Not sure if Aibu. Back story: been with dp for 1.5 years, because we are basically both on the same page it has always felt pretty serious. We live together (with my dd), we all spent Xmas with his family (his parents live far away) last year, I’ve got pretty close to his Mum and we spend a lot of time socialising with his siblings who live close by. Because of our ages and being very much on the same page, marriage is on the cards within a year or so, and we talk a lot about kids etc. It’s always been a case of “when you know you know” for us, just all feels right and we are committed. That was a big deal for me because of dd but she’s really happy with him too.
On a night out last night with his brother and brothers gf. I’ve never found her easy to talk to or get on with, she’s been with his brother for years though they’re not married (if that’s relevant). She seems to have “queen bee” status in his family and hasn’t seemed that comfy with me joining that group. Anyway we were with a group who I’d never met. One asked me : “so are you part of the (dp last name) family?”
Brothers gf jumps in: “No.”
Guy who asked seems a bit taken aback: “By association, though?”
Brothers gf: “no. Not yet.”
I was pretty taken aback myself and didn’t know how to react. It seemed really weird. Comparatively to her r’ship I have been with dp less time but I did consider myself “part of his family” inasmuch as I consider him an extended part of mine and certainly none of my siblings would see him as an outsider. I’ve put in a load of effort with his family, endless meet ups, messaging, paying for my and dds plane tickets to his family events, Xmas etc. Yes we are not married but she’s not married to his brother if that matters. Tbh I wouldn’t ever introduce myself as “I’m part of the x family” but I didn’t see myself as not part of it if that makes sense? I don’t see it as her place to make that statement about my status it just felt so weird.
It put me in a shitty mood and it still rankles me the next day. She brought the conversation up again later (in a different context) so i know it wasn’t a throwaway comment. Dp cannot see why it made me feel bad or why I care. I know maybe it does seem a bit pathetic but I guess I felt like we are serious and her comment made me feel like an outsider. His family is intense and it’s taken so much time and effort to try and keep up with that.
Any thoughts?