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Original poster

Red flag, DH cheating?

32 replies

chelseagirl75 · 23/03/2018 20:01

Ok I'll try make this brief but just wanted to hear people's opinions on DH phone behaviour.

So at the weekend I sent DH a text, he was in another room but his phone was near me, it was just a screenshot of something he needed to buy, the text sent and said delivered but no notification popped up on his phone.

I thought this was a bit odd but didn't say anything, when he came back in the room he picked up his phone and within seconds he had commented on the text so I know he definitely got it.

The same happened a few nights ago, I sent him a funny pic of one of the DC, he was in the shower and again the phone was next to me and nothing came up!

He was being a bit arsey that night so I mentioned it and he had that 'busted' look on his face, made up some story that he has his notifications turned off at work because some of the texts his mate 'Dave' sends are a bit embarrassing when they flash up on his phone, my thoughts are if you're tech savvy enough to turn your notifications off then surely you know how to turn the preview off! In fact I'm pretty sure he never had previews before so I'm sure that is bullshit. And the first time I noticed it was Sunday! Completely understand phone being on silent but text notifications totally off - is this a red flag or am I reading too much into this? Thoughts please.

OP posts:
FissionChips · 23/03/2018 20:04

I’ve turned all notifications off on my phone, doesn’t mean I’m cheating, I just find them irritating.

PurplePotatoes · 23/03/2018 20:04

I think at this stage if there's nothing else then you might be reading too much into things...I've recently turned mine off as I have my phone on my desk in case nursery rings but often have colleagues at my desk and I don't want my texts popping up..I'm definitely not cheating!

Original poster
chelseagirl75 · 23/03/2018 20:10

@PurplePotatoes

Completely understand in your circumstances but he doesn't sit round a desk with other people, he is the boss and yes he does go into meetings but surely you would just leave it in your suit pocket?

OP posts:
ComeOnGordon · 23/03/2018 20:12

My STBXH did this - he was cheating

offside · 23/03/2018 20:15

I used to have all of my notifications turned off for no other reason than it annoyed me seeing them on my screen and popping up when I’m busy. I haven’t turned them off on my new phone yet but they are distracting when you’re in the middle of something.

My DH has his notifications turned off because his mates send some questionable things and he appreciates his privacy. Nothing wrong with that. And he isn’t cheating.

I think you’re overreacting.

AnneLovesGilbert · 23/03/2018 20:15

You must have other reasons for suspecting him. This wouldn’t bother me at all, I’m not sure I’d even notice if DH had different or no notifications on.

Is there something else at the back of your mind?

NameChangedAndForgotOldName · 23/03/2018 20:16

I do this when I'm home, there's nothing important anyone can need me for and I can choose when I look at it.
I'm single so not cheating chance would be a fine thing

f83mx · 23/03/2018 20:22

Reading too much into it.

Original poster
chelseagirl75 · 23/03/2018 20:27

@AnneLovesGilbert

Yes you are right, there is more to it.

Should've mentioned it to start - he has cheated before, 3 years ago.

OP posts:
italiancortado · 23/03/2018 20:29

You think he is cheating because he has notifications turned off Confused

That's quite a leap to get to that!

I have my notifications turned off; literally no reason for it, just because.

AnneLovesGilbert · 23/03/2018 20:30

Oh OP. Then of course you don’t trust him. Was this a sign in the past?

If you’re unhappy or don’t trust him, if this isn’t the life you want, you know you don’t need to prove he’s cheating again in order to leave, if that’s what you need to do.

It must be an exhausting way to live.

TheBrilliantMistake · 23/03/2018 20:37

But he leaves his phone right next to you? Hell of a risk

Original poster
chelseagirl75 · 23/03/2018 20:44

@TheBrilliantMistake

Well there's no risk, as his text notifications are turned off, so if he was to get a message nothing appears on his phone unless he picks it up and opens it, it is fingerprint security so I can't see his actual messages, This is my point!

OP posts:
AlphaApple · 23/03/2018 20:48

I have turned off notifications. They irritate me. My phone is also always on silent. I check my phone when I want to check it.

I'm not having an affair.

Original poster
chelseagirl75 · 23/03/2018 20:59

Do all these people who have their text notifications turned off because they irritate them have younger kids? We have two teenage DC whose main communication is by text, if we drop them off somewhere they will text when they are ready to be collected from different activities etc, I wouldn't dream of having mine turned off at this stage of my kids life!

OP posts:
Elizanotlittle · 23/03/2018 21:04

I have mine off.

Well my phone will buzz to say I have a message but I don't like them on the screen.

I have always had this. Is it a sudden change in his phone?

I hate them being on the screen as I find it not very private . I like the message to open when I unlock it.

MsHomeSlice · 23/03/2018 21:08

i would be suspicious tbh.

no sound, no notifications, no previews and a proven philanderer.

it's not looking good really is it.

whereiscaroline · 23/03/2018 21:08

One of our bosses does not have his notifications turned off. I had to do something on his iPad the other week and saw a text from a friend saying something about a "cheeky bum spank". If he has friends likely to do something like that, then it's possible because as a boss it's embarrassing and could damage credibility. But you can turn off text previews without turning off notifications altogether.

I'd probably try to do some discreet digging in your shoes.

hazeydays14 · 23/03/2018 21:14

Does he have a passcode? If so do you know it/does he know you know it?
If there’s suspicious texts or whatever on his phone he’s unlikely to leave it next to you whilst he showers/is out of the room for a period of time unless he knows you can’t get in his phone.

TheBrilliantMistake · 23/03/2018 21:18

Easiest option is to 'lose' your phone at a friends and need to borrow his.
If he doesn't want to hand it over, you have problems. If he does, then you have nothing to worry about.

Josuk · 23/03/2018 21:20

OP - if trust is broken and you haven’t built it up - you’ll see something suspicious in everything - and in anything he does.

This - notifications - can be nothing or something. No way to know.
But - is this really a way to live? Wondering, suspecting and checking?

If you don’t trust him and relationship doesn’t feel good/right/etc. - leave.
Or - find a way to get past it or it’ll eat you over time

TefalTester123 · 23/03/2018 21:28

I have two teenage DC. I have notifications off. Too easy for someone to get an access code for something sent to your phone and then be able to read it without opening the phone.

dirtybadger · 23/03/2018 21:39

I didnt know you could turn them off. I will be! I have been embarrassed multiple times showing someone a picture or something and DP sending me a remotely rudey or personal text.

If your DP has form, and it set off your instinct...then there may be something in it. But without that context turning notifications off seems innocent to me.

Guavaf1sh · 23/03/2018 22:09

My notifications are turned off. They’re annoying, get in the way and with so many people sending eighteen texts when one will do notifications would be very frustrating

TokenGinger · 23/03/2018 22:25

Could it be he just has you switched off?

I mute DP when he pisses me off and I don’t want to see if he’s trying to message me. Or I mute somebody if they message a lot and I don’t want my phone constantly flashing. I look at my phone often enough to not miss something that’s urgent if a notification is not switched on.

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