New man too nice?

[nightowll]

Started chatting to new man 6 weeks ago, we’ve been on 3 dates. Get on well, we have a few mutual friends in common but haven’t met before. The thing is he seems too nice, and it’s making me wander if it’s something to be wary about. We are texting all day and he’s always saying how he wishes I was with him/can’t wait to see me next, compliments all the time your amazing etc etc, he says when he speaks to me he gets butterfly’s and I make him smile so much, when we first kissed he felt nervous, wants to treat me like a queen and make me smile, he says I’ll never want to get rid of him.

I told him I can’t see him all the time with work and dd, he said that’s fine and we can take things slow. I found out a few days ago he’d met up once with a friend I used to be quite close to, I mentioned her and said how I couldn’t believe we had never met until recently and he was straight to the defence saying how he doesn’t care about friend and that he doesn’t really want to ask but he needs to know if we have a future together. He’s also made it clear that if I met up with anyone else he wouldn’t see me again, I don’t think I’d even do that but the way he’s telling me he wouldn’t be happy also put me off as we’re not together.

I’ve been single for about 5 months after quite a long relationship, and he’s been single 3 years. I keep thinking he’s too good to be true but also a bit overbearing. A friend says it’s because I’ve never been appreciated in relationships before.

Am I being daft?

He sounds controlling and manipulative.
Too nice would “yes dear anything you want”
Listen to your gut.

Agreed - red flags galore!!!

Men like this throw the kitchen sink at relationships in the first weeks to may a woman feel like they're the most special person on the planet, and to get them to invest heavily in the relationship from the get go.

None of these superficial behaviours can mask their true intentions if your eyes are open to it - you're mentioning things like double standards with nights out and messaging, and not being able to see other people, because these have raised a gut instinct reaction in you - listen to your gut.

I lived with someone like this for a few years. he had been dumped 6 weeks before getting married around a year before I met him. Initially it is extremely flattering and intense , especially if like me you had an ex DH who put you last all the time, after around 8 months though I realised it was quite creepy, he never wanted to go anywhere or do anything ever on his own, I think he wanted tabs on me all the time , it took me quite a while to get out but certainly after a few years I realised he had a bit of a screw loose! Too intense, too soon now makes me very wary!

What clumsyduck wrote in its entirety and it bears repeating:-

"Nice to me would be - compliments , enjoyable dates, good communication etc

What you describe though sounds possessive and controlling !!"

I had a relationship with a lovebomber once. Started off with bold romantic statements and gestures, made me feel like the most desirable person on the planet, swept me off my feet. I had a really strong gut instinct that something wasn't right, but dismissed my instincts and instead asked myself why am I sabotaging someone being lovely to me etc? Thing is, once I was "hooked", he turned off the affection like turning off a tap and was looking around for the next object of desire! Turned out he was just really into the chase - and he had form with a string of other women that had been through the same. It was a horrible experience. Really crushing and heartbreaking

If your gut tells you something, listen to it.

This sounds exactly like the guy I've just dumped... Oh wow... I've just dumped someone!