The rise of the alpha single

[Trovi]

I just read this article and I really loved it! It is essentially about choosing to be single because you truly enjoy it, even as a potential long-term prospect. (You need to register to The Times website to read it, but no payment/ credit card details required).

www.thetimes.co.uk/article/the-rise-of-the-alpha-single-spk8s73q8

It made me feel less of a freak for being so content with being on my own, while society as a whole keeps telling me it really is time to settle down unless I want to turn into a spinster soon.

A few quotes that I particularly loved:

"It’s deeply courageous to opt for singleness rather than stick with being unhappily partnered up, goes the thinking. It’s always been a comforting thing to hear, but I’m increasingly dubious about its accuracy. It’s not actually that brave to choose to be single when the truth is that you find your single life to be wonderful."

"To be clear, it’s not that I don’t want a long-term relationship – it’s that I don’t want a relationship per se. I hope to fall in love again and have a partnership that sticks, but I don’t see relationships as good in themselves, any more than I want to read a book just because it’s a book."

"Where there was once a financial impetus for women to marry, we now have great jobs, we have employment and property rights, and we don’t need a man to put his name on our mortgage. So if you’re not broody, you can pay your own bills and you’re not going to be burnt as a witch for remaining single – why on earth would you settle?"

Hmm I'm single after a long relationship and while I'm open minded about the future I'm also clear that I'd rather be alone than settle.

I like the idea of being an Alpha Single, sounds pretty cool ☺

I was happy before when I was single too, it's fair to say the most miserable years of my life were when in a couple which is really very sad.

I finally have a tribe! Marriage ended in 2011, had a one year relationship in 2015 and have been happily single since then.

I actually ended up falling out with a longstanding friend who was hell bent on making me acknowledge my 'loneliness' and trying to get me into on-line dating and/or therapy...

The head tilts from women (and it's always women) when they discover I'm divorced and single and don't have children.

Thank God I now have a short answer for all the bloody questions: 'No, I'm not lonely/a bitter ex-wife/mentally ill, I'm an Alpha Single. Google it.'

Well, it’s fine as far as it goes, but ultimately what do you do for companionship?

Companionship would be lovely but I'm far less lonely now than when unhappily paired.

Well, it’s fine as far as it goes, but ultimately what do you do for companionship?

Have you heard of friends?

It's a new thing folk are trying

I can relate to this. I don’t need a man for money and I’m lucky to have tons of amazing friends for companionship. However, it’s children that are the real sticking point. If I didn’t want a family, I’d be much happier being single.

Prize, of course, but - asking nicely - have you actually tried to spend every weekend, holiday, evening, with ‘just’ friends?

You need a lot of friends and mostly it’s hard getting to do anything because of money.

Prize, of course, but - asking nicely - have you actually tried to spend every weekend, holiday, evening, with ‘just’ friends?

Why would people need to do that? It's possible to meet up with / chat with friends when you want to, and be happy with your own company / hobbies the rest of the time. It really is quite nice.

Prize, of course, but - asking nicely - have you actually tried to spend every weekend, holiday, evening, with ‘just’ friends

Why would you need to spend every weekend, holiday, evening with people?

Is it possible to perhaps spend some time alone, some time at work, some time in various volunteering/hobby/sport, and some time with friends...?

I've been happily single for quite a while, but I've had some health problems the past year and it's been difficult on my own, both practically and emotionally, I wish I'd made some effort to find a relationship when things were okay.

I get very lonely. I work Monday to Friday which keeps me out of the house for most of the day. I volunteer, I go to the gym, I do ordinary things, I still get very starved of companionship.

I thought "Alpha Single" sounded unbearably wanky and was fully expecting the article to be smug and annoying, but it was much better than I expected.

Here's an open access link that goes through the paywall: www.thetimes.co.uk/article/the-rise-of-the-alpha-single-spk8s73q8?shareToken=08e42b25265d4b4c83f221dd669d6aee
I liked the article too. Being single is heaven. The company of friends & family when I want it and my own space when I don't.

Why does companionship have to be a love interest? Can’t it just be a friend !

Of course, but for the most part we don’t live with our friends, they live in their own families. I might feel different if I had more single friends.

Much better to be Alpha Single than unhappily paired. It's sad really that so many people need a 'partner' to feel fulfilled.

I don't think I could stand living with anyone, tbh. Child, partner, friend, whoever. I love having people round but full time... just no.

I do see a lot of friends & family though, & I work in a busy office. Maybe if I didn't have so much company outside of my flat I'd feel differently.

Well, I'm open to the possibility of another relationship, but not for a good few years - once the divorce comes through, I'm going to spend some time getting to know me again. I've got the DDs for a few more years and after that, who knows? There will certainly be a lot more archery involved.

And I spent a lot of time alone when I was a student and loved it. I wrote stories, read, knitted, listened to music and did what the hell I wanted. It was great, can't wait to do it again.

I like alone time too and agree that friemds/hobbies are.good for company....
But what do alpha singles do for a sevusl life. .
Feb?

...

Fwb but feb.. and other annoying autocorrect... and could not link to article so sorry of this was covered!

I'm with Dolphin. I have loads of friends, but most of them have kids and so weekends are family time. I see some friends a couple of evenings a week at assorted hobbies but it's not unknown to go for umpteen weekends in a row without seeing or speaking to anyone - anyone that you know (obviously if I go out for a walk I'll nod hello to people I pass by). No one to chat to about stuff.

And while I do enjoy my own company SOME times, when you've been on your own for years and years, weekends can be incredibly lonely. And what's wrong with wishing you had someone to wake up to of a morning or to go to bed with at night. And, yes, a bit of sexual contact too, but with someone who gives a damn about you.

How can you be lonely when you love the one you live with?

Companionship? have friends of both sexes
Sex? Have friends of the opposite sex

what's wrong with wishing you had someone to wake up to of a morning

Nothing's wrong with wanting that. Society assumes that everyone wants that. You can't possibly think that people who want that are the ones seen as "wrong".

But there's also nothing wrong with NOT feeling the need for that.

noego I have friends of both sexes. But if they are busy doing stuff with their own families, especially at weekends, it's hard to have companionship with them then. As for sex, well, I actually have far more friends of the opposite sex than my own, but it doesn't necessarily follow I find them sexually attractive (or them me).

The whole "how can you be lonely when you love the one you live with is" is such a cliched bit of bollocks. There's lots of things I enjoy doing on my own. But talking to yourself will eventually get you sectioned; holidays on your own cost far more than if there are two of you and it's good to share those sorts of things with someone; I can't kiss myself; all sorts of things.

Being comfortable on your own and enjoying plenty of time on your own is fine. But sometimes it simply isn't enough.

It's almost as though there are many different ways to lead a fulfilling and happy life.