The rise of the alpha single

[Trovi]

I just read this article and I really loved it! It is essentially about choosing to be single because you truly enjoy it, even as a potential long-term prospect. (You need to register to The Times website to read it, but no payment/ credit card details required).

www.thetimes.co.uk/article/the-rise-of-the-alpha-single-spk8s73q8

It made me feel less of a freak for being so content with being on my own, while society as a whole keeps telling me it really is time to settle down unless I want to turn into a spinster soon.

A few quotes that I particularly loved:

"It’s deeply courageous to opt for singleness rather than stick with being unhappily partnered up, goes the thinking. It’s always been a comforting thing to hear, but I’m increasingly dubious about its accuracy. It’s not actually that brave to choose to be single when the truth is that you find your single life to be wonderful."

"To be clear, it’s not that I don’t want a long-term relationship – it’s that I don’t want a relationship per se. I hope to fall in love again and have a partnership that sticks, but I don’t see relationships as good in themselves, any more than I want to read a book just because it’s a book."

"Where there was once a financial impetus for women to marry, we now have great jobs, we have employment and property rights, and we don’t need a man to put his name on our mortgage. So if you’re not broody, you can pay your own bills and you’re not going to be burnt as a witch for remaining single – why on earth would you settle?"

what's wrong with wishing you had someone to wake up to of a morning or to go to bed with at night.

Nothing. But as Trills said there's also nothing wrong with not wanting it. I can't be the only one who'd find having someone else in my bed, every night, suffocating.

It's almost as though there are many different ways to lead a fulfilling and happy life

Isn't it just! Single by choice for over a decade, don't need an article to tell me that's ok or anyone's approval for that matter. Probably helps that I'm way past caring what others think although I'm sure there are many happy single women who get annoying comments from family and friends, mine know better thankfully.

All of my single female friends prefer the single life by choice.

I like the Alpha single description and it fits me. I'm not looking for a relationship and feel it's almost certain I won't have one again. I'm done with investing in that area of life: the returns are too poor.

I think a lot of the decent guys actually feel the same as many of you ladies too , it’s not just a female thing. Many of them have also been crapped on too , be it physically or financially or mentally

The article is a bit self contradictory. So I still want a relationship but not just any relationship seems to be the just of it. I would much rather hear from someone who is happy being single because that is what they actually want.

Maybe it depends on age?

I've had my family, they've grown up and left home. I live alone, but have what used to be called 'a male friend' for occasional forays into the world of romance (although it's not in the least romantic, he doesn't understand romance, but it's someone to knock about with from time to time. I'd rather go out with my kids, though) so I'm not typical.

But I think it might be easier to resign oneself to a 'single life' when you've done the whole 'family' thing already.

PS, I recommend getting a dog. You're never truly alone with a terrier...unfortunately.

I am actually happily single and don't want a relationship. I find it odd that some people don't realise that some of us don't actually want romantic partners.

I don't want to live with someone (other than my young DS of course). I don't want someone getting in my space every evening. I don't enjoy sleeping next to someone, I find it suffocating.

I find life on my own a lot easier. I'm very stubborn and know exactly what I want so I hate the idea of having a partner and having to make joint decisions.

Selfish? Maybe. But it's how I like to live.

IME based on my group of acquaintance's, it would appear it is more a female thing to choose to lead a single lifestyle. The men, not so much. They are still looking for the 'one' Even though they have been crapped on.

I love my single life. I even have solo travel down to an art form .

I was a solo parent too. He's an adult now and living his own life.

Have had relationships of course. But not waiting on another man to take up my space here at home. Like has been said, how suffocating.

I only need to read the awful relationship posts to think "Hallelujah, I'm not living like that!"

Don’t like the term “alpha”, which presumably just means wealthy and attractive.

What about sex though... that is the issue for some

gamechanger I have a FWB. Doesn't work for everyone but suits me well.

Sex is not in short supply, for women especially. Tinder, adultfriendfinder, a trusted friend. That's probably the least difficult aspect to fulfill, in terms of meeting ones social needs.

Ah yes those lovely family weekends and holidays. Just filled with love and fun.

Take a closer look, most people I know spend their 'family' weekends doing
Chores
Schlepping around to 'family' activities that they're only going to because the kids want to go
Schlepping home from said activities fed up that the kids didn't behave and now say they didn't even want to go
Resenting/arguing with partners over undone chores
Battling with kids over homework
Spending quiet 5 mins crying in bathroom till child wants to poo
Maybe, just maybe, a brief cuddle before trying to sleep.

My weekends as a single person were much less fun.

Seriously though, Facebook has a lot to answer for and don't believe the Instagram hype about 'precious family time'.

I’m married with kids (happily), but I can see the appeal of this life.

Good article and while its lovely to spend time with others (I have friends, family, work colleagues, a cat and a FWB), I think its really important for people to see single women alone, out on their own, just enjoying themselves, so that it becomes the norm and accepted.