New man too nice?

[nightowll]

Started chatting to new man 6 weeks ago, we’ve been on 3 dates. Get on well, we have a few mutual friends in common but haven’t met before. The thing is he seems too nice, and it’s making me wander if it’s something to be wary about. We are texting all day and he’s always saying how he wishes I was with him/can’t wait to see me next, compliments all the time your amazing etc etc, he says when he speaks to me he gets butterfly’s and I make him smile so much, when we first kissed he felt nervous, wants to treat me like a queen and make me smile, he says I’ll never want to get rid of him.

I told him I can’t see him all the time with work and dd, he said that’s fine and we can take things slow. I found out a few days ago he’d met up once with a friend I used to be quite close to, I mentioned her and said how I couldn’t believe we had never met until recently and he was straight to the defence saying how he doesn’t care about friend and that he doesn’t really want to ask but he needs to know if we have a future together. He’s also made it clear that if I met up with anyone else he wouldn’t see me again, I don’t think I’d even do that but the way he’s telling me he wouldn’t be happy also put me off as we’re not together.

I’ve been single for about 5 months after quite a long relationship, and he’s been single 3 years. I keep thinking he’s too good to be true but also a bit overbearing. A friend says it’s because I’ve never been appreciated in relationships before.

Am I being daft?

Nope.
It's already one rule for him and another for you.
If you really like him then takes things very very slowly for now.
I don't predict a good ending here.
You are only 5 months out of a LT relationship.
Please give yourself some time to get over it all properly.

Wow! Asking if you have a future after 3 dates? He's unhinged.

You are being love bombed. Walk away right now!

A partner can't be too 'nice' - 'nice' is a good thing.

The problem is that putting pressure on you so fast, exerting a little bit of what already feels like ownership feelings over you... these things aren't actually 'nice.' They could be early signs of controlling behavior with a mask of 'niceness' covering them.

It sounds very intense and almost obsessive. There's a chance that he's just very keen and a bit hopeless at playing it cool - that's not a crime. I'd be a little wary though.

Another thing, when I’ve been out with friends and have opened his message and forgot to reply he will message again saying something like speak when you can or message when you can while he knows I’m out with friends. But I notice when he is out with his mates he won’t text back for hours

He doesn’t sound nice in my opinion.

He’s pressuring you which really isn’t on. Don’t mistake his neediness as nice.

Woah. He's not too nice, he already sounds possessive and controlling. I would run a mile if it were me because I've experienced that and it didn't end well.

He wants to treat me like a queen is enough crap to make me move on.

If you are having doubts - and i agree here with pp - then move on. Sounds creepy.

If you have doubts after 3 dates move on.

Agree with pp this is lovebombing not niceness. ... run for the hills

He sounds really OTT...no matter how many dates you have had! He has all the hallmarks of becoming very possessive and if I were you, I would be extremely careful or preferably move on. You know he is making you feel you comfortable as you are posting on here

5 months isn't a long time either having come out of a LTR but isn't a deal breaker

I don’t think he sounds ‘too nice’ at all. He shouldn’t be telling you what to do after 3 dates and if his texts to you sound fake that’s probably because they are.

He may just be very keen but I think there is something in your gut telling you to be careful. Always trust your instincts. I do agree with others saying he sounds like he could be controlling and possessive. I didn't like the way he said you would never want to get rid of him.
Not saying you should end it. He could be everything he is saying he is. Just be careful and take it slow.

6 weeks and 3 dates and already territorial and trying to pin you down! Nah I’d ge out of there. That isn’t nice that’s possessive and a red flag.

Love bombing. Be very careful as it doesn’t last. Too much too soon

What is nice about him? He sounds controlling - that's never nice. And "I want to treat you like a queen" is what that kind of guy always says.

needs to know if we have a future together

After 3 dates?

Nah, that's not nice. That's weird.

What did you reply regarding having a future together?

No that doesn't sound nice at all, it sounds controlling and possessive. Saying 'I want to treat you like a queen' - that's plain weird IMO.

Move on, it's not as if you're even together yet.

What he says and what he does doesn't reconcile: "he said that’s fine and we can take things slow"... Taking things slow is not "do we have a future?" after date 3... He's not listening to you.

He sounds suffocating, possessive and needy.
It's fine to take things slow but then he needs to know if you have a future. Massive contradiction and why does he 'need' to know?

My sister met a man 4 years ago who she describes as ‘too nice” after just a few weeks of dating. I told her she was being ridiculous and that she was just so used to being treated like crap (her ex was awful) she didn’t know what it meant to have a guy just be normal and nice. They began an official relationship and he’d buy her flowers and gifts all the time, Leave her notes around the house and generally just seemed to dote on her. After 5 months they were engaged as apparently he was crazy about her and he said he knew his future was with her.

A few months ago they broke up much to everyone’s surprise. It turned out my sister found out he had a child with another woman that he hadn’t told her about.

But anyway - back to the point. Whilst discussing the break up with me she confessed that during the relationship he frequently went through her phone, he hacked into her email account, he used to ring her at work just to check she was there and not with another man, he’d turn up at her house in his lunch hour and search the rooms to make sure she wasn’t hiding a man somewhere and it also turned out after the break up that he’d down loaded a tracker into her mobile phone. It transpired her was extremely controlling and possessive over her.

It absolutely shocked the hell out of me because we’d all thought he was so, so nice.

So now, when someone is ‘too nice’ it’s definitely something to be way off. It’s like they’re putting a stamp on you and labelling you as their possession.

Be very careful OP.

He is already telling you what he is like and it isn't nice!

He can go on dates - you can't.
He expects instant replies to texts - you can wait.
He disturbs you on nights out - his nights out are off limits.

Not really trying too hard at the start is he? It will only go down hill.

Nice. That’s a million miles from nice.,

Treat you like a queen - that would have me running for the hills alone.

But the controlling love-bombing one-rule-for-you-another-for-me? F*ck that.

The hills are THIS WAY >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Nice to me would be - compliments , enjoyable dates, good communication etc

What you describe though sounds possessive and controlling !!

*Nice to me would be - compliments , enjoyable dates, good communication etc

What you describe though sounds possessive and controlling !!*

This, it sums it up completely.