So what do I call it now?!!

[Ceirrno]

Today is my wedding anniversary... Except it isn't.

I got divorced last year, so although today is the anniversary of my wedding, there's no "counting the years" anymore... So what on earth do people call their wedding anniversary once they're no longer married?

I feel it still needs marking, but calling it your wedding anniversary sort of implies that you're actually still married...

Argh!

I'm divorced. I can't really relate to this. Meh-day?

Green tulips, do you mean Bill and Hilary?

Green tulips, do you mean Bill and Hilary?

Why twice? Just, why???

Divorced and genuinely couldn't tell you the date I got married.

Maybe get a hobby to take up some of the free time you have for over thinking such things!

Well, I hear Bill would do anything...

"I feel it still needs marking" I think you need to ask yourself why, OP. Of course you're not likely to forget the date for a good few years but it doesn't need marking and it doesn't need to be named anything other that what it is - the anniversary of the day you got married or 'Wedding Day Anniversary' .

Damon ... for love, but he won't do that

Op it can be whatever day you want it to be. If you are coming from a sad place about no longer being married then be kind and pamper yourself or talk to some close friends. If you are happy that you are free then go celebrate.

Celebrate the day the divorce was finalised?

I think people are being unfair! Presumably this is the first anniversary to pass since the divorce? In which case it is still a poignant date despite the fact they are no longer together.
OP for future years make some plans to go out and have fun and make new memories for this date
For what it's worth my DMIL and (not D) FIL have been divorced 20 years and he messaged her on their anniversary last year and posted their wedding pic on Facebook lol! She enjoyed it as a reminder of her very lucky escape
Best wishes x

How about calling it your "unniversary"?

Thank you for the kinder comments... It was literally half my life that I was with my ex and no matter what good or bad things happened in that time, that's hugely significant. And my one, probably only, wedding day is always going to have been one of the most significant days of my life... How can that just be written off?

I was with my ex husband for 16 years. Met at 13. Split at 29. So more than half my life. So I felt down when it was the 1st wedding anniversary after we split. Even though I instigated it.

However now I don't even notice the date. Apart from knowing my divorce date is 1 month before my anniversary lol!

Just mark it how you want then move on.

It doesn't have to be written off - everybody feels differently and deals with it differently.

How you mark it is up to you.

How did you get through the day? Are you still finding it vey tough? This was the first one so understandably difficult but I hope in time it gets easier for you. I would do what you have to to get through it.

I'm sorry I was flippant in my initial posts. I was trying to be lighthearted but I misjudged it and I realise now that's not what you needed.

It was just really weird to be honest. Like something just wasn't right or was missing. I can't really explain it.

I get what you're saying Cierrno
I would have been celebrating my Silver anniversary this year. The fact that we haven't been together for years, the fact that he's a lying cheat & the fact that I no longer feel anything for him doesn't stop me occasionally thinking about it & perhaps reflect on life's twists & turns.
I have two beautiful kids with him & so he'll always be in our lives in some capacity.
The day is whatever it means to you.

@Ceirrno A 'don't know what to do with myself' feeling, perhaps?

I suppose the date has always been so significant maybe some part of you feels you should be doing something - anything - but because it's not a celebration you're left with an unsettled feeling, not knowing what to be at?

Maybe plan ahead for any upcoming significant dates - whether it be treating yourself or just keeping busy - so you're not left with that weird limbo feeling.

Who knows, maybe one day you might get to a point it can pass without you even registering it much if that's something you'd like.

I hope you're ok and feel a bit stronger each time you get through these 'milestones'.

I would call it "Shag a Fireman" Day because that's what I did

I understand what you mean. Some very callous responses here. I understand it would be a day of reflection as it marked something so significant that is not nothing just because it's no longer there. It's like marking the birthday date of a loved one that has died, in some ways. A day that was celebrated and now constitutes a loss.
It is entirely normal to not want to write off half your life. That's exactly how I feel. There were lovely times, and although they are now in the past it doesn't mean they didn't happen.

Intheair you have summed it up perfectly. Very well put.
Sorry for .your mixed feelings op. I am not divorced but would imagine your feelings are quite common in the early days .

Dammit @Didnthavesexforyears ... That's not fair! Lol

@intheairthatnightfernando , that is an excellent description actually... Thank you

I don't think of it as written off: my wedding was lots of fun. It was a good day.

I was with my ex from 19, so my entire adult life really up until I kicked him out a couple of years ago. That time wasn't wasted, written off nor was it nothing but misery (although there was plenty of misery too). I regret sticking with it as long as I did, but I kinda feel like the way it went was the only way it could go, what with with me being me and him being him, and it was the right time for me to jump.

I don't feel anything about our anniversary tho.

I guess I emotionally disengaged a fair while ago. And it was very much my decision to end it. I don't know if that makes a difference.

I so understand. Ill write more later.

I get what you're saying too. Take care.