Dating. Don't think I'm cut out for it

[Tictactic]

So have been a single parent now for 9 years following divorce from ex h of 13 years. Had 2 relationships (A year ish) since. I seem to get myself back on my feet and life in order to move forward again then unexpectedly met new man
He really is lovely and has all the qualities I'm looking for however has only been separated a year from his wife, of 20 plus years. They live separately and no question the relationship is over. We get on well, there is spark and enjoy each other's company. He lives an hour away. He has a far better job than me and is wealthy. We're certainly not matched there.
It's been 7 weeks... we have a weekend trip planned at Easter.
Initially he said about falling for me but now the messages I'm getting a short and sweet. Not sure if I'm being unfair as he is busy but equally not sure it can meet my needs. Any ideas what I do?

I think you need to cut him some slack, maybe see how Easter goes & reassess after that.

Hope all goes well

Its only been 7 weeks. Try to chill out a bit. Stop having too many expectations and just enjoy things as they come. Its early days. It sounds like you're reading too much into things.

OP - it’s like others said. 7 weeks. Far, far too early to plan a future together.
Or know if anyone will fall for anyone.
Or conclude anyone is good/bad at dating.

Just take your time. Don’t make it hard on yourself by having massive expectations that won’t be met immediately. And don’t scare him away with neediness.

Even after Easter - it’ll be too early to know much. You’ll only know if you had fun and if being together was easy and natural.
But even that won’t be enough basis to start big plans.
Only will tell you if you should continue at this moment

I, like you, would be thinking negatively and assuming his interest had lessened. Why would his messages suddenly become brief, no one is too busy to write a proper message surely. Perhaps play it a little cool yourself and see if he notices. I don't know how people cope with relationships, why are they so complex? I am 51, very recently separated and I know I will be alone forever now as could not cope with the complexities of dating.

You desperately need to step back and allow this person - who is a complete stranger to you at 7 weeks in - space to be who he is / where he is.

Chill out, maintain your own life, do not allow yourself to fantasize about him / a life with him. Let it all unfold. Resist the temptation to analyze. And just see what happens.

If I were you I'd expect it to end and to proceed as if it will. Signs aren't great. But, it's also incredibly early.

Just wanted to thank you all for your messages. You're right I'm getting a bit swept up in it, easy to do I guess and I'm taking a step back. I'm already maintaining my own life, hobbies, friends and have independent plans this year.
I seem to start well then as times goes on I get anxious and analyse like you say. I think we both got swept away and overwhelmed with emotion, it's exhausting! I'm keeping any messages general and friendly. He is still responding and if I see it as a friendship it takes off the pressure. We'll see. I need to chill out, keep perspective and try to enjoy. Like you saying messiness isn't attractive, I'm not that way but anxiety is a bugger

Neediness haha

I've got one get heavy too early for me.
So back off a bit and just take it slowly and see how it goes.
Don't put pressure on him or yourself to have a 'relationship'!

So an update. Messages continue to be brief but he is sharing problems he is having with his daughters. No thought of asking how I am even though I'm being supportive and not putting on any pressure. He says he is struggling at the moment and 'sorry to do this.. '
I'm very confused. I've no idea if the Easter trip is going ahead and I've been teary and even a bit panicky. I really don't like how it is making me feel. I almost wonder is he doing this on purpose to put me off? It feels very unfair. Plus he seems uninterested in what I'm doing and hasn't replied to a message as we had mentioned meeting tonight last week. Do I cut my losses?

Yes

Throw him back. He sounds like a self absorbed flake. Don't allow someone like him make you continue to feel the way you do.

Oh dear.. I'm so conflicted. But I simply can't allow myself to be used. I'm really upset I was falling for him and thought he could be the one.

I'm so conflicted. But I simply can't allow myself to be used.

What do you mean by this op?

I mean I really like him but I'm so worried I'm being used which is making me conflicted as to whether to walk away or stick it out

As hard as it is I would cut back and not message.....let him take the initiative and see if he does. Show you aren't bothered even though you are. It does sound like he's pulling away but I understand you don't want to lose dignity in asking direct. If he wants your attention he will make the effort. Hugs x

What does "being used" mean though? You do understand that there is no such thing...?

You're worried he perceives that you're not someone he wants to marry? I think he's made it relatively clear that you're not, to him. That's not a terrible thing, I mean - you can't really influence that and it's not a reflection on you.

It's pretty simple really - it honestly doesn't even matter what HE thinks - all that matters is, his way of being with you, makes you feel shit. That's really all there is to it.

Don't spend energy on people who make you feel shit.

Stop worrying about what he may be thinking and start paying attention to how this person's making you feel. Do you want to feel like this a lot? If so, by all means continue... If not, don't bother with this anymore.

Its only been a short while and you seem over invested.Thinking he was "the one" is a bit naive as it takes much, much longer to really know someone.

I wonder if he is regretting his separation maybe fallout from his daughters.Whatever is happening to him isn't something you can control.
If you don't like how he is treating you then finish it.No point hanging around investing more.

Sorry you’re feeling like this. I have to say I wonder if he’s rethinking his separation. A year is not a long time after a long marriage.

I've seen him.
It seems he's hit a very low point (depression?) Talked of feeling a failure and struggling to cope with some issues both daughters are having.
He says he doesn't want to take me to that place, it's unfair on me.
I'm feeling broken. I know it's so early but I was (am) head over heels it felt so right. I'll leave him be now.

What is unfair on you is stringing you along. Don't buy his excuses! Depression, issues with both daughters. Hard as this sounds he has moved on and so must you.

Have a break from dating and spoil yourself for a while.

What on earth is going on?! This is very full on (from both parties) for 7 weeks in. Firstly, stop messaging. It is so easy to misinterpret text messages. He's right, he shouldn't be dragging you into his issues, you barely know each other. Ask him straight up if Easter trip is on, yes or no so you know your plans. Take a massive step back.

Sounds sensible to walk away. Was the weekend booked? Who paid??

Although we have been dating 7 weeks we have got to know each other since last September. We've been away and talked for hours. He booked the trip and paid.
I asked him last night if the trip on and he said he wouldn't go he'd give the trip away to a family member. I've rearranged plans to accommodate the trip and just don't understand why he'd do this.

It’s too early since his separation. I don’t think he intentionally set out to ‘lead you on’.

I’m afraid you have to let him go and put this down to experience OP, as hard as it may be. He may be experiencing a low point, or problems with his family, but you’re not his ‘fixer’, so don’t be swept up with trying to do that.

You should be having fun at this stage, not bogged down by other people’s emotional baggage.

We’ve all been there, caught up in the heady infatuated stage, which is quite wonderful, but I’m afraid it clouds your judgements, time to take off the rose tinted specs.

Leave him to it, if it’s meant to be then it will

Looks like your spidey senses of him pulling away were right. I’d leave him to it now. It sounds like he’s trying to let you down gently.

Time to put yourself first now and start rearranging your plans without him. I think him letting you down over the easter trip is quite cruel, why tell you he is giving the trip to a family member?

Throw this one back in the pond, dust yourself off, take a deep breath and start making plans to look after and make yourself happy.