my helmet”. He’d been up there a fair while so I nipped up to get DD’s uniform out & he called “ You’re not coming to bed are you?” & I replied that I wasn’t. DD kept coughing so a bit later I went up again to put Vicks on her feet. I really thought DH would have finished by then. As I was going downstairs he called out “ I give up”. I asked him what he meant & he said “ Too many distractions”. But it just got me the way he said it & I immediately felt the need to defend myself. He ended up saying something like “ Let’s not do this now. I want to go to sleep”. I ended up feeling rattled but is that my problem or is it his for saying something? Should he have just kept it to himself?

OP posts:
DailyMailDontStealMyThread · 27/03/2018 23:53

Erm, who announces it and then let’s all know when they haven’t managed it?

On a side note, I do get uniforms and work stuff ready much earlier than now. No excuse for his entitlement to a silent house whilst he polishes his helmet though.

Original poster
tigercub50 · 27/03/2018 23:56

I don’t mind that he tells me in the first place as then I can leave him to it. But it was just a bit off to say he was giving up!

OP posts:
VanGoghsDog · 27/03/2018 23:58

Vicks on feet is a myth, rub it on her chest and upper back.

Oh, yeah, he's a twit.

MyKingdomForBrie · 27/03/2018 23:59

So his wanking schedule was interrupted by your dealing with your dd’s needs and he is pissy about it.

Sometimes MN is a parallel universe to me! Who announces that they’re going for a wank then complains that it’s being ‘interrupted’?! I mean, we’re you meant to wait for a triumphal announcement?!

DailyMailDontStealMyThread · 28/03/2018 00:00

In my world this is bizarre.

Agree with the vicks advice though

Happymummy1991 · 28/03/2018 00:02

Im sorry what? Confused I don't know if understand what I've just read.
I would be fuming if DH told me he was off upstairs to do that and then got annoyed at me for not being quiet enough and distracting him.
I understand that some couples are more open about this sort of thing than others but please someone tell me I'm not the only one who finds this frankly bizarre?

Happymummy1991 · 28/03/2018 00:02

Cross posted

NotTheFordType · 28/03/2018 00:02

How long was the time frame between "I'm going upstairs" and "I give up"? Just out of morbid curiosity 😂

Original poster
tigercub50 · 28/03/2018 00:03

Also wondering what to say in the morning? He really left me feeling like I’d done something wrong. I’ll probably get “ I wasn’t doing anything” as a response.

OP posts:
Original poster
tigercub50 · 28/03/2018 00:05

Not sure of the time frame but it was a reasonable amount of time I think. Must admit, I used to hate it if I got interrupted but I wouldn’t say anything!

OP posts:
DamsonOnThisDress · 28/03/2018 00:08

I'm not sure if I've taken this up right but...

No, I think he really really should have kept it to himself. Really. He's very candid, isn't he! Shock

I'm assuming your DD is too young to understand.

Tbh he sounds like he has a right brass neck on him - calling out mid act, trying to make you feel like shit for having the audacity to carry out chores and see to daughter while he's footering with himself? Seriously?

I wouldn't stand for that. I'd suggest he put his little man away, get off his arse, give you a hand and then you can both relax as you please, with him presumably buggering off elsewhere to continue being a w@nker discreetly.

No one over the age of 14 should make such a song and dance about fiddling with himself. Rude. And quite weird.

Don't defend yourself. Don't entertain him. He's being utterly ridiculous.

You have the patience of Job!

(Might even consider smearing chilli powder in his right hand while he sleeps, the cheeky bugger. 😈)

DailyMailDontStealMyThread · 28/03/2018 00:08

He would get a Hmm face from me. You have done nothing wrong, don’t let him tell you anything different.

I’ve been married for years and neither of us have ever needed to announce a self service fumble ?

Original poster
tigercub50 · 28/03/2018 00:15

He always tells me. As I said, that’s ok cos then I know not to go in our bedroom for a bit. It’s the rest that I objected to! DD was asleep & I didn’t manage to put Vicks on her feet anyway as she was thrashing about so much!

OP posts:
Happymummy1991 · 28/03/2018 00:18

In our house this is usually something that is done when the other is not at home or if they are then it is done VERY discretely. Not that it's seen as something to be ashamed of or that we wouldn't admit it or anything like that.
I think it's really disrespectful of him to announce that he's going upstairs to do that. And even more so to get arsy with you for disturbing him.
I suppose in my head if your both at home and one person is in the mood then the first thought would be to initiate sex so to just say "I'm off for a wank" is almost like saying "I'm horny but i dont want to have sex with you" so I think it's disrespectful.

DailyMailDontStealMyThread · 28/03/2018 00:18

Ok in your world, not in mine.

DamsonOnThisDress · 28/03/2018 00:22

Tbh I wouldn't say anything. You haven't done anything wrong. If tries to broach it I'd probably laugh and tell him to give over but I suppose that's just how me DH would get on with each other.

Certainly wouldn't get drawn into any crap with him. You don't need to justify yourself.

Honestly his huffing and puffing would get my back up that I'd be tempted to have some fun.

Next time he went up I'd give him some distractions. And some. Grin I think 'triumphal announcement' is inspired - parp trombone at moment of climax....or pipe Benny Hill or Road Runner theme during. Complete with MeepMeep at moment of truth. Halo

Original poster
tigercub50 · 28/03/2018 00:24

I should add that we haven’t made love for quite a few months & when we tried the other day it was too painful for me so I have a docs appt coming up. I don’t think he was being disrespectful to go & do it but he should have kept his frustration to himself!

OP posts:
Pandoraphile · 28/03/2018 00:26

I CANNOT believe what I've just read. He tells you he's going to masturbate and you stay out of the way until it's done???? Honestly, this is one of the weirdest things I have ever read.

Why does he not want sexual time with you?? I seriously don't get this.

Happymummy1991 · 28/03/2018 00:28

Aaah okay that does make a bit of sense now.
Even still he was BU to complain about being disturbed. You didnt do anything wrong.

Original poster
tigercub50 · 28/03/2018 00:30

He does want sexual time with me ( in fact when we are making love it’s fantastic) but he has always gone off to “ polish his helmet” & I will have “ sessions” on my own too.

OP posts:
DamsonOnThisDress · 28/03/2018 00:30

No, if letting the other know is something you do, that's not disrespectful but his stroppiness is.

As your little girl gets older - later to bed, harder to settle, etc, etc - there will be many many more interruptions and distractions.

He'll need to be able to deal with that and put it off until a more suitable time without getting mardy. And he really will need to be more discreet.

I'm glad to hear you are going to GP. All the best for that.

Tinkerbellx · 28/03/2018 00:30

Perhaps you should rub the Vicks on his helmet that'll sort him out !

Toodlepip14 · 28/03/2018 01:23

😂

Original poster
tigercub50 · 28/03/2018 07:34

Thanks all. The subject came up this morning ( pardon the expression!!) Grin as I didn’t mention it but must have seemed a bit fed up. He said he really didn’t mean to be stroppy & he was trying to be considerate of me by letting me know I could come to bed. He did apologise & not in the “ keeping the peace” way he often used to. I told him he WAS stroppy & that it wasn’t as if he made a grand announcement to tell me he was done.

OP posts:
TheNaze73 · 28/03/2018 07:39

Do you think him telling you was a roundabout way of trying to get you to join him?

His actions are a bit weird but, I don’t think this is anything more sinister than a communication breakdown