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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Advice needed...how to reply.

91 replies

Sadsoul18 · 18/03/2018 09:17

I received the text message below from my partner of 18 months a couple of weeks ago. We initially fell out because he was only prepared to communicate via text when we disagreed and I wasn’t happy with it. I suggested ‘we’ could find better ways to communicate and if we were prepared to get help we could over come our communication issues. In hindsight...I was fighting a losing battle. He has never accepted any responsibility for anything he did wrong throughout our relationship, always putting the blame on me and is clearly controlling and manipulative. He said they are my issues because he was happy with how we communicate and he was angry that I said I needed more to stay in a relationship with him.

‘That would be all I have to say in conversation about any of this. So I don't think there's more I can add that's of any value in resolving your issue. I'm not a robot either, your behaviour has not left me feeling too positive towards our relationship. I need time and space to work through my feelings and issues about what's happened (i.e. on an internal level).So I want to have a cooling off period for a couple of weeks. I’ll contact you when I’m ready. X’

So how do I respond when he undoubtedly texts me when he’s done with his cooling off period? Something along the lines off FUCK YOU...but better articulated?!?!

My head is mashed with it all and I’ve been working hard on accepted that he isn’t the right person for me. I’m gutted...and just really disappointed that someone I thought I knew and trusted with my heart has treated me in such a shit way.

And do I wait for his contact or get in there first? Help!!!

OP posts:
OliviaStabler · 18/03/2018 10:32

Don't reply. Block his number and move on. I know it is far easier to say that do but 18 months in, if he can never see he is wrong, can't have a face to face conversation about a difficult subject and won't commit to working through a difficult situation together rather than walking away and blaming you for everything 100%, then you have no chance at a healthy , balanced relationship in the future.

Flowers
Original poster
Sadsoul18 · 18/03/2018 10:41

You are all so right...and I know 100% that it’s done. I’m just not sure how to play it out. Part of me wants to wait and have him think that I’ll just nod and be sorry when he’s ready when in fact I’ll tell him to do one. But like many of you have said, maybe it’s better to get in there first.

OP posts:
Gide · 18/03/2018 10:47

Dear lord, please don’t get back with this sulky manchild! Text him as advised as to where his stuff is, then block the twat.

Guiltypleasures001 · 18/03/2018 10:48

Hi op

Don't waste time playing games, your a grown up so step off the carousel and stop going round and round.

Pack his shit up and either dump it outside his or yours and say your done don't contact me.

Take back control and go live the life you deserve 💐

HisBetterHalf · 18/03/2018 10:50

Block his number. End of.

Mishappening · 18/03/2018 10:52

Do you love this man? Do you want him in your life?

mummmy2017 · 18/03/2018 11:01

Please for your own self dump him. Pack up his stuff and get a friend to return it all to him. Do this today. Then when the friend gets back go out and celebrate your freedom.
Ending it will leave you happy you know it will.. good luck

Butterymuffin · 18/03/2018 11:09

Send the message now, then you've dumped him and can get on with taking your life back. Not stewing for weeks waiting till he texts so you can then ignore him etc. Take control and move on now.

PoshPenny · 18/03/2018 11:18

Drop his things somewhere and walk away. This is no way to live and he will never change you know Thanks

category12 · 18/03/2018 11:25

Take control, do the dumping.

troodiedoo · 18/03/2018 11:40

Please take control, tell him it's over and drop his stuff off or send it in a taxi. Then delete and block.

You are worth so much more.

SomeKnobend · 18/03/2018 11:50

Dear xxx, your shit is outside the door for you to pick up. I'm not interested in continuing a relationship conducted in this ridiculous fashion under any circumstances and I have nothing further to say on the matter so please do not contact me again. As such, I will be blocking your number as soon as this message is sent, so will not see any unnecessary reply should you send one anyway. Any items still remaining uncollected by Wednesday will be disposed of. I wish you well in future and hope your communication problems will not cause all your relationships to fail.

areyougoingroundthetwist · 18/03/2018 11:59

I'd drop his stuff somewhere like a friends house.
I would say nothing to him. Sometimes silence is powerful. As you are now experiencing, with his 'cooling off period'. I'd give him a life time cooling off by never speaking to him again.

Aussiebean · 18/03/2018 12:02

If you wait weeks for him to finally get in touch, that is weeks of YOU waiting, wondering and thinking of him.

End it now. Send his stuff back in whatever way works for YOU.

Then spend the next few weeks looking after YOU pampering YOU and Moving on from an arse

WellThisIsShit · 18/03/2018 12:29

I’d have to send a final text breaking it off, for myself and to make it clear to him that I’d taken back my power, and we weren’t playing his game of ‘make her suffer and wait’ bollocks!

Anyone who can turn on and off the connection is one to steer clear of, especially as he can do it after 18 months, by which time you’d expect someone to have a deep and lasting connection to their love.

Original poster
Sadsoul18 · 18/03/2018 14:32

Thank you all so much for your advice.

Well I did it...!!!!! I text saying I was dropping his stuff and would leave it in the shed. He then rang me asking why!!!! I dropped the stuff, he came out and asked if I wanted to come in, I said no and left with my head held high.

He then rang again asking if this is what I really wanted, if I’d thought about it, if I’d thought about how my actions had led him to behaving as he did. It’s laughable really.
The conversation ended with him saying phone me if you change your mind and me laughing saying I definetely won’t.

So glad I took the control back although I feel like I’ve been hit by a bus now.

OP posts:
kinorsam · 18/03/2018 14:38

Good for you, well done Flowers

rothbury · 18/03/2018 14:41

Well done OP.

Now, you have to block him. Flowers

I know it's hard but it is the only way.

Ruddygreattiger2016 · 18/03/2018 14:50

Omg!! You rock, op!!!!!!

PoshPenny · 18/03/2018 14:51

Well done op, you've definitely dodged a bullet there!

category12 · 18/03/2018 14:53

Well done. Smart move. Flowers

What a manipulative prick he is.

You are really dodging a bullet here.

LemonSqueezy0 · 18/03/2018 14:53

Well done! You should feel so proud of yourself right now.Smile bet he was shocked you aren't his puppet anymore!

Remember this feeling for when/if you feel less sure that you've 100% done the right thing

MrsAJ27 · 18/03/2018 14:55

Well done OP

Treat yourself to something special

Guiltypleasures001 · 18/03/2018 14:56

Well his gob was well and truly smacked then wasn't it 😏

Have a you to rock from me too op 💃

AuntFidgetWonkhamStrongNajork · 18/03/2018 15:00

Treat yourself to something special Yep, like never seeing his guy again. Well done you.

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