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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Overly attached to mother, so bad attitude every Sunday

31 replies

Anyusername · 18/03/2018 18:48

Hi, my girlfriend who is in her mid 30s goes to see her family most weekends. When she gets back most weekends, she often cries because she misses her mother and has a bad attitude, I think it is abnormal right? I am not sure if to just exit this situation. I am cool with people being close to their mother, but this is ridiculous right?
She got back from her mums today and talked to me like crap! What do you think is the best thing to do?

OP posts:
NotTheFordType · 18/03/2018 18:51
  1. Girlfriend is trapped in a toxic family situation and can't see the wood for the trees
  2. Girlfriend is emotionally unstable and meeting FOO unsettles her more
  3. You are abusive and she's crying at the thought of having to come back to you
Original poster
Anyusername · 18/03/2018 18:55

I think it is #2.
FYI. I came on here to get advise not to be accused.
I am actually a nice person to her and I don't think I would be posting asking advice if I was the problem.
I asked her why she is crying and the answer is always "she misses her family".
It is a 2 hour drive and she sees them every weekend! I feel like I become an emotionally punching bag every Sunday...

OP posts:
TERFragetteCity · 18/03/2018 19:04

what do you mean by 'bad attitude'?

LadyintheRadiator · 18/03/2018 19:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cambionome · 18/03/2018 19:13

It does seem unusual (to say the least) to cry about missing your family when you are in your 30s and you see them every weekend.

Have you tried discussing this calmly and kindly with her?

NotSureThisIsWhatIWant · 18/03/2018 19:18

Erm... it diesn’t Sound quite right... any chance that what she is telling you is not that she misses after seeing them but that she would really like to move nearer to her family?

NotAllTimsWearCapes · 18/03/2018 19:21

I would tell her to go back and live with her Mum and maybe get in touch when she has grown up.

Original poster
Anyusername · 18/03/2018 19:24

@TERFragetteCity moody and irritated very easily about nothing.

@LadyintheRadiator I would not say she is ill, but she often goes to the hospital where the repeatedly find nothing wrong with her. The amount of time I heard "My mum is sick, she didn't want to tell me because she didn't want me to worry" is mind boggling! However that is not the issue because she is like it regardless if her mums recent health is good or bad.

@Cambionome i am not sure how to handle talking to her about it. Perhaps something like "You are in your mid 30'd now, her mood after visiting your family is not really healthyand I would like you to see somebody who might be able to help"?

OP posts:
M00nUnit · 18/03/2018 19:28

Have you said anything to her about it? E.g. "I understand you're close to your mum but you see her every week so I'm not sure why you get so upset? And please can you stop taking your upset out on me?"
The way she's acting does seem really odd for a grown woman.

pallasathena · 18/03/2018 19:31

Sounds like a drama queen from what you say. Is her family of origin similar? Some people like to live their lives as if they're in a soap...I'd cut my losses and find someone more cheery if I were you.

Trialsmum · 18/03/2018 19:36

Interesting that the first reply assumes man=abuser without anything to suggest this.

No I don’t think it’s a normal reaction at all. Even if she lived close by it’s perfectly normal for a 30 something adult to only see their parents at weekends or less.

Original poster
Anyusername · 18/03/2018 19:42

@NotSureThisIsWhatIWant jobs are located a bit far, i think if there were decent jobs closer she would like to... but it is just glossing over the real prioblem.

@NotAllTimsWearCapes i am thinking that eventually it might happen that way, maybe she can get some kind of help?
I have a feeling what has happened is, her mother depends on her too much emotionally and it has stunted her emotional development. I can imagine 5 year old children crying because they miss there parents not people 30 years older. She literally posted a photo with her mother en-captioned "You are the best in the world, see you in a week". I find it creepy and I am not sure what to do. I think she would be heart broken if I left and I don't want to hurt her.

OP posts:
Original poster
Anyusername · 18/03/2018 19:46

@M00nUnit i will talk to her about it tomorrow, because she wants to get married and I think it will be a problem for us if it continues.

@pallasathena considering it

@Trialsmum agreed

OP posts:
FissionChips · 18/03/2018 19:46

Save yourself a lot of hassle and dump her.

Original poster
Anyusername · 18/03/2018 19:47

Thanks all, I think I am sure I need to talk to her about it tomorrow now because it has got out of hand.

OP posts:
M00nUnit · 18/03/2018 19:49

Do you love her and want to be with her? If not then don't just stay with her out of guilt. She may be "heartbroken" but she has no right to treat you badly every single Sunday just because she misses her mum.

M00nUnit · 18/03/2018 19:50

Hope the talk goes well tomorrow OP!

Cambionome · 18/03/2018 19:51

How about saying something like "I worry about you getting so upset every week, and I wish I could help in some way. If you don't want to talk to me, have you thought about having a chat with someone else - it might help you to understand why you get so unhappy about it?"

Mishappening · 18/03/2018 19:51

I am concerned by your use of the words "she has a bad attitude." That does not feel very understanding.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 18/03/2018 19:56

I find it creepy and I am not sure what to do. I think she would be heart broken if I left and I don't want to hurt her

Trust me, she’ll cope.

NotAllTimsWearCapes · 18/03/2018 20:41

Have you ever been away on holiday with her over the weekend meaning she has missed a visit to her Mum? How was her mood/attitude?

Taylor22 · 18/03/2018 20:46

RUN! And triple up on contraception! That is a level of crazy that gets worse and causes one hell of a headache.

SandyY2K · 18/03/2018 21:02

Don't marry her unless she stops this. If she can't detach...then she should move back in with her.

Her behaviour isn't normal and its more than likely that she has some deeper issues.

Save yourself the hassle and stress of a divorce.

JaneEyre70 · 18/03/2018 21:08

I'd have an issue with a partner that went home every weekend instead of spending time with me. What would happen if you asked her to stay at home?

Sparrowlegs248 · 18/03/2018 21:16

It really isn't normal to be so upset if she sees them every weekend already. Does she go for the say or stay over? Does it affect your life as a couple? I imagine it must. And do you go with her (does she even want you to? (