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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

anyone else not close to their siblings?

54 replies

ssd · 22/03/2018 09:57

and it makes them sad?

mine moved away over 30 years ago so I grew up like an only child (am the youngest), parents died and now its just us left, I tried to keep in touch but it was all one sided and eventually it hurt too much and I gave up

wish I had siblings I was close to, I have no other family

anyone similar? sometimes it feels like everyone except me has extended family who get on, or keep in touch at least

OP posts:

user764329056 · 22/03/2018 19:46

NC with narc mother and siblings, really sad and I don’t think i’ll ever really come to terms with it, I come from a big family and feel like an only child, no, actually an orphan

Gah81 · 22/03/2018 20:29

Me. I have many sisters (all much older, so I too was like an only child) and I try so hard at keeping in touch. Only one (almost) makes an effort back but is naturally misanthropic. The others live far away and I am on the verge of giving up - has to be a two-way thing. I keep telling myself that you don't choose your siblings, so there is no reason why you should get along or have lots in common but it still makes me sad.

Original poster

ssd · 23/03/2018 08:03

I wonder if this happens to the older siblings?

OP posts:

immortalmarble · 23/03/2018 08:12

Do you think you might be trying to imagine a life that never would have been, ssd?

It is hard when you have little or no extended family to speak of but what about your own little unit?

elQuintoConyo · 23/03/2018 08:16

Over here, too.

Partly one of the reasons DH and i chose to have one child.

I'm the youngest of 2 daughters. I don't think my sister got over the shock of my birth. We are now 43/45 and live on different continents, we have sporadic contact on fb and whatsapp and do gifts. I don't think we'd get on at all if we lived in the same town, she bullied me greatly when we were teens and i'm always behind my shield so she cannot hurt me. Totally unhealthy.

Original poster

ssd · 23/03/2018 16:38

possibly immortalmarble

OP posts:

DullAndOld · 23/03/2018 16:42

yes, me.

I have one full brother, three half brothers and two half sisters.

The full brother is 18 months older than me, he took one look at me when my mum brought me back from the hospital, burst into tears and never recovered. He spent our childhood battering me and mocking me.

The other ones are OK, but are from my dad's second marriage and their mother told them they were not related to us. At all.

Once I read somewhere, to be v wary of someone who doesn't talk to their siblings.....:(

NukaColaGirl · 23/03/2018 16:44

4 sisters, barely see them, despite living round the corner owner. 3 Step sisters who I’m close to, unfortunately I live far away from them. I stopped making effort with the 4 of them years ago as it was all one sided.

Oly5 · 23/03/2018 16:45

Me. Not close to my brother at all. He doesn’t like me really. Yes, it makes me sad

PrizeOik · 23/03/2018 16:49

I am the eldest, it does happen to older children

joystir59 · 23/03/2018 18:01

Me. I have two brothers, one older and one younger. Neither want anything to do with me. our parents are dead and so is our elder sister, so I am left with the knowledge that my only surviving immediate family have disowned me. I tried hard over the years to have contact but it's very one sided and since my sister died both have made it clear they don't want anything to do with me despite the fact that she wanted us all to get on. The good news is that her son (now 45 with grown up children) wants to be close to me and is coming to stay for a few days in May

VaguelyAware · 23/03/2018 18:23

I have a younger sister. I could write an essay, but I won't. We should form a club.

TopOfTheCliff · 23/03/2018 18:38

I have three sibs younger than me. We all went off to boarding school at 8 9 or 10. I hardly know them. My favourite DB is an introvert who barely speaks but is a dear kind lovely person when I can arrange to meet him. The other two are very close and go on holiday together and stay with each other. I don't think they like me! I am the last to hear about family arrangements and expected to fit in with their plans. Luckily I have a lovely SIL and lots of nice friends but I wish I was close to family.

Original poster

ssd · 23/03/2018 19:05

seems there's a sadness in all of us about this issue

OP posts:

HRTpatch · 23/03/2018 19:08

I have a much older sister who I've seen twice in about 25 years. No fall out..I just have nothing in common with her.
Will I attend her funeral ? Probably not.

CloakandDaggerNameChange · 23/03/2018 20:42

I have a brother with whom I used to be very close. I was good friends with his wife too. The four of us (including my DH) holidayed together, etc. While away on these holidays I realised my SIL manipulates my bro to get what she wants but he hadn't a clue. I thought it was their own business until it started to impact me when they had their first child. We have VERY different parenting styles and expectations of children's behaviour and this has caused huge amounts of friction.

Ever since, it appears my bro has had a personality transplant (he's become very arrogant and has come up with a whole new belief that I was my parents' favourite child) which has been created by my SIL. I know this sounds crazy. My SIL is not a bad woman - just a very insecure one - and my bro hasn't realised that she bad mouths us to him in an effort to look good to him.

So I love my bro. I'm disappointed that he's so naive and hasn't worked out what's going on. I've tried talking to him about it but he has basically said that he and his family come as a package and I need to get on with all of them or lose him altogether. I've backed off completely and only see them occasionally - normally in places where his feral children won't hurt my DC or embarrass us. I'm perplexed he's changed so much. He probably thinks the same about me.

I can only hope that things will improve as the kids get older but I fear we'll just grow further apart.

JeremiahBackflip · 23/03/2018 20:50

I get on ok with my sister. She keeps me at arms length and I don't really know her.

wizardswife79 · 23/03/2018 20:57

Not close to my siblings at all. They are nice enough people, but we are very different, have little in common and don’t live near each other.
I also find I make most effort and don’t always get replies to messages so kind of given up. One sibling who lives 3/4 hours drive away never visits me. I visit them occasionally but I have to instigate.

I always send gifts to their kids for birthdays/ Christmas etc.

Makes me a bit sad if I’m honest. It’s also one of the reasons I don’t have reservations about having an only child. DH has a sibling he dislikes so shares my feelings on that.

elQuintoConyo · 23/03/2018 21:51

This is such a sad thread. But quite therapeutic.

Anyone want an online sister? i'm very easygoing!

chibsortig · 23/03/2018 22:01

I am the eldest i have 4 half sisters of which i have sporadic contact with the oldest the middle two NC because one is a twat and the other married a twat. The youngest one is ok though.
I am the black sheep but its ok i prefer the family i picked for myself.

victorvran · 23/03/2018 22:08

I'm not close to my brother at all - I only see him at obligatory family gatherings but I don't know much about his life and he doesn't know about mine. I don't really like him as a person.

I am a bit closer to my sisters and we see each other a bit more often, but we aren't emotionally close and have very little in common - the only thing we share really is family matters.

It doesn't matter to me as I see DH and my DC as my family now and don't have much need for other family members in my life.

Original poster

ssd · 23/03/2018 23:04

I'll be your sister el, I'd bloody love a sister

OP posts:

joystir59 · 24/03/2018 03:03

I am the black sheep but its ok i prefer the family i picked for myself This is me
chibsortig

Certcert · 24/03/2018 06:47

I can relate to your post, OP. I was adopted. I come from a large family and one of my siblings, I haven't seen since school .

But, for years, mother was great at 'divide & conquer'. That was her favourite game.

joystir59 · 24/03/2018 08:48

But, for years, mother was great at 'divide & conquer' my dad did this.

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