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Original poster

Made such a stupid mistake (ex related)

52 replies

Emboo19 · 18/03/2018 15:34

Out and rather drunk last night and I had a row (first ever one) with new bf, ended with me saying it’s over. Don’t think I really meant it although that’s besides the point now.

Bumped into ex later on and ended up going home with him. I barely even like him at the moment and he’s the cause of me being pissed off earlier and rowing with bf. Plus he’s seeing someone new although he says not exclusively so he’s ok!

I feel absolutely shit! Partly hangover wise I know but I feel it’s such a step back and I know I’ve completely ended with things now with a really good guy.

What’s wrong with me and how do I actually get over him properly and move on?
I have to still see him as we have dd and it’s like even though we’re not together he takes up so much headspace.

My bf (or new ex) has text and tried to phone, and said he’s sorry and he’ll give me some space if that’s what I want. I feel like such a fucking bitch and realise I’ve thrown away what could actually have been a really good grown up relationship.

OP posts:
Original poster
Emboo19 · 18/03/2018 20:51

I know it was supid hence the posting and if it was a case of just saying I’m over him and being so I would have done so already! That’s what I’m struggling with, how do you get over someone you see and have so much to do with!

I was angry about him introducing dd and everything else he’s been doing the last few months. My new (now ex) bf should tell I was annoyed and kept mentioning it and what I should do. That’s why we argued and broke up. Then I saw ex, I was chatting to some mutual friends and he asked if I wanted a drink, I said no. Then he asked if I was mad with him, we got into the dd and girlfriend thing and a few other stuff. We kinda cleared the air and then as we know a lot of the same people we were around each other the rest of the night.

The going back with him part was supposed to a few of us as he lived in walking distance. But by that point we were getting on ok, talking about dd, reminiscing about old times and having a laugh, that carried on back at his and with a few more drinks.

OP posts:
Original poster
Emboo19 · 18/03/2018 20:58

In regards to the girlfriend I did mention it, he said they weren’t together just fwb and not exclusive. Of course I don’t know if that’s true and sober me would have wanted more than his word on that.

OP posts:
Changedname3456 · 19/03/2018 07:56

Well if she really is only a fwb then introducing her to his dd is insane. I actually hope he’s lying about their actual status rather than that being true.

You’ve made a pretty big mistake and I think other PP have got it right here - you need to back away from both (all) men/potential partners for at least a few months and work out your feelings and get over the breakup with dd’s dad property.

ShatnersWig · 19/03/2018 08:01

You and your ex are both messed up. You need to keep well away from each other and you need to spend several months on your own and not dating anyone.

Original poster
Emboo19 · 19/03/2018 08:08

I spoke to bf last night and we’ve fully ended things. I was true full in telling him that I’m not over my ex and I’m not ready for another relationship. But also that as lovely as he is (and he really is) and as much as I’ve enjoyed spending time with him, I don’t feel like I’m falling in love with him and by now I’d have expected to have those odd moments at least where you start to feel it a bit.

My ex (DD’s Dad) I’m more unsure of. He turned up here at 11pm as I’d not answered any messages or calls and we did talk a lot. His initial suggestion was that we just start again, not get back together but start a new relationship from the beginning. Do the dating part and see if we both still feel the same. I can’t see how that can possibly work and I don’t think I want to do it anyway. His other suggestion is that we see a relationship counsellor, even if it’s not nessisarily to get back together. I’m not sure how or if that would work, if we’d have to both be on the same page of either working at a relationship or work on being separated but getting on for dd’s sake or if it would be a more natural process and we won’t know until we try.

Anyway we’ve agreed to take a few weeks to think about it, with no other distractions on either side and to only communicate regarding dd until then.

OP posts:
wombat1a · 19/03/2018 08:09

Get back with the father of your child, most of the stuff you post about him shows him to be certainly a lot better than most folks DPs on here and far far more involved with his DD.

MarthasGinYard · 19/03/2018 08:17

'The argument was about my ex and my new bf tried to give some advice, I said “it was nothing to do with him” '

Blimey, and then you went and fucked him.

Stop drinking so much and give yourself a break.

kubex · 19/03/2018 09:29

You sound like a child tbh.

SandyY2K · 19/03/2018 09:37

Anyway we’ve agreed to take a few weeks to think about it, with no other distractions on either side and to only communicate regarding dd until then.

I think this is a good idea. Relationships and emotions can be complicated.

You need to clear your head a bit. You don't want to lose focus on your studies.

lizzie1970a · 19/03/2018 10:12

Sorry, I think your ex is a bit of a player. He winds you up saying he's got a new girlfriend and then he's introducing your DD to her, then when it's convenient he says they're seeing each but not exclusive then she's no more than a FWB! So he introduced your DD to a FWB. He's done to her what he's done to you. Who is to say he won't do the same to you again? It seems he says whatever to get whatever he wants.

lizzie1970a · 19/03/2018 10:17

I meant to add - do you really want him or just don't want anyone else to have him? You wanted 'amazing'. If you go back now this is far from that and you'll have to live with that. Can you live with it? Seeing this other woman around etc?

IntelligentYetIndecisive · 19/03/2018 10:27

I really don’t think it’s a issue with booze and that I need to give it up.

I beg to differ. donajimena gave good advice.

New BF seems to be a rebound relationship, these tend to be doomed to be short lived.

You're banging on about the old boyfriend to your new boyfriend. That's a very bad idea.

You're not over your ex and bringing his baggage to your new relationship.

Lay off men and booze for now.

You got so drunk you went home with a guy you claim you can't stand and had sex with him.

He took advantage of you and this could happen again. With someone else.

That's fucked up. You know this.

Work through your anger and whatever else caused the argument with the new guy.

Original poster
Emboo19 · 19/03/2018 19:49

I was drunk but not falling over stupid drunk or anything and he didn’t take advantage of me not at all.

By the time I’d gone to his we were getting on, it wasn’t like we fought then had sex straight after. It’s very difficult to explain, but when we get on even when we aren’t together as a couple, we really get on. We have a lot of shared interests and sense of humour and it’s easy and effortless. He’s the one person I’ve always felt able to be 100% myself all of the time. He knows and remembers almost everything about me, all those silly little things.

I regretted it the next morning because:
For one, I think we were both in very grey areas as to how single we were and I really don’t like that!
Secondly, I don’t think getting back with him would work. So I’m disappointed in myself because sleeping with him feels like I’ve taken a massive step back in moving on from him.

And to be clear, I wasn’t talking about my ex with the new guy. He kept asking and I’d said a few times I didn’t want to discuss it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Emboo19 · 19/03/2018 20:15

In regards to dd meeting the gf (not a gf) he had explained all that earlier on when we’d first spoken. And he admitted that it was mostly just to bother me. But that he only went as friends and her dc was there as was a friend of his and his dc which he hasn’t mentioned before.

Anyway, lots to think about and I am taking on board what everyone’s said, even the not very nice stuff.

OP posts:
FuckItPassMeTheWine · 19/03/2018 20:54

Can't believe the amount of posters actually saying "don't tell the boyf " imagine if this was a guy posting this . Pitiful .

Op I don't think you're ready for a new relationship , you've admitted your ex takes up a lot of headspace , it sounds like your not fully over him.

As someone else said step away from the liquor and men . Please don't make this good guys life shit by introducing all your issues on him. Sort yourself out !!!!

Original poster
Emboo19 · 19/03/2018 21:37

I’ve ended things with the other guy permanently FuckIt. But in a tiny bit of defence for myself. I was very upfront with my new bf that I wasn’t really over my ex and that things between us was still very complicated. He was the one who was more eager for us to still see each other and he swore he was ok with the complicated mess that is my life. I very rarely if ever spoke about my ex and issues with dd etc and again he was the one who wanted me to do so more.

OP posts:
GriefLeavesItsMark · 19/03/2018 22:08

As kubex said, you do come across as very immature, which would explain why you view your life as a 'complicated mess',

DrMorbius · 19/03/2018 22:09

I was very upfront with my new bf
So you told him you shagged your ex?

Original poster
Emboo19 · 19/03/2018 22:18

I don’t really view my life as a ‘complicated mess’ Grief. Its really only my ex that adds any complications and the usually juggling of being a single parent. I just meant he knew all that and said he was ok with it.

Well I couldn’t tell him that when we first started seeing each other DrMorbius as I wasn’t shagging my ex then. But yes he knows now.

OP posts:
PixieDust100 · 19/03/2018 22:20

Op - you sound like a child, grow up will you.

goldenbulldog · 19/03/2018 22:26

don't tell new bf

GriefLeavesItsMark · 19/03/2018 22:28

Complicated mess were your words, and by shagging your ex it is you that is adding the complications. I mean this kindly, but maybe you would be better off posting on the students room, where people might be more sympathetic to your point of view.

wombat1a · 19/03/2018 22:49

Well at least you and the father of your child now have something else in common. He cheated on you while being away 5 days a week and with a bunch of older men who encouraged cheating which is why you left him. You've now cheated on your (ex) BF so in that sense you've now lost the moral high ground as you've now found out how easy it can be to fall into it and regret later.

I also find it amazing that for so long people have been telling you how amazing and mature you are but the moment you cheated it's all turned around. Good luck with the future, as I've said before you're best option is probably to try again with your baby's father but for this to work it sounds like you need to decide to make significant changes to your life and attitude towards it. Go to couples counselling and try to do the best thing for your child first and you second.

SmileyBird · 19/03/2018 23:05

I mean this kindly, but maybe you would be better off posting on the students room, where people might be more sympathetic to your point of view

Fucking hell, I’d hate to see you being unkind!

GriefLeavesItsMark · 19/03/2018 23:10

Smiley, have you had a sarcasm bypass?