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Original poster

Made such a stupid mistake (ex related)

52 replies

Emboo19 · 18/03/2018 15:34

Out and rather drunk last night and I had a row (first ever one) with new bf, ended with me saying it’s over. Don’t think I really meant it although that’s besides the point now.

Bumped into ex later on and ended up going home with him. I barely even like him at the moment and he’s the cause of me being pissed off earlier and rowing with bf. Plus he’s seeing someone new although he says not exclusively so he’s ok!

I feel absolutely shit! Partly hangover wise I know but I feel it’s such a step back and I know I’ve completely ended with things now with a really good guy.

What’s wrong with me and how do I actually get over him properly and move on?
I have to still see him as we have dd and it’s like even though we’re not together he takes up so much headspace.

My bf (or new ex) has text and tried to phone, and said he’s sorry and he’ll give me some space if that’s what I want. I feel like such a fucking bitch and realise I’ve thrown away what could actually have been a really good grown up relationship.

OP posts:
Iooselipssinkships · 18/03/2018 16:40

I know this might be a bit shit but does new bf have to know? It'd only be to relieve your guilt anyway. Take a few days to get over the hangover and clear your head.
Stay away from ex unless it's about DD. Things might work out alright.

LemonSqueezy0 · 18/03/2018 17:18

Don't hide this from your new /ex, give your new ex/bf the chance to decide for himself if he stays with you or not. Mostly because it's the right thing but also,your old ex isn't likely to keep that little gem to himself is he? Whether it comes out now or months down the line...

Take time out to figure why this has happened. Maybe bring single for a bit is the way forward.

Jon66 · 18/03/2018 17:21

Don't tell him. Apologise to him and have a nice dinner or/and something with him.

SchnitzelVonKrumm · 18/03/2018 17:22

You've said on here before that you got together with new bf too quickly and wished you'd met him a year later so I'd take up his offer of space and be on your own for a while. It doesn't have to be the end but you have been through a lot of Major Life Events very quickly and very young and might benefit from a bit of time to process it all. And I agree he doesn't necessarily need to know about ex unless he's likely to find out from someone else.

SandyY2K · 18/03/2018 17:23

When you say you went home with your Ex....does that mean what I think it means?

SchnitzelVonKrumm · 18/03/2018 17:24

I would tell him if you get back together though. Clean slate but when some of the heat has gone out of the situation.

GriefLeavesItsMark · 18/03/2018 17:31

You were on a break, I've watched enough Jeremy Kyle to know it doesn't count if you are on a break (although your ex's new girlfriend might think different). If you didn't use barrier contraception, please take the usual mn advice, and get yourself tested for stds, after all you don't know where he has been.

C0untDucku1a · 18/03/2018 17:33

What was the argument about?

RainyApril · 18/03/2018 17:37

Oh please don't keep this from new bf. Either end things properly and considerately, or tell him and hope he forgives you.

Otherwise the poor guy is just getting in deeper with someone still hung up on their ex, someone willing to sleep with someone else within hours of an argument. He deserves to make an informed choice about whether he wants to be with you on these terms or not.

And as pp said, it won't stay a secret for long.

SandyY2K · 18/03/2018 17:44

Plus he’s seeing someone new although he says not exclusively so he’s ok

I missed that. What's done is done and you can't change that.

I think you should take space from your BF for the moment and do some thinking, but if you're going to get back with him...then you need to let him know you slept with your Ex.

Emmageddon · 18/03/2018 17:49

Do you need the morning after pill? If so get down to the nearest pharmacy that's open on a Sunday.

Use this time to think about what you actually want. Stay single for a few months.

Kestant · 18/03/2018 17:52

You are minimising, first of all.

Anyway, let new boyfriend go and then concentrate on giving up booze and then working in your insecurities.

What comes out the other side will be far better and you will have greater choices.

dirtybadger · 18/03/2018 17:56

I am another one who thinks you should tell the new ex/BF...unless you definitely want to end things. In that case theres hardly any point in rubbing his nose in it. Just be kind, and explain its bad timing and you arent ready for a relationship. But if you want any chance of getting back together (soon or in the distant future)- you need to be honest. For yourself, for him...and also because its likely if your ex is an arse he will tell him himself in the future.

Its probably wise to take a break for at least a few months. If youre lucky this new guy might hang around. Chances are he wont...but thats okay. Because there are other nice guys (not that Im suggesting you need one at all) and you did what you could.

DrMorbius · 18/03/2018 18:07

Your new ex BF has really dodged a bullet. Why tell him? Just let him go and find someone deserving of his affection.

Original poster
Emboo19 · 18/03/2018 19:14

I wouldn’t be in a relationship with my new bf without telling him. I just couldn’t and he deserves so much more than that.

The argument was about my ex and my new bf tried to give some advice, I said “it was nothing to do with him” and he said “if I felt like that why are we together”. Then it ended with me saying “I don’t know and I don’t think we should be anymore” he said “fine” and left.

Saw the ex a bit later on and we had a bit of a argument at first but then we were in a big group of mutual friends. No taxis due to snow and we were all going back to his but it ended up just us two.
Woke up to messages from friends asking where I’d gone and bf saying he was sorry and he didn’t mean it.

I’m on the pill and we used condoms, so that side is ok at least.

I’ve had calls and messages from both ex and new ex and I’m just ignoring them for now. I honestly don’t know what I’m doing and just feel like I’m making a mess of everything!

OP posts:
donajimena · 18/03/2018 19:18

Step away from men and cut down on your drinking would be my advice.

Original poster
Emboo19 · 18/03/2018 19:46

I really don’t think it’s a issue with booze and that I need to give it up. I rarely drink to the point of being drunk anyway. It was the fact I was fucked off with my ex that led to the argument. Then I maybe knocked back the drinks more after he’d left because I was then angry with him. But I knew what I was doing, drink may have lowered my inhabitions but didn’t make me do it.

OP posts:
SuperSkyRocketing · 18/03/2018 19:50

Why were you fucked off with your ex?

DrMorbius · 18/03/2018 20:06

You were so fucked off with your ex, that you broke up with your current BF and then got your ex to stick his dick in you. Do you realise how fucked up that sounds!!!!!!
You need help.

SandyY2K · 18/03/2018 20:13

Were you still angry with your Ex about the birthday thing and him introducing DD to his new GF?

lonelyworld · 18/03/2018 20:15

Well at least you admit you did it out of spite for his girlfriend because he spent his bday with her , her dd and your daughter playing happy family. I am judging but just think it's a shit thing to do to another woman , not he's totally blameless . I do hope you are proud

lonelyworld · 18/03/2018 20:16

not judging

DontDIY · 18/03/2018 20:19

And to think that yesterday you were having a dig at his girlfriend, saying she’d be so happy he’d made time for her that she’d shag him when he turned up drunk.

Cockmagic · 18/03/2018 20:21

You were fucked off with your ex but still slept with him?
You need to get some self respect, you clearly still have feelings for the ex and are jealous he's met someone else (not saying it's easy)
I hate my ex with a passion, I once got drunk and pushed him out of a taxi when he made advanced , sleeping with him would be the last thing on my mind!

MyKingdomForBrie · 18/03/2018 20:29

I really don’t think OP needs the boot sticking in here, haven’t we all struggled to get over an ex and/or made some stupid decisions in the past? I certainly have.

You do need to tell the bf though OP and end it with him - it might have potential in the future but now is not the time and, sad though it is, it won’t be the same again now even if he took you back.