I’ve been dating this firefighter. Or I had. For 6 months. I met him through work, he’s an influencer in the industry I work in, finally met him late last year when he turned up at a trade show event and came to say hello; it was lust at first sight, saw him, he was gorgeous, 6’4” built like F and had bright blonde hair and blue eyes. I said hello and awkwardly walked away flustered.
A week later, I had a message from him saying it was lovely to have met me and we started chatting from there. Eventually we met up and had the best date EVER, but he then broke the news that due to his work schedule he didn’t had any more time off until January, we’d only met twice and the rest of it was a FaceTime, texting, relationship.
Back in Jan, I found out I was pregnant and that I’d lost the baby, I was 2 months pregnant and hadn’t known, I told him and it didn’t really feel as though he was all that with it, he just said it was awful and asked if I was okay and carried on with life.
I tried to communicate with him but it just didn’t work, I put it down to him not caring but I feel that might be unfair.
Our relationship didn’t feel like it was progressing without seeing each other in person, he became more stressed with work and the cuts and I became more anxious that I was never going to see him again and I felt he was not putting much effort in to seeing me at all.
I walked away. I went back. I walked away again. Went back again. And this cycle and limbo of not really knowing where we were at eventually got to me and I decided to call it a day, with every hope he’d run after me and say no don’t go we can do this.
It was going to be difficult because I manage him and all of the other influencers, so I decided to take a step back and let someone else in the business take over to cut all ties.
We’re in an influencer chat on instagram, they always have a bit of back and forth but everyone in this industry is clueless about our relationship, then last week, on Tuesday, I put in the chat that I’d no longer be managing them and that a new girl would be taking over and that if anyone needed me for anything urgent to ask for me and I’d be there.
To which he put in a group full of people;
“I’m asking for you now.”
I ignored it and responded to the questions underneath about my leaving, and he put again;
“What if some of us need you more than others?”
I responded with “nobody needs me you’ll be fine with the new girl,”
He put, “I need you.”
The other members of the chat joked and said “yeah, me too, I love you ***”
To which M responded, “thing is I actually do love , she knows I do!”
The whole group chat was silenced and a lot of googly eye emojis popped up and a few people responded with “erm what?”
It’s been 5 days since I’ve had any contact with him and it’s been so damn hard, I love him but the reality of being with someone who is married to their job as a firefighter is too much to bear.
Is anyone else in a relationships tin a firefighter? Does this situation of them being married to the job and constantly unavailable sound familiar? Is it really time to stop trying and walk away? My heads such a mess but I know for sure that I can’t reach out to him now, because then I’d be THAT girl, and I can’t be her anymore. If he’s happy to let this go just as easily, even tho he tells me he’s “just taking orders” from me to leave him alone, is it even worth it?